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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"Sleep when she sleeps"

102 replies

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 08/04/2015 09:37

AIBU that whoever came up with this bollocks?

When my 3 month old sleeps I wash up, eat, have a brew, hang out washing or put washing on, have that shit I've been holding in for the last 3 hours, brush my hair,brush my teeth, put some clothes on that aren't pyjamas, have a wash, put the tea on, ....etc

Does anyone else actually sleep wen their LO sleeps?? (night doesn't count!)

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 08/04/2015 09:56

OP, your baby sounds like my GD, she won't be put down.

She'll be a different baby in a couple of months and you'll enjoy the summer with her, then she'll be a lovely age to enjoy Christmas.

There's no easy answer, they're all hard work, at some point.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 08/04/2015 09:56

Hmm. I sense your baby sleeps well at night. Not all of us are so lucky. I barely left the house for 2 months, I was so fucking tired I wanted to top myself. Still do from time to time as DD has never slept for more than about 4 hours and she's 15 months (and I went back to work with a 2.5 hour commute when she was 5.5 months). THAT is why people say nap now while you can. For gods sake.

Silvercatowner · 08/04/2015 09:58

Hahaha at the 'sleep when she sleeps'. With me it was 'lie down, shut eyes and DESPERATELY (and unsuccessfully) try to sleep'. I never could sleep 'on demand'.

FluffyTheEvilOne · 08/04/2015 09:58

'Just sleep when your baby sleeps'

Hahahahahahahaha. Ahahahaha. Haha. Aha. Ha.

That about sums up my feelings on the matter.

throckenholt · 08/04/2015 09:59

I did - with the first one - once I figured out how to get him to sleep during the day (took me ages to figure out he was overtired).

Whatever works for you is fine. Have to say though - as long as they are safe somewhere no reason why you shouldn't got to the loo while they are awake, or even do all the things you mentioned in your OP (although not all at the same time obviously :)).

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 08/04/2015 10:01

My pfb wouldn't sleep lying flat as a very small baby - looking back I think she had mild silent reflux probably, but as she was happy upright and put on weight despite bringing what looked like bucket loads back I assumed it was just how she was. I was sleep deprived but couldn't put her down and take a 90 minute nap!

However I started childminding when she was 11 months, and by then she and one mindee went down for naps in cots and I had to lie with my other mindee to get her to sleep, so ironically I often napped with someone else's child (with her mother's blessing - she was happy to have a childminder who didn't mind cuddling her to sleep as she was only 13 months when she started and the mum didn't want her left to cry).

I think it's advice people offer in retrospect but rarely do/ did themselves.

Birdsgottafly · 08/04/2015 10:03

I also think that unless you do have help, you have to realise that life, outside of the care of the baby, may have to stop, for a few months.

I do know that for the sake of your sanity, you need to get out, but then something may have to give elsewhere.

Baby's vary in their Care needs.

There's do many varying factors as how Sleep Deprivation is coped with. That's why it's part of the elite Forces training, people vary in their reactions.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 08/04/2015 10:10

YANBU OP this winds me up too! DS only naps in the day for little half hour stretches and I couldn't get to sleep in that time if I wanted. Plus I have to keep on top of things: food for me, bottles, washing, essentials shopping. Friends would say "leave all the housework and sleep" but it doesn't really work if you've got no bottles ready, no clean clothes for the baby, running out of nappies etc.
This sleep when your baby sleeps theory only also works if your baby will daytime nap for a longish stretch and you have one baby, although some are lucky to have 2 that nap at once

Thurlow · 08/04/2015 10:10

Another bout of hysterical laughter here.

DD only slept for 30 mins if she was lying down. Longer naps only came when we were out in the pushchair, or if she was lying on me - and they were only longer naps because I could catch her when she started to rouse after 30 mins and rock her back off.

Never could fall asleep on demand myself either, and always felt worse after a 30 min catnap.

It's a nice theory but only really works for some babies and some families.

I also think that unless you do have help, you have to realise that life, outside of the care of the baby, may have to stop, for a few months.

Also, life just can't stop for the first few months. People have to buy food to eat. People have to cook occasionally. People have to sterilise bottles and make up more formula. People have to clean the house occasionally before mould starts growing on every surface. People might also want the occasional bit of fresh air or, god forbid, conversation with an adult.

If you don't have help, how are you supposed to carry on if you don't leave the house?

Iggly · 08/04/2015 10:13

I would sit down for one nap. Even sitting down helped.

I used a sling a lot so could do chores when they were awake.
I also had a bouncy chair which I dragged around if I needed to do something and wanted baby with me.

formerbabe · 08/04/2015 10:13

When my 3 month old sleeps I wash up, eat, have a brew, hang out washing or put washing on, have that shit I've been holding in for the last 3 hours, brush my hair,brush my teeth, put some clothes on that aren't pyjamas, have a wash, put the tea on, ....etc

Why can't you do those things when your baby is awake? Put him or her in a bouncy chair or on a playmat where you can see them and get on with things. Its much more difficult when they are mobile and walking.

QueenB14 · 08/04/2015 10:14

I never used to sleep because it was so horrible being woken in the night and at the crack of dawn I didn't want to put myself through it more than I needed to and for my day to be a cycle of snatched sleep/being woken.

I'd have a bath or tidy up instead and could usually push past the worst of the exhaustion

formerbabe · 08/04/2015 10:15

I also think that unless you do have help, you have to realise that life, outside of the care of the baby, may have to stop, for a few months

Oh and this is completely ridiculous of course. How on earth do you think anyone copes with more than one child?!

Iggly · 08/04/2015 10:18

formerbabe it was only when I had my second child I realised that I could do more with a baby. But with your first, when you're tired and going out of your mind with sleep deprivation it is bloody hard and you genuinely feel like you can't do anything. It is also a big mental adjustment for most of us.
I remember the sense of achievement I felt when I could get myself and newborn baby ready and out of the house by 9am!!

cogitosum · 08/04/2015 10:22

I got so stressed trying to sleep when ds did. I actually relaxed more when I stopped trying (after about a week). He was a dreadful sleeper.

Stillwishihadabs · 08/04/2015 10:23

I slept when they slept until he was 18m, then I weaned us both off long afternoon naps.....Blush

Original poster
CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 08/04/2015 10:28

People got a bit serious here didn't they?

Was only meant to be a bit of light hearted morning banter.

I'll get back to the baby, it was more fun :)

OP posts:
0x530x610x750x630x79 · 08/04/2015 10:29

i loved my afternoon nap, my sahm mum never stopped hers, i remember being allowed to watch telly and then had to play quietly for 2 hours in the afternoon whilst she "rested her eyes"

Thurlow · 08/04/2015 10:45

0x530x610x750x630x79, my mum still does that now Grin

OP, 'sleep when your baby sleeps' was one of my pet hates of all the standard phrases that get bandied around. I wasn't a particularly big fan of 'trust your instincts' either - I've never had a baby before, I've never even held a baby for more than ten minutes, I don't have any instincts Confused

However the standard phrase that really got gets my hackles up was 'the baby hasn't read the book'. Well of course it hasn't read Gina Ford. It also hasn't read any books on attachment parenting, baby-led weaning or the benefits of being carried in a sling all the time. It'll do what it wants, there's nothing wrong with parents reading a few books if they want to.

HazleNutt · 08/04/2015 10:49

really depends on the baby - mine was happy to sit in his babybjörn and look around while awake, so I could do all you list while he was awake as well. If you have a velcro baby who screams when put down, the life is of course quite different.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/04/2015 10:55

I could never do it either, I can't generally snooze during the day, especially if not knowing how long I've got till I get woken again. It was time to get on with stuff that needed doing for me too, I spent enough time marooned on the sofa feeding that I needed to be moving about when DS was asleep.

ThursdayLast · 08/04/2015 11:03

Sleeping when the baby slept worked quite well for me Smile
It's like any advice though isn't it? Make it work for you when you need it - ignore it if you don't!

Not everyday obviously, and actually the whole 'ignore the housework' thing drove me bonkers because I like to live in an organised environment - but even just lying down and reading my book for 20 minutes was sometimes better than becoming a martyr Wink

Birdsgottafly · 08/04/2015 11:05

""Oh and this is completely ridiculous of course. How on earth do you think anyone copes with more than one child?!""

As said, you are less tippy toeing round the baby with your second. I see my DD doing that, it's perfectly normal, though.

What I mean by what I said, is, I see New Mums putting themselves under pressure and being put under pressure to carry on as normal, whereas this is, or can be (depending on baby) totally unrealistic.

If we were more open and honest about sleep deprivation, how hard going having, even a much wanted baby strapped to you 24/7, BF, going through Colic etc is, it would help New/Pregnant Mums.

There isn't an answer, except for some, using a sling, chair that rocks etc, helps.

Life's easier now, with Internet Shopping and accessible buses, I had mine before that, but life still does have to slow down for a few months, if you have a baby that doesn't sleep independently.

Nothing can replace how a baby needs to be cared for in the first three months, so you have to just get on with it.

I also don't understand why the things listed can't be done, you learn to do everything one handed.

If you are a LP, otherwise your Partner should be taking on more, little babies need bonding time.
My DDs Partner, (and most I know) should do more, but is still restricted by working hours.

It doesn't last long, as much as it feels like.

BreakingDad77 · 08/04/2015 11:26

I would agree with Birdsgottafly about the pressure on new parents. I feel for lone mums but if you have a partner there no excuse why they shouldn't be doing more chores etc, too much 'mum only' martydom.

Dunkling · 08/04/2015 11:27

I think the idea behind that ditty was that although what you are saying is what actually happens, when baby is tiny you should not feel guilty stuffing the pots, washing, house etc, as your health and sanity is more important. Never met anyone that actually did sleep when the baby sleeps though, past the first week... I certainly remember it as you put it.

My own midwife said it is about doing what keeps you sane, be it sleep, painting your toenails, washing your hair, reading a book and relaxing. For me sanity as an OCD sufferer was a clean and tidy house so I was like you, running around like a headless chicken doing.