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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday en suite

109 replies

Charlie97 · 05/04/2015 13:26

Ok, I come from a fairly large family, three siblings (myself included) have all said for years we would like to all go to Scotland together to visit relatives. This was including our spouses, talked about it for ages, no one ever organised it.

I always seem to organise everything but was trying to take a back seat on this one.

Anyhow, OH and I were discussing next years holidays, decided ..... Right we are going to Scotland, on xxxx date and seeing the relatives (they are not getting any younger), so I said I would give DS x 2 the choice if they wish to join us.

So text, hi, we have decided that we are going to go to Scotland, you are more than welcome to join us, we intend to stay XYZ, happy to look for a bigger cottage if you do wish to come.

Both sets want to come, that's lovely.

So I found a cottage that fits the vast majority of spec we want, I've sourced flights and car hire.

The cottage has two bathrooms, one is en suite, I feel that this is our holiday and they were invited to join us, so therefore we get first dibs at the en-suite?

One DS thinks we should draw lots, but I just feel I've done all the leg work and actually made the decision and this should maybe be a bit of a fair enough Charlie, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be going again next year.

AIBU and horribly entitled?

I accept we will all be paying the same.

OP posts:
CaspianSea · 05/04/2015 19:24

'Why shouldn't the OP get the best room given she's put the work in. Another time a sibling may take the responsibility and then she gets the best room'

But next time there may not be an ensuite or a 'best room'. As organiser you get a lot more choice than anyone as to location, dates, type of house. This is one of reasons I like being the organiser. But you need to be fair. Taking best room as 'payment' for research and booking looks greedy, selfish and a bit controlling, even though people won't tell you to your face. You could easily find a place with 2 bathrooms (shared not ensuite) so everyone has access to same facilities. If you were paying for whole trip as a treat to rest of family I'd say go ahead take the ensuite, but you're not, you're just organising the logistics. It's a group trip and you're expecting others to pay the same amount. I'm sure others on trip will do their fair share of work in different ways eg someone taking on shopping, driving, researching and planning trips, food prep, bringing entertainment. The initial research and booking is not the only responsibility or even the biggest! People contribute in different ways. If you feel they're not mucking in, allocate roles.

MyCatIsAGit · 05/04/2015 20:25

There's some weird answers on here. With my family whoever organised it would get the en suite, but tbh would probably have to get there quick to make sure whoever got there first didn't baggy it all innocent like...

PHANTOMnamechanger · 05/04/2015 20:38

blimey, if I was doing all the legwork,yes I would want the first choice of room and if my siblings or friends were the sort to kick up a fuss, then I would not be going on holiday with them in the first place! same would apply if one of the rooms was a double and the other were twin rooms. I'd choose the one I wanted.

DramaAlpaca · 05/04/2015 20:43

You organised the holiday, so you get the en-suite. Absolute no-brainer, IMO.

CaspianSea · 05/04/2015 21:21

When I go away on group holidays, the person who organises it never claims best room. If there's only 1 ensuite we offer it to people who've had longest journey, or if someone has a birthday or special occasion coming up (eg just got engaged or anniversary) it unanimously goes to them.
Researching and booking a holiday home is not difficult! It can be sorted within a couple of hours and you get the advantage of having more say re place, location, dates.

Nydj · 05/04/2015 21:28

OP, in the absence of any health problems requiring, or at least making it highly desirable to have an en-suite by anyone else, I say you should get to pick the room you want as you did the organising. As others have said, perhaps it will motivate others to do some organising themselves in the future.

Janethegirl · 05/04/2015 22:24

adish I'd looked at 2 of the links you've posted but neither had wifi and for me that's more important than the number of bathrooms.

I think it just depends on your requirements and to get everything you really want is quite difficult. I know I've had real problems finding self catering accommodation in the past which meets my needs (particularly if I've got any disabled friends or relations with me).

WalkingThePlank · 05/04/2015 22:51

I'm not sure that Adish's links would be suitable. We don't know whereabouts OP is planning to go (Scotland is a big place) and most of those houses involve at least one couple having to use single beds. How is that going to be negotiated? I'd imagine finding a house with 3 double rooms would be really tricky which is why OP has decided on the one she has.

PurpleSwift · 05/04/2015 22:51

YANBU. If I were your sibling I'd be offering it to you anyway

CaspianSea · 06/04/2015 00:52

Yes they may well offer OP the ensuite. But since everyone pays the same this should be a group decision (not OP bagging it just because she researched the cottage and therefore feels she 'deserves' best room as a reward). I recommend giving others a few cottage options to choose from, at different prices, preferably choosing places that have 2 shared bathrooms (or 3 ensuites) to make it fair. Saying 'we'll take the ensuite, you lot can all share the one other bathroom' will come across as selfish, greedy and bossy. It will sound like you chose the cottage to suit your needs but don't care about comfort of rest of family. If they offer it to you it's different but they haven't offered it yet.

Original poster
Charlie97 · 06/04/2015 08:05

Caspian I do not agree in anyway that I am looking greedy, selfish, controlling or bossy! That's way over the top, anyhow it's sorted now, over Easter lunch.

To the PP that posted the links, the majority had single beds, more of an issue than sharing a bathroom! The others were not suitable due to location, I'm sorry but it is not that easy finding the perfect place and that's why this particular cottage was most suitable.

Flights booked, accommodation agreed on, we get the ensuite, so only the car hire to deal with.

OP posts:
DragonMamma · 06/04/2015 08:10

Yanbu

In our family it's called the Finder's Fee - we go away together every year and the person who has booked and organised it gets first dibs on their room. We've all booked over the years so know how time consuming it is sourcing the property, liaising with everybody, paying deposits and getting money from people so it's only fair that the organiser gets first dibs.

antumbra · 06/04/2015 08:12

I would book seperate cottages. Even with family we like privacy.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 06/04/2015 08:16

Book separate counties cottages
Always
Always
Always
Some people never learn.

FinallyHere · 06/04/2015 08:20

No medical issues, but I just wouldn't enjoy a holiday if i didn't have the luxury of a room with an ensuite. If anyone else in your group feels like I do, then YABU.

Probably why I much prefer group holidays where we can each make our own arrangements.

revealall · 06/04/2015 08:26

Complete over reaction from some on here.

Yes take the en suite but expect that others will be using it too. With 3 bathrooms the expectation will already be that they share.

whatatit · 06/04/2015 08:50

I'm with Mrs pratchett, i don't get the ensuite. I don't want a loo next to where i sleep, my dh has got a stinky arse

bananayellow · 06/04/2015 09:04

Yabu

You are going away together. Drawing lots is fairer.

redskirt · 06/04/2015 09:12

I think theoretican's suggestion was perfect :)

Janethegirl · 06/04/2015 09:12

Glad you've got it sorted OP. Have a great visit to Scotland.

WeAllHaveWings · 06/04/2015 09:15

When we go away as a family we try not to get the en-suite as with several adults and children everyone shares all the facilities, so this means you have others traipsing through (and s*ing next to) your bedroom (obviously not when you are in bed!).

We generally give it to the couple who are the earliest risers.

CadleCrap · 06/04/2015 09:18

When did sourcing flights and accommodation become the thing? What happened to just organising it? So for that YABU.

For me I couldnt care less about the bathroom but I would care about the size of bed. DH is a big bloke and we do not sleep well in double bed.

ScotsWhaHae · 06/04/2015 09:18

I'm Grin at the poster with the links.

Scotland's quite big. It would take hours to drive between some of the locations you have posted.

AngelDreams · 06/04/2015 09:22

those who do the work, get the first choice of room!

you are inviting them to come with you, (makes no difference if you are not paying for them)

glad you got it sorted