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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if all you want to do is stick the knife in then wind your bloody necks in.

123 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2015 17:36

Blatant Taat but it doesn't matter what thread, its been deleted now.

A young (ish) mum comes to mnet looking for support. Describes a pretty unideal start to her dc's life but has pulled things back. Is now struggling with what many many parents struggle with - bad behaviour and feeling overwhelmed.

People couldn't wait to tell her how disgusted they were. She clearly needed support. self esteem on the floor but really trying to sort things out.

hounded from the boards by a group of judgemental posters with nothing more helpful to add than "your poor child" Hmm

i hope they feel proud of themselves.

OP posts:
Writerwannabe83 · 05/04/2015 17:40

I agree. Sometimes it feels like some posters deliberately search to find a negative within the post, magnify it or twist it and make sly digs to purposefully try and hurt the OP's feelings. It's horrible Sad

fuctifino · 05/04/2015 17:41

Missed that one.
It's a bit of a problem on here though isn't it? If you're a newbie, you do tend to have to run the gauntlet before gaining acceptance.
It's a little bit like an initiation ceremony.

Sorry for the person who really could have done with some support.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 05/04/2015 17:46

I was told I was as bad as racists for pointing out that Nigel Farage had weird smile because I was judging him on his looks. Even if he looked like Michael Fassbender, still wouldn't vote for him.

I felt quite horrid after it.

So I agree that some people just want to make you feel shit. Parenting is hard enough without someone saying your a shit parent, when in reality the people saying it, are very far from the perfect parents they like to think they are.

Applecross · 05/04/2015 17:47

Agree, it's a support network, not a chance for people to enjoy moments of self congratulatory sanctimony

ResurrectAndEatShitChoc · 05/04/2015 17:49

You could post you ate a sandwich for dinner and someone would come along to tell you that you are a worthless human who needs to seek therapy for the obvious junk addiction you have.

There is always some twat who wants to put every fucker down just help them feel better about their miserable existence

Ubik1 · 05/04/2015 17:50

I hate all this 'oooh we are such a straight talking bunch, telling it like it is, oooh aren't we a best of vipers.'

First time I've heard the 'initiation' and 'gaining acceptance' schtick though.

Get over yourselves. And be a bit nicer to folk.

LaurieFairyCake · 05/04/2015 17:50

I only saw that thread when posters were posting lovely helpful comments

Sad to hear it went downhill

emotionsecho · 05/04/2015 17:52

I only read part of the thread you are referring to LEM and it was starting to veer into a judgmental bloodbath when I left it.

I planned to go back and comment as I actually admired the posters' honesty about the situation and lack of 'poor me' rhetoric. I'm saddened that the poster did not receive help and support to change the situation which is what she was desperately reaching out for.

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2015 17:52

but nigel farage does look like some weird sinister parody of jim carey. i think you had a fair point Grin

OP posts:
ouryve · 05/04/2015 17:54

If it's the thread Im thinking of, I saw an awful lot of people admonishing the OP and none of those people offering constructive advice about how not to get to that point again.

thornrose · 05/04/2015 17:55

I just want to run onto threads and say "Come on, it's Easter!" but that would be pathetic.

I tried it with my stroppy teen earlier her eyes rolled so far I thought she was about to pass out.

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2015 17:55

emotion - it was awful and i think i left before it really turned nasty. It also made it really difficult to post constructively without sounding like you were joining the witch hunt

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 05/04/2015 17:55

Completely agree LEM, but it is scary to wade in and say 'hold on a minute, don't be so nasty'
I need to be braver.

Perhaps I need a key phrase. NOT 'DYMTBSR' but a. Proper, useful phrase that I can use when I think people are being an arse

BigRedBall · 05/04/2015 17:57

Nigel garage looks like tim curry and cat in the hat.

BigRedBall · 05/04/2015 17:57

Farage.

Joyfulleastersquad · 05/04/2015 17:58

Yeah, I noticed its the same posters over and over again - and they are even long term posters (well been here before me -five years)

Original poster
TheoriginalLEM · 05/04/2015 17:58

thornrose - sometimes i feel like running onto threads and shouting "stop being a cunt" . not sure that would work with a stroppy teen though! despite often wanting to say it to mine

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 05/04/2015 17:59

I was trying to frame a constructive, helpful post in my mind before returning but I would imagine if it turned that bad it would have just got lost amongst the vitriol.

Not MN's finest hour.

Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 18:00

I got thoroughly told off yesterday!

I think some posters just like being unpleasant.

Sallystyle · 05/04/2015 18:00

If I see arsholery I will always jump in and say something. Usually others follow.

The thread was then about to be removed when I read it.

Some MNers pride themselves on being arseholes.

ThatBloodyWoman · 05/04/2015 18:03

Well the answer is that when there's a bloodbath going on,those of us who know better,get in amongst it,and hold back the baying masses,and use the report button as needed.
I hate seeing a poster rounded upon above and beyond any need especially when its me.
And I would ban the word entitled forthwith.

thecatfromjapan · 05/04/2015 18:05

Some people post on mumsnet because it is a safe way to get rid of the chaos locked up inside their heads. Unfortunately, there are, quite often, real people on the receiving end of all the hatred - not just 'words on a screen'.

I've done it myself at times. Not something I'm proud of.

There are some posters who do this on a routine basis. I think they must be deeply unhappy people.

emotionsecho · 05/04/2015 18:06

I was on a thread recently and the OP intimated that I'd been a bit off in my posts, I re-read them and had to admit that, yes, actually I had come across as an unnecessarily grumpy git. I did the only decent thing and apologised, which the OP accepted, thankfully.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2015 18:07

Golden you got told off because of the perfect storm of three MN groups; grammar Nazis (you used they as a singular noun Shock ); people who get pissed off with men using MN to get points against female partners (which is 90% of the time the genders are disguised); people who get pissed off that people think they make assumptions based on gender/sexuality.

LEM of course you can run on and shout 'stop being a cunt'. Often the issue is that the OP engages with the shouters and doesn't with the reasonable posts. Understandable but not helpful.

ResurrectAndEatShitChoc · 05/04/2015 18:08

I think the people who mention just spelling and grammar on threads are also baying for blood as who thinks;

Oh what a shit time you are having but let's make you feel shit by just posting 'ITS HAVE NOT OF'

Swipe left for the next trending thread