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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my "friend" was irresponsible last night? Bit long, sorry.

90 replies

Yambabe · 05/04/2015 18:07

I had a night out last night, with a friend that I have known for about a year. I met her initially at a music event through some mutual friends, we have since spoken on facebook and by text/phone fairly regularly but only met up again twice, in company.

She has always seemed nice enough, if a bit intense sometimes, and maybe a bit lonely. Mid 40s and long divorced but has a god job, own house & car, plenty of friends, full social life etc.

Anyway back to last night. I had a couple of tickets to go and see a local band that I am friends with via my son (they are his age-group rather than mine so late 20s) and DH didn't fancy it so I asked her if she wanted to go as I know she likes the same sort of music as me. It was in a nearby city, she lives on the outskirts and as I have not been too well this week I booked myself a city-centre hotel room for the night Plan was she would get a taxi in from hers, we would go for a meal and a catch-up, go to the gig, meet up with a few other people we know including the band for drinks afterwards then do the taxi journey in reverse with me getting dropped off on the way.

She seemed OK if a little giddy when we went to eat, had a couple of glasses of wine with the meal, all good so far. Then we got in the club and oh dear, she was knocking back the wine like it was going out of fashion. I wasn't even going to attempt to keep up (although I can put away a fair bit myself on a night out usually) and tried to gently suggest that she slow down a bit but to no avail. At this point she started to get a bit embarrassing, throwing herself at the lads, touching them inappropriately etc. They are nice blokes and took it well but I was mortified. I suggested that we maybe call it a night after the show and go home then but she was having none of it and off we went to the pub where she continued to make a show of herself, fell over a couple of times, was sitting on the knee of one of the blokes and trying to kiss him, you get the idea. At this point some of their girlfriends had turned up and this was NOT going down well.

I finally managed to get her out of the pub before anyone started a fight with her, by this point she could barely stand unaided and started to cry, saying that nobody loved her and that seeing some homeless people sleeping rough nearby had really upset her. I managed to bundle her into a cab and got her coherent enough to give her address to the driver (I didn't actually know where she lived) only to discover that it was a lot further out of town than I thought and for me to stay in the cab and see her home then come back to my hotel (which had been my first thought) would have cost more than the hotel room, and nearly as much as a taxi home for me would have been. So, feeling a little guilty and also quite angry, I got out at my hotel, gave the cab driver enough to cover her fare and left her to it.

I texted her this morning to see if she was OK and just got "bad head, talk later" back, nothing since. I know she had plans for other friends to go to hers today so I'm hoping she is just busy and possibly embarrassed.

I just can't believe that someone could get themselves quite so wasted in the company of someone they barely knew and depend on that other person to keep them safe and get them home, or maybe even not worry about how they were going to get home!

Sorry this has turned out so long and ranty. I still feel like I was a bit U to not see her all the way home but on the other hand I think she was a total arse to get herself in that state and just wanted to get it off my chest. AIBU to think that you just don't behave like that?

OP posts:
WrappedInABlankie · 06/04/2015 00:45

YNBU

No matter what age you are you take responsibility for yourself you do not under any circumstances drink to the point she did whether it's nerves or because you just weren't watching why you were drinking. It's not my responsibility to baby sit you, nor will I!!

It doesn't just happen or happens to nearly everyone imo. No Matter what age! I'm 22 and I've never got drunk in public let alone to the state in groping and harassing other people! Confused in fact I've been to one club and it was full of drunk, gropey idiots who had far to much to drink. I've never not will I ever step foot back in oneConfused

It's horrid to see people like that, they're the type of people lying on the floor flashing their genitalia, pissing and picking on the pavement before They lay in it! gross!

53Dragon · 06/04/2015 00:48

Patsyandeddie personally I think the pissheads are the boring ones - they think they're so witty when they're stumbling about braying with laughter - it's just tedious.

DianeLockhart · 06/04/2015 00:48

Patsy Hmm nothing sanctimonious at all about thinking its out of order to get so wasted you require other people to put themselves out to look after you. If that's your idea of fun or a great night out then the mind boggles really.

Pagwatch · 06/04/2015 02:43
Grin

God yes, everyone who has ever drunk too much ends up lying on the floor flashing their genitalia.

[that is a big fat lie]

[or the hyperbole of the chronically dumb]

Pagwatch · 06/04/2015 02:44

Oh and of course the pissing and rolling in it. That too. Not at all proposterous exaggeration.

worridmum · 06/04/2015 03:23

truth be told the only horror stories about drinking I have experenced is my younger brother (on 18th birthday I had to go collect him from a small town called MOLD in north wales after he went out to liverpool to celibrate his birthday he had apprently gone home with a much older lady (woke up in her bed with her holding him apprantly) but cannot remeber anything of the night out after about 9pmish

loveblackcats · 06/04/2015 04:18

I expect she is most embarrassed because she's an older woman- looking a bit tragic, rather than the behaviour itself.

hmm, great friend you are.

PeachyPants · 06/04/2015 08:11

loveblackcats that's a bit harsh, OP spent her whole night looking after her 'friend' who'd chosen to get herself in this position and even offered to let her share her hotel room (which is more generous than I'd have been as clearing up vomit and piss) then put her in a taxi home. It sounds like she totally ruined OP's night, I'd give her a wide berth from now on, people who get so shitfaced that they need someone else to look after them are not good company and are either selfish or troubled.

revealall · 06/04/2015 08:14

Ha! loveblackcats. As I said I have been there myself and I 100% think it looks tragic. Ageist or not that's what I think. I also used to wear plaits in my 20's - cute and funky. In my forties I look really sad with them in.

I also don't think that drunk women harassing men is quite the same as drunk men for many reasons HOWEVER I also don't think drunk older men being inappropriate are a problem either. Just smile and tell them to F off. They can take it.

PeachyPants · 06/04/2015 08:16

Sorry loveblackcats I realise I'd completely misread the point of your post Blush.

BIWI · 06/04/2015 13:37

I also don't think that drunk women harassing men is quite the same as drunk men for many reasons

Really?!

And what reasons might those be?

ApplePaltrow · 06/04/2015 14:02

Agree with revealall. Men can typically overpower women, drunk or not. Men are more likely to turn violent because of entitlement. I've had a man throw a drink over me because I didn't want to dance with him. Other women have had much worse. Women are much more likely to be assaulted and to have been assaulted by men so it's a more loaded act when a man is inappropriately persistent. Women know they won't be believed as victims when drunk because of horrible victim blaming.

A women drunkenly propositioning a man is totally different because it's not a threat to that man.

Flissypix · 06/04/2015 14:48

I can understand you being pissed at this women, she behaved like a dick. However I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was having a bad day which resulted in her getting too drunk and acting like an idiot. I think it would be different if it was a pattern of behaviour ever time you go out. I bet she was mortified this morning and cringing about everything you described.
I did something similar at xmas I went out with a group of friends I was feeling a bit down and bit shit about myself got trashed (not my intention) danced on a table, fell off the table (and tried to style it out by pretending I was having a nap WTF) generally behaved like a moron. The next day I was mortfied, thankfully my friends laughed it off (most I have known for many years) as they had never seen me like that.
Tell her she was embarrassing but don't be so hard on her.

hollyisalovelyname · 13/04/2015 20:13

Update please

Stealthpolarbear · 13/04/2015 20:27

proud mummy I thought a taxi was the sensible thing. to stop the 'anything' happening
pag I want to hear that joke

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