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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Sleep when she sleeps"

102 replies

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 08/04/2015 09:37

AIBU that whoever came up with this bollocks?

When my 3 month old sleeps I wash up, eat, have a brew, hang out washing or put washing on, have that shit I've been holding in for the last 3 hours, brush my hair,brush my teeth, put some clothes on that aren't pyjamas, have a wash, put the tea on, ....etc

Does anyone else actually sleep wen their LO sleeps?? (night doesn't count!)

OP posts:

Flingmoo · 08/04/2015 19:42

Those with just one need to know you CAN leave them for five minutes to go to the toilet, take a shower or do your hair, they will not come to harm honest.

Not if you have a wriggly little baby Houdini who loves to climb and eat everything in his path! I have to take my baby everywhere. He's not clingy, he's just a bloody adventurous escape artist. DH and I semi-seriously joked about putting "Danger" down as his middle name when registering the birth but we sensibly decided against it. Now I realise how apt it would've really been...

voddiekeepsmesane · 08/04/2015 19:42

squizita

voddiekeepsmesane · 08/04/2015 19:44

obviously my statement has to be taken to meaning that any child is safe ( with accordance to Houdini rules if needed)

GreenShadow · 08/04/2015 19:50

I couldn't have functioned properly if I hadn't napped at the same time as DS1. It became my overriding priority and we both established a very practical routine of sleeping after lunch for an hour or so. It made sooo much difference to my life.

Of course by the time DS2&3 came along this wasn't quite as easy, but given the chance I would still have rather snoozed than catch up on housework etc.

DixieNormas · 08/04/2015 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Amummyatlast · 08/04/2015 20:39

I had a velcro baby who screamed blue murder the moment she was put down, but refused to be in a sling. It took 6 weeks before she would even consider sleeping in her carrycot, so there was certainly no sleeping when she slept in the early weeks. And even when she started sleeping out of my arms, she only napped for about 30-45 minutes, usually long enough for me to go to the toilet, eat and drink something, then lie down for a few moments trying in vain to sleep, at which point she woke up.

whathaveiforgottentoday · 08/04/2015 20:47

I took advantage of this with DD1 and generally slept when she slept especially during the morning sleep but I am 'gifted at sleeping' and can sleep just about anyway at any time.

Didn't work when I had DD2 as DD1 wouldn't sleep with us.

Egog · 08/04/2015 20:54

That saying, usually delivered with a smug head-tilt, made me murderous when DD was smaller.

As others have posted, I'd have crashed the car if I slept when DD did. When I think of the petrol wasted while lapping junctions of the M5, I could cry.

Xocaraic · 08/04/2015 20:54

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease. I had twins and never ever ever ever slept when babies slept as I had a ton of stuff to get done. It was just me as DH at work morning until night and no family in our city.
It used to make me so blinking furious when people would say nap when babies nap.
The only way I functioned was when DH came home, I went to bed and slept from 9pm ish until midnight. Then after midnight feeds, burping settling back to bed until 4am feeds...it was utter torture

BananaDrama34 · 08/04/2015 20:59

I agree OP. My 4mo DD usually only sleeps on me, a miracle happened today though and I managed to put her down to sleep. I washed up, steralised some bottles, put a wash on and was about to sort my car insurance when I dropped a drinks coaster, it clattered on the table and she woke up!! Her nap lasted 20 minutes.

Callofthewild · 08/04/2015 20:59

Like Xocararic I also have twins who have never been good nappers. They are now 18 months and I've not had a nap since before they were born.

LePetitPont · 08/04/2015 21:21

I managed a few weeks of naps whilst my boy was tiny and the husband could hold him, and when he went back to work I used to doze whilst the baby slept on my chest on the sofa to A Place in the Sun every evening. I know, I know, but la leche league has an amazing book that explains about "friction fit" and chest sleeping and how you won't kill them.

Then the boy started doing really short naps, the cat (also not a potential baby hazard?!) used to disturb me and generally it all went to pot. Coupled with the best naps being conducted whilst being walked in the sling so no rest for me from about 8 weeks - 5 months. I just use the baby bjorn bouncer/play mat/bumbo to take him round with me, we've had a lovely time hanging out the washing in the sunshine!

Things are better with naps now, so If we've had a run of bad nights, I can sit down with him in the sling and doze or just co-sleep if I'm really desperate.

But as others have said, it is hard to switch off on demand!

MrsMook · 08/04/2015 21:22

DS1 was still a napper when DS2 was born? In pregnancy I used the hypnobirthing CD to doze off. I had SPD before and after the birth, and found the pain wearing and needed to rest a lot. I used the postnatal recovery CD after too. I also managed to suss feeding while lying down which helped.

OneFootIn1999 · 08/04/2015 21:37

I hated this advice too as I can't sleep in the day.

I think a point some people are missing is that it feels luxurious to have a shower without the company of a small baby. It is nicer to have a poo without being watched. It is more relaxing to clean the kitchen without a grumbling tiny friend rooting around on your chest in a sling. I never wanted to rest during naptime (still don't when my 2yo is asleep and my 5yo is at school), because the sweet delicious quiet and space to do stuff, aloooone, is wonderful.

Also, people perhaps forget how overwhelming it is to have your first baby. Yeah sure, when you have no 2 you manage to do several tasks all at once, with both kids awake, because you have to. But you are not experiencing the sheer mental mindfuck and physical bodyblow of your first baby. It really does feel impossible to get shit done, I remember that so clearly. So it's a bit unkind to scoff at OP's clearly lighthearted post.

Lucyccfc · 08/04/2015 23:13

That advice was a life saver for me when I had DS. I slept when he did until I went back to work when he was 8 months old.

I still managed to keep the house clean, shower, cook and poo when he was awake. I never felt the need to be joined at the hip with him and never fancied using a sling. He had a bouncy chair thingy, a Moses basket and a swing chair. If I needed to sort out his bottles, food or go to the toilet, I made sure he was safe in one of those.

Kaekae · 08/04/2015 23:18

Never worked for me. 1. I felt like I needed that head space so couldn't waste it by sleeping (no matter how tired I felt) and 2. nap time wouldn't be long enough, I know I would finally get off, then be woken up and that would just make me feel even more tired.

ScathingContempt · 08/04/2015 23:59

Take her to the toilet with you! I have a 4 month old and if I need a poo she lies on a change mat on the bathroom floor, while I tell her that the smell is my payback for the dirty nappies!

I agree about the rest though, I use nap times to either drag a cloth over something, or sit and enjoy some biscuits in front of iplayer. I can't sleep when she does because her nap times aren't set in stone and I can't just nod off on cue. Plus every 20 mins or so she gives a loud 'wah!' in her sleep which would jus wake me.

toomuchtooold · 09/04/2015 05:50

Ah the bitter irony of that advice when you have newborn twins. I actually got told that on the postnatal ward, as if the midwife in question hadn't noticed the sleeping baby in the cot next to the awake baby in my arms.

MooMaid · 09/04/2015 06:32

My PFB is 4 weeks old. I probably could've written most of this! I brushed my teeth at 5pm the other day - I'd forgotten I hadn't done it before and I felt like utter cack! It seems that when I decide to put DD down and nap, she wakes/stirs every 5 seconds....she likes to sleep on me

meglet · 09/04/2015 06:42

yanbu. when mine slept I had to do all the things I couldn't do when feeding, changing, amusing and soothing a baby.

nap times were for tidying up, eating and trying to get organised. I was often too stressed to sleep anyway.

DilysMoon · 09/04/2015 07:05

I don't nap a lot unless we've had an awful night but I do rest often with dd (5m) asleep on me. This is dc3 and I grab my rest when I can. Best thing I've bought is a wrap sling, she goes in there while I do jobs etc and I chat to her or sometimes she sleeps in it while I get on with things. Very handy but prefer sitting and cuddling or snoozing

Totality22 · 09/04/2015 07:14

I did with my first in those early weeks. Not every time he slept so I was able to do a few chores but if we'd been up a lot in the night we'd go back to bed for a bit when DP went to work. Or I'd have an hour while baby slept in afternoon.

He was a November baby so weather was shit. I don't think I'd have been able to nap if he was a summer baby?

He started sleeping 6-7 hours at night by the time he was about nine weeks so I didn't need to nap anymore.

Haven't had a single daytime nap with DC2 as toddler and baby rarely sleep at same time.

My advice is sleep if you need to. Fuck the chores or at least decide what is essential and leave rest for hubby or leave them all for hubby and take baby in chair with you to shower / brush teeth etc. Sleep deprivation is no fun!!!!

hiccupgirl · 09/04/2015 08:11

My DS only napped for 30 mins at a time until he was 9 months old when it went up to 45 mins at a time. So he would have 4x 30 min naps a day and no amount of routines made a damn bit of difference to this.

His 30 min nap was just enough time to have a shower, or wash the bottles or sit down with a coffee but not to sleep so I didn't sleep despite the fact his night time sleeping was awful too.

A HV did helpfully tell me that eventually I'd get so exhausted that I'd sleep anyway...never happened. But considering recently I've been struggling with insomnia and can get by on 2 hours a night for a couple of days, clearly being exhausted doesn't help me go to sleep at all.

Just ignore people who say about sleeping when your baby sleeps if it doesn't work for you.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 09/04/2015 08:24

This is another one of those threads where people think all babies behave exactly the same as theirs, and therefore if they can manage something they don't understand why everyone else can't

Kelly1814 · 09/04/2015 11:14

Mine did not nap in the day until she was 6 months. SIX MONTHS. She could stay awake for ten hours straight. If she did nod off it would be for maybe 20 minutes. How the fuck was I supposed to nap?! I would lie down, utterly exhausted (she woke every hour or two in the night too) and feel physically sick when she woke up screaming after 20 minutes.

Even when she did nap at 6 months, it was only for 45 minutes. Hell on earth. Never having another one!

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