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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've cancelled Easter.

91 replies

JunkIt · 05/04/2015 10:26

(We are not religious so it's just a day of chocolate)

I am sick to death of my kids not listening to me. They are between 4 and 11 and I just don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes it seems like the only way is to start smacking them but I won't, I don't believe in it, but I feel so frustrated.

This morning they woke at 6am, trashed their rooms and spend an hr and a half screaming and fighting. Coming in say "X did this to me!! Y is doing this!"

Followed by shouting and tantrums. I told them to tidy their rooms and stop fighting. They didn't.

I lost it and told them Easter was cancelled.

I messaged my family and told them they are still welcome to nip round as planned but eggs will go straight upstairs and we aren't doing easter.

They said I was mean. But what else can I do to stop this behaviour?! Believe me the way they behave is way worse than it sounds. I'm worried the neighbours will complain :(

OP posts:

Hakluyt · 05/04/2015 14:57

"hakluyt, you are welcome to come and watch the effects of sugar on my DS if you wish".
Sorry- it's been shown over and over again that there's no correlation. Your child might be the exception that proves the rule though!

chickenfuckingpox · 05/04/2015 15:06

its not mean at all your back is to the wall do it!

i made my kids wait til after lunch due to rowdy behavior they were only allowed half an egg each

ive banned minecraft too im so sick of my 6 year battering his 2 year old brother (who has a fair right arm on himself to be fair and can give as good as he gets mostly) the mess the IM NOT TIDYING IT GET HER TO DO IT (her being his big sister she is 14 and doesn't play with cars) he/she/they did this/that the flaming other screeching till my ears feel like they are bleeding so i banned minecraft till he can act reasonable we may be here sometime but he will learn!

WonderingWillow · 05/04/2015 15:08

It's not mean. Seriously, they have been naughty and don't deserve to be (albeit inadvertently) rewarded with chocolate!

OP, stay strong. They can earn back eggs with good behaviour. If not; they go in the bin. If they have been given a lot; they could donate some to a children's home so they can have a think about their lives and how lucky they are to have a lovely mummy who works hard to provide a loving home for them; lots of children don't. This isn't a punishment; more to understand how fortunate they are, and maybe they should be being a bit more grateful.

Good luck OP.

dingalong · 05/04/2015 15:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 05/04/2015 15:18

It's not mean at all I'm glad to see someone actually following through. Let them sulk and whinge all they like. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your day

jelliebelly · 05/04/2015 15:29

YANBU but if this is a regular occurrence you need to set some firm boundaries and follow through with consequences.

Mine get up at 6 fairly regularly ds(9) plays quietly in his room, reads, plays on ds etc dd(6) on the other hand will often "trash" her room whilst playing noisily if left to her own devices - the price we pay if we choose to stay on bed!!

MisForMumNotMaid · 05/04/2015 15:36

Sometimes it just all gets a bit much and i've doled out punishments that then need to be stuck by. Sometimes thats an effort too.

I don't think it sounds like a bad punishment. My three are 4, 9 and 11 and If they were bad all of them are old enough to wait for eggs.

Another one that works quite well for mine with stuff not tidied away, when they've been repeatedly asked, is I get a great big box and selectively remove favorite things lying around on the floor etc from their rooms whilst throwing bedlinnen etc back onto beds. They don't notice straight away. Then when they notice they get the opportunity to earn back their abandoned toys. Simple achievable things like bedtime is in five minutes. Everyone who goes up to their rooms, puts clothes in dirty laundry/ away as necessary, brushes teeth and gets into PJ's without a big fuss can choose one thing back. It can involve the odd loud 'uh hmm' noise to remind them of the deal but motivates. Next one might be not coming out of rooms after lights out can choose in the morning or I'll deliver to room after half an hour.

I have early risers. We have rules. Youngest has tv on and a bottle drink in her room (made night before kept on landing). She's allowed to play quietly in her room after 6am.

Elder two are allowed cereals or waffles/ pain o chocolat type stuff at the table - involves mess as eldest is Autistic and dyspraxic so spills but sometimes buys me 30 minutes in bed and thats sanity time when I'm up most nights with either eldest or youngest (also on the spectrum).

We don't have the benefit of a good nights sleep or hindsight quite often when we dictate to our DC so we can only move forwards and be consistent with any instructions we've made.

Don't eat all the eggs though, they will notice!

Gottagetmoving · 05/04/2015 15:48

Instead of cancelling Easter you should have given some thought as to WHY your children are so badly behaved and what you have contributed to this behaviour.
Children need to know the boundaries and possible consequences before you impose a punishment or ban on anything.
It's not just luck that some kids behave and others don't.

cailindana · 05/04/2015 15:55

I agree entirely moving. A boss who comes in ranting and raving doling out punishments is a bad boss. OP you are the boss of the household. You are responsible.
Someone mentioned practical advice so here's mine:
If they're up every day at 6 you have to either accept that and get up with them or change it somehow.
If you're going to give a punishment it needs to be warned about in advance and reasonable. Denying them access to presents from other people without warning is extreme and unfair.
Put in a system of expectations. They should know trashing the room is unacceptable and should either not bd doing it or at least offering to tidy up. The fact that they did do it indicates things are out of control.

LynetteScavo · 05/04/2015 15:57

Kids get up at 6am...it's what they do.

Then they trash their rooms and fight...it's what they do if you don't give them anything constructive.

Maybe you should become religious OP, and take them to church on Easter Sunday to keep them occupied. Find a church with a decent Sunday school so someone else looks after them for an hour while you have a break.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2015 16:04

Do they share rooms? Because if they don't and they choose to be untidy, I'd let them. I had a mother who was constantly on me to clean and tidy my room. It didn't make me a tidy person but it did make me incredibly resentful.

Natural consequences are massively better than high drama ones. Their rooms are untidy? Well, good luck finding things then. Cancelling Easter is just random and unrelated. Now, saying, "your rooms are untidy. When things are clean and you are quiet we can have some eggs" has the same effect but less punitive and dramatic.

Could you not sit down and discuss expectations, resolve what their needs are and yours are, work out the hills you want to die on and come up with consequences together?

Spotifymuse · 05/04/2015 16:12

If your kids are badly behaved and wake at 6 then you need to be up at 6 to make sure they DON'T behave badly. Get up, get them breakfast and then settle in the living room with a DVD for an hour or so.
Sounds as if you really need to get back to basics with structure and routine. You have to follow through today with no chocolate but rather than focus on punishing bad behaviour, you need to look at ways of preventing that behaviour. And that starts with supervising your kids until they learn the rules.

42andGaffaTape · 05/04/2015 16:53

I get the feeling op you hit the end of your tether wih poor behaviour. You have come on here to justify your actions and punishment as I'm guessing you're un sure if you were to rash. What's done is done now stick to your guns...but...give the children openings to earn back their easter gifts.

The next step is clear boundaries and clear consequences. With older children you should be able to sit down and have a chat, listen to them and give them input into what should be expected of them and what they feel a suitable consequence would be.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 05/04/2015 19:13

You are not alone. We have a clear reward/discipline plan in our house. This holiday the older dc have been winding each other and their younger siblings up something terrible. Usual sanctions were literally laughed at. I confiscated all Easter eggs until behaviour has much improved and they soon stopped laughing.

Metalguru · 05/04/2015 22:01

Yanbu

babyboomersrock · 05/04/2015 23:00

they could donate some to a children's home so they can have a think about their lives and how lucky they are to have a lovely mummy who works hard to provide a loving home for them; lots of children don't

What? This sounds like a Guide for the Good Christian Child circa 1870.

How do you know they have a lovely mummy who works hard? (sorry OP, I'm sure you are/do).

One of the children is barely past toddlerhood. You'd give his eggs to a children's home so he could dwell on his wrongdoings? Not to mention the children in the "children's home" who might not fancy leftovers confiscated from a "lucky" child. Ugh.

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