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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my "friend" was irresponsible last night? Bit long, sorry.

90 replies

Yambabe · 05/04/2015 18:07

I had a night out last night, with a friend that I have known for about a year. I met her initially at a music event through some mutual friends, we have since spoken on facebook and by text/phone fairly regularly but only met up again twice, in company.

She has always seemed nice enough, if a bit intense sometimes, and maybe a bit lonely. Mid 40s and long divorced but has a god job, own house & car, plenty of friends, full social life etc.

Anyway back to last night. I had a couple of tickets to go and see a local band that I am friends with via my son (they are his age-group rather than mine so late 20s) and DH didn't fancy it so I asked her if she wanted to go as I know she likes the same sort of music as me. It was in a nearby city, she lives on the outskirts and as I have not been too well this week I booked myself a city-centre hotel room for the night Plan was she would get a taxi in from hers, we would go for a meal and a catch-up, go to the gig, meet up with a few other people we know including the band for drinks afterwards then do the taxi journey in reverse with me getting dropped off on the way.

She seemed OK if a little giddy when we went to eat, had a couple of glasses of wine with the meal, all good so far. Then we got in the club and oh dear, she was knocking back the wine like it was going out of fashion. I wasn't even going to attempt to keep up (although I can put away a fair bit myself on a night out usually) and tried to gently suggest that she slow down a bit but to no avail. At this point she started to get a bit embarrassing, throwing herself at the lads, touching them inappropriately etc. They are nice blokes and took it well but I was mortified. I suggested that we maybe call it a night after the show and go home then but she was having none of it and off we went to the pub where she continued to make a show of herself, fell over a couple of times, was sitting on the knee of one of the blokes and trying to kiss him, you get the idea. At this point some of their girlfriends had turned up and this was NOT going down well.

I finally managed to get her out of the pub before anyone started a fight with her, by this point she could barely stand unaided and started to cry, saying that nobody loved her and that seeing some homeless people sleeping rough nearby had really upset her. I managed to bundle her into a cab and got her coherent enough to give her address to the driver (I didn't actually know where she lived) only to discover that it was a lot further out of town than I thought and for me to stay in the cab and see her home then come back to my hotel (which had been my first thought) would have cost more than the hotel room, and nearly as much as a taxi home for me would have been. So, feeling a little guilty and also quite angry, I got out at my hotel, gave the cab driver enough to cover her fare and left her to it.

I texted her this morning to see if she was OK and just got "bad head, talk later" back, nothing since. I know she had plans for other friends to go to hers today so I'm hoping she is just busy and possibly embarrassed.

I just can't believe that someone could get themselves quite so wasted in the company of someone they barely knew and depend on that other person to keep them safe and get them home, or maybe even not worry about how they were going to get home!

Sorry this has turned out so long and ranty. I still feel like I was a bit U to not see her all the way home but on the other hand I think she was a total arse to get herself in that state and just wanted to get it off my chest. AIBU to think that you just don't behave like that?

OP posts:
Slowtrain2dawn · 05/04/2015 18:13

I too would feel a bit guilty about not taking her home. I would probably have taken her to the hotel and let her share the room but I am way too soft. Yanbu, because I guess it was her choice to drink that much. I am surprised the taxi driver took her though!

trappedinsuburbia · 05/04/2015 18:18

Maybe she was nervous and just drank way too much, i would have been annoyed as well though.

WonderingWillow · 05/04/2015 18:20

Yes I also think nervous, eager to impress and drank too much. She is probably mortified now.

Eigg · 05/04/2015 18:23

I'm not much of a drinker and I get extremely annoyed with people who get so drunk that they require other people to take responsibility for their well being and safety.

ResurrectAndEatShitChoc · 05/04/2015 18:24

Think most people have a night like that.

It's needed sometimes. Not irresponsible unless she went home to bath kids or something,

I get smashed when I go to town clubbing every time.

mayfridaycomequickly · 05/04/2015 18:25

It sounds like you really tried to encourage her to calm down the drinking. She chose not to.

bet she shagged the taxi driver

ScotsWhaHae · 05/04/2015 18:28

It happens Blush

DCITennison · 05/04/2015 18:29

Surely a night like that, making an absolute tit of yourself, is the very last thing anyone needs?
I'd be giving her a wide berth from now on.

DCITennison · 05/04/2015 18:31

Bet she shagged the taxi driver

What?? Hmm

trappedinsuburbia · 05/04/2015 18:31

Mayfriday, I thought that about the taxi driver as well Grin

Eigg · 05/04/2015 18:33

Resurrect you don't think it's a bit irresponsible to get yourself in such a state you need someone else to help you get home safely?

Eigg · 05/04/2015 18:34

To clarify Res I didn't mean to impel that you go that, I meant it's irresponsible for anyone (male of female)

Faez · 05/04/2015 18:34

If she could barely give her address then no one should've been shagging her.

revealall · 05/04/2015 18:35

Well it's not good but frankly not really unheard of in the UK.I expect she is most embarrassed because she's an older woman- looking a bit tragic, rather than the behaviour itself.
Go somewhere she has to drive from next time.

slimyhappypeople · 05/04/2015 18:35

I'm really hoping she didn't shag the taxi driver since she was too drunk to consent Hmm

slimyhappypeople · 05/04/2015 18:36

( Hmm faces directed at those who are grinning at the idea of an incapable woman having sex with the person who has been entrusted to get her home safely )

ResurrectAndEatShitChoc · 05/04/2015 18:37

It happens. No harm done.

Is it irresponsible if you do it every single time? Probably and annoying for who you are with.

One off? Not at all in my opinion.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 05/04/2015 18:39

I bet she is really embarrassed. I've gotten in that state a few times because its easy to underestimate the power of wine. She should say sorry for being a pain though. I wouldn't let it ruin a friendship.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 05/04/2015 18:41

Xpost Derek! Great minds drink alike Easter Blush

BIWI · 05/04/2015 18:44

Nice bit of ageism there, revealall Hmm

Eigg · 05/04/2015 18:44

Resurrect you see, it completely ruins my night if I end up looking after someone who is throwing up/can't stand/ is acting very inappropriately.

I want to go out and have a nice time, not be embarrassed/hold someone's hair/leave early.

My tolerance for this sort of thing with friends = once only.

A work colleague has done it twice now. I'll be finding an excuse not to go on a team night out with her again.

HappinessHappening · 05/04/2015 18:48

YANBU

and it's disgusting that she was touching the men inappropriately, she should feel ashamed of herself for that alone

ResurrectAndEatShitChoc · 05/04/2015 18:48

My mum had her first taste of jäger bombs last year.

She was rat arsed by 10:30 and her colleague was ringing step dad to pick her up Grin

They had to carry her and get her in the car and fasten her in while she flopped and sang.

Did they all stop talking to her because she was tragic looking due to being older?

Did they end the friendship?

No. Do you know what they did?

They took the piss and now she gets jäger related gifts from them at xmas and me and brother

Because in RL friends are there and no matter your age you are free to get so smashed your husband has to come collect you 2 hours after dropping go you off!

trappedinsuburbia · 05/04/2015 18:48

Oh that will be me then slimey, no woman ever got pissed and tried to get off with a taxi driver in your tiny world then.
Fuck sake, only on this website can you say something remotely risky and the pearl clutchers are having a heart attack.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 05/04/2015 18:51

happiness I agree the touching carry on is crossing a line. I don't do that drunk. it would require coordination