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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've cancelled Easter.

91 replies

JunkIt · 05/04/2015 10:26

(We are not religious so it's just a day of chocolate)

I am sick to death of my kids not listening to me. They are between 4 and 11 and I just don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes it seems like the only way is to start smacking them but I won't, I don't believe in it, but I feel so frustrated.

This morning they woke at 6am, trashed their rooms and spend an hr and a half screaming and fighting. Coming in say "X did this to me!! Y is doing this!"

Followed by shouting and tantrums. I told them to tidy their rooms and stop fighting. They didn't.

I lost it and told them Easter was cancelled.

I messaged my family and told them they are still welcome to nip round as planned but eggs will go straight upstairs and we aren't doing easter.

They said I was mean. But what else can I do to stop this behaviour?! Believe me the way they behave is way worse than it sounds. I'm worried the neighbours will complain :(

OP posts:
BlueBananas · 05/04/2015 10:29

You need clear consistent rules & boundaries every day, instead of doing one off cancelling of things when you reach the end of your tether

januaryblues11 · 05/04/2015 10:30

I think you are doing the right thing. It might be a learning curve for them. Plus they'll remember it. I feel your pain somewhat. My ds is 4 and doesn't listen to a word I say. Anything's worth a try right?

straighttothepoint · 05/04/2015 10:30

Follow through with this threat, make sure dh supports you, be consistent and lay the law down .... Sounds so easy but it's not. Good luck!

YouTheCat · 05/04/2015 10:30

I don't see what's wrong with taking the Easter eggs away.

Make them earn them back with better behaviour.

Original poster
JunkIt · 05/04/2015 10:33

I told them if they behave tomorrow morning and keep their room tidy they can have an egg then.

I do have boundaries, I'm constantly battling with them, but what can I do when threats and words do nothing?!

OP posts:
januaryblues11 · 05/04/2015 10:36

You can do exactly what you have done today! follow it through... then they will know that you have a breaking point.

antumbra · 05/04/2015 10:36

It's mean.

thenextday · 05/04/2015 10:38

No its not mean. Might make them realise you mean business.
Trashing rooms? Disgraceful.
Stick to your guns OP.

BlueBananas · 05/04/2015 10:39

Threats & words won't do anything if that's all they are; threats and empty words, you need to follow through with the consequences

antumbra · 05/04/2015 10:40

Not sure what the connection is between Easter and trashing rooms.

Do you think cancelling Easter will improve their behaviour? I doubt it.

CupidStuntSurvivor · 05/04/2015 10:41

It's not mean to withhold chocolate from a child for bad behaviour. What nonsense.

LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 05/04/2015 10:41

Great idea! And I would go one step further and every time they disobey you throw an egg in the bin. Bet they only do it once.

and retrieve egg when they are not looking and eat it yourself

ChipDip · 05/04/2015 10:41

YADNBU, I'm sure they will learn now that you mean business and they will survive without Easter. Trashing rooms is awful behaviour and there needs to be strong consequences for that. Stick to your guns.

ssd · 05/04/2015 10:42

how many have you got, you said between the ages of 4 and 11?

surely you know having more than 2 kids is asking for trouble, you might as well barricade your bedroom door and call the UN in

HoggleHoggle · 05/04/2015 10:43

Agree with what you're doing. You can't trash rooms and then spend all day scoffing chocolate!

Hope this improves things for you a bit.

tametempo · 05/04/2015 10:45

Well, they have the opportunity to earn them back so I think YANBU. It could be the sharp shock they need.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/04/2015 10:45
Flowers

we can all sympathise here with bad days with kids.

I hope the day gets better for you

Griphook · 05/04/2015 10:45

No not mean stick to it, my dcs have mess around all morning, they were going to gave an egg after breakfast but now they're not and if they eat their lunch like breakfast they won't get any

SomewhereIBelong · 05/04/2015 10:46

nope, what they will learn is that if you behave sweetly for an hour/two/a day, you will get the chocolate.

Not that you should not do all that shit in the first place.

Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:47

Are they hurting one another, even unintentionally, when fighting?

splodgeses · 05/04/2015 10:48

When they trash their rooms, take a toy/possession away. Make sure they know you are taking it and make sure it is one they will miss.

Tell them they can earn it back when the room is tidied. If it doesn't happen that day, you take another toy tomorrow. I know it is a long game, but it whittles down on crap, and teaches them they only get to keep things that are respected.

As for other behaviour problems, try positive rewards rather than threats. Rather than threaten toy removal (this is the only stick method I use) ignore bad behaviour, and suggest that if they do x,y,z (desired behaviour) then they can stay up an extra half hour after bedtime, have a magazine etc.

Always be consistent and don't just give in for an easier life. It is a short term remedy only and makes things harder in the long run.

Good luck Smile

Maliceaforethought · 05/04/2015 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hestialou · 05/04/2015 10:50

Defo not unreasonable, and if they don't behave then eat them yourself with a nice glass of wine.

Bowlersarm · 05/04/2015 10:51

It's not mean. It's a mum at the end of her tether. Mind you, if you let them have an Easter egg tomorrow isn't that just delaying easter, rather than cancelling it?

Maybe they could have the chance to 'earn' back an Easter egg.

ragged · 05/04/2015 10:51

What Giles said. Flowers
Give them a chance for a fresh start this afternoon & tomorrow (every day).