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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday en suite

109 replies

Charlie97 · 05/04/2015 13:26

Ok, I come from a fairly large family, three siblings (myself included) have all said for years we would like to all go to Scotland together to visit relatives. This was including our spouses, talked about it for ages, no one ever organised it.

I always seem to organise everything but was trying to take a back seat on this one.

Anyhow, OH and I were discussing next years holidays, decided ..... Right we are going to Scotland, on xxxx date and seeing the relatives (they are not getting any younger), so I said I would give DS x 2 the choice if they wish to join us.

So text, hi, we have decided that we are going to go to Scotland, you are more than welcome to join us, we intend to stay XYZ, happy to look for a bigger cottage if you do wish to come.

Both sets want to come, that's lovely.

So I found a cottage that fits the vast majority of spec we want, I've sourced flights and car hire.

The cottage has two bathrooms, one is en suite, I feel that this is our holiday and they were invited to join us, so therefore we get first dibs at the en-suite?

One DS thinks we should draw lots, but I just feel I've done all the leg work and actually made the decision and this should maybe be a bit of a fair enough Charlie, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be going again next year.

AIBU and horribly entitled?

I accept we will all be paying the same.

OP posts:
Brandysnapper · 06/04/2015 09:29

Oldest person gets the best room. Anyone who is a mother to the others gets it.

BlackDaisies · 06/04/2015 09:38

Glad you sorted it out. I was going to suggest putting it to them like this "I've found a cottage, but it only has one ensuite, which I'd like. Are you happy to share a bathroom or do you want me to keep looking" followed by a sweet smile Smile

HeyDuggee · 06/04/2015 09:57

Two options
As you did all the organising beforehand, you get a free pass for one or two days where you don't do your share of cooking or cleaning in a rota. That way, the other two couples are pulling their weight too and you don't feel you've out in more work overall. You draw lots on the ensuite.

Or. Tell them I found this cottage - for you an ensuite is a must but you can't find one with 3 ensuites. What do they want to do... Look for more choices themselves or take the rooms without ensuite? You have til x date to decide. Otherwise you're booking a cottage just for you and they can find a separate 2 bed cottage nearby on same dates etc.

HeyDuggee · 06/04/2015 09:59

Doh! I somehow skipped page 3 with OPs update

SconessMcFloness · 06/04/2015 10:13

Op you were right to get the ensuite, lots of hours go into organising holidays and everyone else sits back happily allowing you to do all the research - it's a well deserved perk!

DramaAlpaca · 06/04/2015 13:41

Glad you sorted it all out, OP.

Hope you have a lovely holiday.

NotYouNaanBread · 06/04/2015 14:36

I think you (and a lot of posters here) are overthinking it. You're the one who has organised this trip, you get the ensuite. Make the decision and don't turn it into a big deal for everybody.

NotYouNaanBread · 06/04/2015 14:38

Ooops! I'm glad you got it all sorted out.

ClumsyNinja · 06/04/2015 14:48

OP. Good outcome!

You definitely deserve the en-suite as a reward for organising the holiday.

Hope you all have a lovely time. Wine

CaspianSea · 06/04/2015 15:05

OP I appreciate you've made a decision on this and I hope you all enjoy the holiday. I still don't agree with your reasoning, but at least you discussed it with others and they agreed to let you take ensuite.

I don't know how you divide up your holiday costs (groceries, trips etc) but I strongly advise you pay more towards accommodation cost than the others, to make it fair. This will help avoid undercurrent of unspoken resentment that may affect future holidays.

I also agree with the poster who said expect others to want to use the ensuite (eg to have a shower when other bathroom is busy). If your DSx2 join as you originally stated, there will be 6 adults sharing one shower/toilet and its therefore unreasonable that you and DH keep ensuite all to yourselves. Try to see things from their point of view... if you had to share a bathroom with 6 people and the only other bathroom was declared out of bounds, you would think the couple selfish.

PoppyFleur · 06/04/2015 15:42

Whoever does the leg work gets the best room, agree with the other poster who said it's the finders fee. There has to be some benefit to doing all the organising work!

QueQuesto · 06/04/2015 15:53

There's only 4 people sharing the other bathroom, Dsis x 2 plus husbands. I don't think that's a huge hardship, my family home only has one bathroom no separate toilet or anything and we manage.

Original poster
Charlie97 · 06/04/2015 16:27

Caspian it's 6 people in total so 4 will be sharing!

I won't be paying any extra for accommodation and we are just splitting groceries etc three ways.

I am certain there is no underlying anger at me, they are very pleased that the arrangements are being made and organised for them.

They also do not think I am bossy, controlling, selfish or anything of the sort.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charlie97 · 06/04/2015 16:28

And Caspian I think you'll see a lot of PPs also agree with me, do I'm not that unusual??

OP posts:
AngelDreams · 06/04/2015 16:29

"but I strongly advise you pay more towards accommodation cost than the others, to make it fair"

Bollocks - shes arranging it, she found it, and is sorting it out - if the others must have a sodding en-suite, then they can go a look for one

Janethegirl · 06/04/2015 16:43

OP, I think it's fair that you are having the ensuite.
I have managed to book accommodation with 3 bedrooms, each with their own ensuite, and it is wheelchair accessible and has wifi, but I've had to make other compromises.
Will see how it works out later in the year Grin, or whether I kill my dsis or DM!!

eyebags63 · 06/04/2015 17:00

If I had gone to the effort of arranging everything I would be having the en suite / my room of preference. If the others don't like it they can fuck off home.

Marynary · 06/04/2015 18:05

The best idea would be for the person with the ensuite to pay a bit more.I don't agree that the fact you organised the holiday entitles you to the ensuite as organising a cottage is not that much hassle nowadays with the internet. Maybe one of your sibling would have been happy to organise it and get the best room but you didn't give them the chance.

Original poster
Charlie97 · 06/04/2015 18:11

Quite the opposite Mary, they've had around four years to organise it and never have!

We were going anyway, we would've had a cottage on our own, they've been invited to join us if they wish.

As I say it's all sorted now anyway and we are all very much looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Charlie97 · 06/04/2015 18:13

Janetthegirl, we had to compromise on something, it was the en suites that was deemed the "least" important. Walking distance to the local was the most GrinGrinGrin

OP posts:
Marynary · 06/04/2015 18:18

Maybe one of them would have organised it though if you had just asked them if they wanted to go and said that the person who booked the accommodation would get the best room!

CaspianSea · 06/04/2015 18:21

I agree with Marynary and I'm shocked so many people think being organiser entitles you to claim best room yet pay same price!
There's way more 'legwork' to a successful holiday than the initial finding of accommodation. In my experience everyone contributes in different ways, eg some do more cooking, grocery shopping, driving, or take charge of entertainment or planning day-trips.
I organize several group holidays/long weekends each year for family and friends, for me the reward is getting everyone together and spending quality time with them. I don't need the best room as a reward (or incentive) to do the research and booking.

AugustaGloop · 06/04/2015 18:56

I go on a villa holiday every year with a group of friends (and families). I tend to do most of the legwork, sometimes along with another friend. We discuss location, I ask for a list of must haves from everyone and then research and try to find a shortlist of 2 or 3 (usually expressing a preference but would be happy with any of the shortlist). There is an unspoken understanding that whoever has organised (usually me) gets first choice of room subject to any particular needs. I would not insist on this if anyone did not think it fair, but frankly it does take a long time to find somewhere suitable (it is a big group and the list of specific requirements gets longer every year), so I do think it is reasonable. Frankly I would be delighted if someone took over the organising and would trade in the best room no probs (we always make sure there are no bad rooms, so it is a choice between good and best).
Last year another friend came with us for the first time. She and her family arrived first and they took the best room (with the best childrens room next door). I was a bit miffed as they had done the least in terms of organising and had not even suggested we draw lots - just helped themselves. My friend who helped organised was very angry but again did not say anything. That family are coming again this year and again have played no part in organising apart from a long list of requirements. They are likely to arrive first again as they will be in the area a few days beforehand so will be able to turn up on the dot of 3 which is the earliest we have access.

So should we say something in advance this time?

Marynary · 06/04/2015 19:04

I'm not sure what an "unspoken agreement" is really. If you don't discuss an issue how do you know that everyone agrees?

Original poster
Charlie97 · 06/04/2015 19:06

Augustus, yes you should! That's totally outrageous, on what basis do they warrant having the first room? We got there first? Wrong.

OP posts: