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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday en suite

109 replies

Charlie97 · 05/04/2015 13:26

Ok, I come from a fairly large family, three siblings (myself included) have all said for years we would like to all go to Scotland together to visit relatives. This was including our spouses, talked about it for ages, no one ever organised it.

I always seem to organise everything but was trying to take a back seat on this one.

Anyhow, OH and I were discussing next years holidays, decided ..... Right we are going to Scotland, on xxxx date and seeing the relatives (they are not getting any younger), so I said I would give DS x 2 the choice if they wish to join us.

So text, hi, we have decided that we are going to go to Scotland, you are more than welcome to join us, we intend to stay XYZ, happy to look for a bigger cottage if you do wish to come.

Both sets want to come, that's lovely.

So I found a cottage that fits the vast majority of spec we want, I've sourced flights and car hire.

The cottage has two bathrooms, one is en suite, I feel that this is our holiday and they were invited to join us, so therefore we get first dibs at the en-suite?

One DS thinks we should draw lots, but I just feel I've done all the leg work and actually made the decision and this should maybe be a bit of a fair enough Charlie, if it wasn't for you we wouldn't be going again next year.

AIBU and horribly entitled?

I accept we will all be paying the same.

OP posts:
CadMaryzCremeEggzAreASwizz · 05/04/2015 14:11

But will it become an argument? it invariably does [sigh]

Of course you deserve it, but will they give in gracefully and if not is it worth it, that's what I meant.

BackforGood · 05/04/2015 14:13

You get first dibs as you've done the leg work (unless there is a medical need which might take precedence)

Can't believe they are being awkward about it - it's not for long term living, is it? Confused

OnlyLovers · 05/04/2015 14:15

YANBU. You organised the holiday.

ADishBestEatenCold · 05/04/2015 14:19

Well if that cottage is the one, how do you feel about paying 40% for the en suite room, as suggested by Janethegirl, while your siblings each pay 30% for their rooms.

The thing is, you will no doubt get there and discover that (as is so often the case) the en-suite room is larger and just that little bit better appointed than the other two rooms.

That might mean that, what is "just a discussion" just now, becomes a bit more of an issue, once you actually get there and see the rooms.

I'm not suggesting that, at that very late stage, your sisters would then try to argue you out of the better room, but even if it left a little unspoken discord upon your holiday, that would be too much discord for a totally great time.

Better to settle it now by either drawing lots, or by saying upfront now that you will be paying 10% more than either of your sisters, as you are having the en suite room.

StayingSamVimesGirl · 05/04/2015 14:24

They could have got off their derrières and organised it all. They didn't, and you have, so you deserve the en suite room, imo, Charlie!

CaTsMaMmA · 05/04/2015 14:26

just tell 'em....put it out there right now

it's a three bed place, (i assume no one is on the put-u-up in the sitting room) and you have organised all the things so you get first dibs

if one of the other couples is a frightful set of bathroom hoggers you could offer up the ensuite to share with anyone crossing their legs, but I'd certainly have no qualms about dibbsing the room with the ensuite in your situation.

Original poster
Charlie97 · 05/04/2015 14:27

I will think about paying extra,not sure how if I feel it's justified.

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 05/04/2015 14:43

I do understand that you feel that you are probably entitled to the en suite room, given that you organised everything and did all the leg work (although maybe you enjoyed organising it Wink I know I enjoy that kind of organisation).

I would agree that, under those circumstances, you were entitled to the better room IF you had made that completely clear to your siblings before you did said organising. As clear as 'I am happy to do all the organising, but in return I expect to have the best room , for an equal third of the total price. Do you agree dear siblings?'

If you didn't make it clear beforehand, then I still think you should probably pay 10% more for the better room or, if you don't want to do that, then draw lots for the room.

I'd rather have a great holiday, with my family and with no discord, that have the only en suite! Smile

Where are you going, Op? (I'm even enjoy imagining your lovely holiday cottage, on your behalf!)

itosh · 05/04/2015 14:46

If you organised it you choose the room…. however if splitting cost you should pay slightlyyyyyyy more

jelliebelly · 05/04/2015 15:12

YANBU but if its going to cause ill feeling then draw lots when you get there.

CaspianSea · 05/04/2015 15:29

I don't think you should claim the en-suite, it looks selfish and disrespectful. You're all paying the same, and as organisers the done thing is to offer the en-suite to someone else (eg the oldest couple) not grab it for yourself! If you desperately want it, I suggest you pay significantly more and charge everyone else less. You've basically forced everyone else to share one bathroom between them if they want to come on the trip. IMO you should have discussed arrangements like bathrooms with rest of group before booking. Someone else may have an important reason why they need easy access to a bathroom (eg weak bladder, limited mobility, IBS etc). There are plenty of holiday cottages where all rooms are en-suite, if having en-suite was so important to you why didn't you give others the same option? Yes it's cheaper to have one en-suite but is it fair everyone else pays towards the organiser having this luxury? I would be really put out if my friends/family did this and would think the organiser selfish and rude.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 05/04/2015 15:29

Yanbu. You organised it therefore take the en suite. If it were me, I'd still expect to share.

Original poster
Charlie97 · 05/04/2015 15:37

Caspian, the cottage is not yet booked it's the suggested option. There is NO medical requirement nor massive age difference. I have not FORCED anyone to come.....we were going you can come if you want is NOT forcing.

Please explain why you think i am forcing?

OP posts:
cashewnutty · 05/04/2015 15:37

I have a lovely holiday house in Scotland which sleeps 10. Two en suites and one family bathroom with a shower. Big kitchen and dining room! I am just in the middle of setting it up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2015 16:52

Do people really care that much about en suites? I couldn't give a shite about them. Frankly I think it's a bit weird to have a toilet off a bedroom. Why not just ask and if you are the people who care most, you take it?

MiddleAgedandConfused · 05/04/2015 17:07

YANBU
If they buy you wine and flowers to thank you for the time you have spent organising the holiday and for inviting them, then may be you should discuss who gets the en suite. If they are not going to bother thanking you and take it for granted that you do all the work, assume the en suite is yours as a thank you instead.

I would never expect somebody to do all the work and then for me to turn up and grab the best room. You do the leg work, you get first dibs. I have benefited many times from a super organised friend arranging holidays; she has always taken the best room and nobody has ever complained because we are just grateful she has put the effort in.

Hissy · 05/04/2015 17:18

Perhaps if you set a precedent that she who gets off her arse and actually does something gets to choose the room, then maybe, just maybe your dsis x2 will actually step up and stop waiting for you to do it all.

YANBU - state that you arranged it all, you'll get first dibs, and next time they can arrange and choose their rooms...

Shodan · 05/04/2015 17:30

I second MiddleAged and Hissy (can one second two different people, I wonder?? Grin)

The suggestion of paying the extra would get a big fat 'Pffffffffft' from me.

You are no more 'forcing' anyone to share a bathroom than you are 'forcing' them to come on holiday with you.

CaspianSea · 05/04/2015 18:08

'Please explain why you think i am forcing?'

You are forcing everyone else to share one bathroom because you plan to grab the en-suite for yourselves. You chose a house with only one bathroom (for others to share because you plan to take the ensuite) so you won't be affected by lack of bathrooms but they will. I didn't say you were forcing them to come. But it's a group holiday, not 'your' holiday. Everyone is paying same so why should you assume the ensuite is yours just because you organised the trip? Organising is a nice gesture but you shouldn't expect perks or a reward! Also it seems the idea behind this holiday was not solely yours, but a trip other people wanted too. Group holidays are about sharing and compromising, not grabbing best room for yourself.

I've organised lots of holidays for extended family and big groups of friends. I like doing the research and booking, though sometimes others take a turn. Regardless of who does the organising, we all share jobs, cooking and other responsibilities once there. It's not 'my' trip just because I did the initiating/planning part. I also make sure I give the group a few accommodation options to choose from rather than choose the house for them. If there was only one ensuite DH and I would never grab it for ourselves, nor would anyone else who organised. Ppl will think you only took on the role of organiser in order to bag the best room (at a cheap price unless you pay more!)

If we're a group of 6 or more we always get a place with at least 2 bathrooms (if shared between all) or preferably all en-suites or a mixture. My friends and family are polite and considerate. The organiser grabbing the only en-suite is very bad manners and people will look down on you for it. I suggest you either offer it to the oldest couple (out of respect), or the couple who have furthest to travel, or draw straws as your DP suggested to make it fair, or discuss with others and offer to pay extra if you want it.

Janethegirl · 05/04/2015 18:35

Caspian I can't understand your point of view. It is not easy to get accommodation for 6 people with 3 ensuites or three bathrooms unless you go for somewhere that can sleep 8-10 people and you pay a lot more for that than a 3 bed property. So unless you have plenty of money it's not an option for most people.
Why shouldn't the OP get the best room given she's put the work in. Another time a sibling may take the responsibility and then she gets the best room.

caroldecker · 05/04/2015 18:41

Personally I would be happy to give up the en-suite to the organiser - makes my life easier that they did the leg-work.

Theoretician · 05/04/2015 18:49

I don't think being the organiser entitles you to first choice. It's not that hard to find a place and book it. You do get the benefit of choosing (or at least proposing) the place you would prefer. (Others might prefer a cheaper or more expensive place.)

Split the basic cost three ways, but then invite offers from everyone as to how much extra they will pay to have the en-suite. The proceeds of the winning bid are split between the two who lose out in the auction.

StayingSamVimesGirl · 05/04/2015 18:50

Surely, by your argument, Caspian, whoever has the en suite is 'forcing' the others to share a bathroom? Perhaps no-one should use that bathroom or the bedroom attached? Hmm

Presumably the OP tried to find a perfect house, with three bathrooms, in the right area and within budget, but couldn't, and this house was the best compromise available.

And having done all the work of finding the cottage, booking it and all the travel, it would not be unreasonable of her to have the en suite?

cashewnutty · 05/04/2015 19:04

My DD put all the work into finding her student flat. When it came to dividing up the room she took the biggest one. She didn't even suggest drawing lots. She went to a lot of effort to get the flat and deserved the best room. No one complained. That's how it works?

FishWithABicycle · 05/04/2015 19:10

No bagging the en suite AND then insisting everyone pays the same. That is very much not fair. If everyone is paying the same then you have to draw lots for which room. If which room you get is negotiable, then whoever gets the nicest rooms pays a little more for them.