To not be saving for a mortgage even though I have children?

[Lottie10000]

Just had a heated conversation with my very wealthy brother and need a little outside perspective.
I'm in my early 30s an pre kids had a pretty decent job but as I left home at 18 and have always been paying rent and bills on top of moving costs ever few years due to rent increases and landlords selling etc I've never saved.
When I met my husband he was in the same position, so we moved in together and after looking into a mortgage we were told that we would need at least £40,000 deposit.
Decided that as that would take 3 years to save up and neither of us were getting any younger we should rent and start to have children.
We now have 2 children under 5 and I have been a stay at home mum ever since so really just getting by on 1 wage with rent of always about £1000 for a 2 bed house.
We have been quite unlucky as have had to move 3 times in the last 5 years but landlords sold / moved back home or increased the rent to an extent we couldn't afford it.
It's so unstable and of course in an ideal world we should have bought pre kids but we didn't.
Does this mean their lives are unstable and a home is never actually a home like my brother has said?
This conversation stems from me now getting an evening job where I will earn £600 a month.
He says I could save that for 10 years have a £70,000 deposit and then the bank will times our wages of £40,000 a year by 3 so we may get a 2 bed flat for around the £20,000 mark.
Now we could do this, or the kids could have nice things, go to their football swimming and ballet classes, have nice birthday parties and maybe a holiday each year nowhere fancy and probably in the uk but somehere away.
We have an old banger for a car and this won't change as neither of us care!
To us, £600, well about £470 after petrol costs of me getting there isn't enough to start saving it's enough to make our struggling lives a little easier.
Are we wrong for thinking like this as maybe he is right, this landlord could sell come January and then we are faced with having to move again ( we always usually have £2500 for deposit rent and a van just in case which is always hard to save so that will be the first on the list out of my wages as this time we haven't saved it as husband hasn't earned enough hence me looking for a job for the last 6 months ) and then if we can't find something we would be homeless.
The thought of that is awful, but so is the thoight of the kids having nothing for 10 years.
What do you all think?
Really grateful!

Why can you only work school hours? Or do you mean you don't want to pay childcare.

Purchasing once they finish secondary is a little late for them, they could leave two years later.

If you have debts from such a long time ago then deciding to quit work rather than maximise income to clear them was not the wisest decision. If my sibling did that I'd not be helping them with a mortgage either as far too high risk.

Lots of people work full-time while their kids are in school. Childcare costs for schoolage kids aren't too bad, you'd still make enough for it to be worthwhile. Or if there's a lack of childcare where you are, maybe you could set up as a childminder and kill several birds with one stone. That mightn't be your calling, I dunno, but it'd be more daunting to me to look ahead to 10 years of no 'proper' jobs and all the insecurities you list, than the prospect of saving for 10 years for a deposit (surely your credit rating will be sorted before then?!). These are the things people do to save up and pay for mortgages. It's not easy but it's not rocket science. It sounds like you're resigned though.

The debts are as a result of leaving work following having the children, I was made redundant whilst on maternity leave so after using it all to pay back the bank loan there were a few others I had to pay monthly.
It's not about not wanting to pay for childcare but we earn enough on my husbands wage to not qualify for any help towards that so at the moment at least it would not be worth my while to work full time instead of evenings where my husband looks after the children and we don't have the outgoing of childcare!

I'm torn I suppose between a good childhood ( I'm my eyes ) where a mum is at home, doing school drops offs, attending every assembley, clubs and a little holiday once a year like I had as a child or the dream of a stable house but knowing that will be at a time we don't really need it as they will be teenagers and could well be leaving the best shortly agter :-(

I meant childcare for when your DC are at school - just afterschool clubs etc. That doesn't cost much, certainly doesn't cancel out a full-time wage or need you to qualify for help to pay it in your situation. But I get that you want to be a SAHM. In that case you're right, owning your own house is a dream. Can't not work and still afford the mortgage unless you're v v lucky!

Re. the debts, I haven't read back over the thread but thought the bad credit came before the kids, hence why you couldn't get a flat. Bank loan suggests debts were pre-kids too. All sounds a bit of a mire. Hope you can sort it out and make enough to save something.

He should wind his neck in. I'm outraged on your behalf that he had such a boost (deposit) and you didn't and he's lecturing you.
Owning doesn't mean not moving btw. We've always been one room too small- 1 bed for 3, 2 for 4 then 3 then 4 for 5+ dog! Have they had to change schools each time you move? If not he should doubly wind his neck in!
It's funny the things parents get criticised for- quite rightly few dare to suggest divorcing is damaging for children but at the grief we've got for living in flats/ London/ overseas.

And another thing I'm getting in my stride now!
How old are your dcs? I bring in an ok wage part time now the children are at secondary school- once you don't have to deliver and collect every day you really can work and go to assemblies/ be around in the holidays.

'maybe you could set up as a childminder and kill several birds with one' stone.

Not usually possible in rented accommodation.

I'd save, OP, but to have a cushion. To me, making the children's childhood one of pleasant memories is most important. Lessons are not just a 'treat', IMO, but often vital skills that lead to a more well-rounded education.

I would focus on saving for having a cushion and forget about a deposit.

Private renting isnt ideal and at the moment you have no choice like many people.
There is no point thinking about what you and your husband should have done pre kids You can only make the best of what you have now.

As you are in non secure tenancies you should at least qualify for the homeless housing list,not top priority but atleast you'd be on it.(Scotland)

I have seen my local council build houses and Let them only to people of a certain income brackets for example 28k pa and with small deposit for entry.
Could be worth looking for that On your local authority website?

Dont let what your db say bother, he has had different life opportunities and fortunes than you have and is seeing it all black and white imo

My grandad is the same when it comes to telling me and DH we should save, get a mortgage and buy somewhere. Every bloody time we see him. He and the rest of the family are pretty well off and all own at least one property if not more. I on the other hand left home at 16, got myself into quite a bit of debt just trying to survive on minimum wage as a student and am still desperately trying to dig myself out of that hole meaning savings are few and far between. DH is in a very similar position.

We are expecting our first child imminently and are currently renting a 3 bed house from my DM for a fraction of what we would pay normally, enough to cover her mortgage payments, on the provision that all maintenance is down to us. We have been incredibly lucky to have struck such a deal that we are renting cheaply, a big house in a nice neighbourhood, that we can do what we like with and as I am the only child to inherit the home should the worst happen we have a legal agreement that should she need to sell at any point we would receive enough from the sale of the house to use as a desposit for a similar home.

We have had an incredibly lucky break and are very happy with our current situation however the rest of the family can't see that and feel we would be much happier getting ourselves into more debt and buying somewhere of our own.

My advice is to do whatever you can to have a secure life for your family without making your financial situation worse. If that means renting, so be it. If you have the means to buy and would feel more secure, do it. Ignore your DB , I'm sure he means well but it can come across as very patronising, especially as his circumstances have been very different to your own money wise.

*sorry for the epic chapter than. essentially, do what's best for you!

As long as you aren't trying to pay off any massive debts atm, it can't hurt just to start up an ISA in case you change your mind or just for a rainy day. Some people do just regard renting as paying somebody else's mortgage and don't appreciate how hard it is to get onto the property market in the first place.

They can simply get a government first time buyer scheme -blog.huuti.co.uk/21-first-time-home-buyer-schemes/

My parents rent, they lost their home for reasons i wont go into and its constantly on them that it might get sold. I love owning my house - well i own about half currently the bank owns the other, it really needs decorating etc but its mine in 15 years I'll never have the worry again.