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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder what to do about what I saw with friend's au pair

53 replies

phewIdidit · 09/04/2015 21:57

I was at the park the other day with my son. We were there a couple of hours. A friend's children were there with their au pair. Initially I thought their mum might have been with them but they told me they were with the au pair. I asked them were she was. The older of the two pointed to a woman seemingly asleep some way off from the park in the grass - not facing the playground. The children she minds are 9 and 4. I was a bit taken aback. She remained in the same position for the entire time I was there. At one stage the younger child had a minor mishap and the elder child took the younger one to the au pair.
I realise being an au pair is low paid and the job description is a bit vague.
I don't particularly want to be a busy body however I wouldn't want my child to be fairly unsupervised in the playground. What do others think is the best course of action?

OP posts:
BoyScout · 09/04/2015 22:04

At 9 and 4, they're hardly toddlers are they? Possibly she should have been facing them but otherwise I don't think it was that outrageous.

MajesticWhine · 09/04/2015 22:05

I'm not sure I would do anything really. I might mention it to the friend. But I attended the slapdash school of parenting.

NotallTravellersarebad · 09/04/2015 22:06

They weren't unsupervised though were they.
What do you think she should have done? Followed them around, well the 4 year old? Because lots of parents don't at that age. Some read, some chat and glance around, this is what I would expect. I don't know training an au pair receives, it's hard to know if she was being naive or unreliable.

BeaufortBelle · 09/04/2015 22:08

I had au-pairs. One of the children you saw is just four. I'd have wanted to know this.

KeturahLee · 09/04/2015 22:08

An aupair is there as a babysitter, she's unlikely to have any training. She was in the vicinity and on hand if they needed her.

Hassled · 09/04/2015 22:09

4 is pretty damn young for effectively no supervision (apart from the copped-on sounding 9 year old). I know back in the day we all roamed the streets alone when we were tiny and no harm ever happened, but still - au-pair presumably has some sort of responsibility towards the children, and was using that time to have a nap. I do think you should mention it to the mum.

MrsFlannel · 09/04/2015 22:09

YANBU 9 is too young to be in charge of a 4 year old. Tell the Mother.

icelollycraving · 09/04/2015 22:11

God,I'd tell my friend if I was in this position. A four year old? My Ds is almost 4 & I wouldn't dream of not keeping a very close eye.
Where you near roads? Too many awful things could happen.

OstentatiousBreastfeeder · 09/04/2015 22:11

I think 9 is fine to be unsupervised - 4, not so much.

Are you saying she didn't get up or look at them for a couple of hours solid?

Jollyphonics · 09/04/2015 22:12

I disagree with the other posters. I think it's out of order to be asleep when you're looking after a 4 year old. Different for the 9 year old - my 9 year old DS goes to the park on his own - but at 4 years old kids really need to be watched. No need to follow them around and not avert your gaze for a second, but you should be looking over at least every couple of minutes, and be awake. Personally I would tell your friend.

LongHardStare · 09/04/2015 22:12

Mention it to your friend

phoenixrose314 · 09/04/2015 22:16

Sorry but if I entrusted someone to look after my child, at any age in primary school, and she appeared to be asleep on the job - that is not okay!!!! Anything can happen, of course you never think it'll happen to you until it does! What if the children had been snatched, or seriously injured?

FFS if you're being paid to do a job then bloody well do it.

Tell your friend.

YawnyMcYawn · 09/04/2015 22:20

Not acceptable for the 4 year old. Tell the mum.

Radiatorvalves · 09/04/2015 22:23

I have APs. I would definitely have wanted to know given one child is 4.

WonderingWillow · 09/04/2015 22:25

Essentially the au pair is sleeping at work. Not okay in anyone's book. I've had a crappy au pair, and a lot of people only mentioned how they felt after I fired her... Like the nursery, a workmate and my NDN were all like 'yeah we saw/heard xyz happen' (none that serious but I would have wanted to know, ESPECIALLY from the nursery!) and I was like 'thanks very much' because I actually felt really bad about firing her, even though I put a thread on here and talked it through with a friend.

dietcokeandwine · 09/04/2015 22:26

Agree re the 4yo.

Fine for 9yo (assuming sensible, no SNs, etc) to be left to roam about whilst knowing the au pair was vaguely in the vicinity should he need her.

But not the 4yo. They need a lot more of a watchful eye.

I would mention it to the mum too.

Imnotbeingyourbestfriendanymor · 09/04/2015 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patapouf · 09/04/2015 22:28

Tell their mum. Her pay is irrelevent, she wasn't doing he job!

DixieNormas · 09/04/2015 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/04/2015 22:29

You should tell your friend so she can decide for herself if this is a concern.

TheCowThatLaughs · 09/04/2015 22:30

It doesn't really matter what age the children are and whether they're ok to be unsupervised or not, because presumably the parents think the au pair is supervising them, but actually she's asleep! Tell the parents definitely

XiCi · 09/04/2015 22:34

Can't believe that some posters think it's ok not to supervise a 4 year old. I would definitely tell her

IceBeing · 09/04/2015 22:36

I have a nearly 4yo and definitely think you should tell the mother.

FernieB · 09/04/2015 22:44

I was an au pair once. I would tell the mum. Au pairs are basically live in babysitters and its a matter of luck as to whether you get a good one. My charges were 7 and 3 - I would never have left them to play by themselves in the park. I would have been supervising and playing with them.

KeturahLee · 09/04/2015 22:53

I don't supervise my 4 year old in the park. I sit down and she plays.