Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've cancelled Easter.

91 replies

JunkIt · 05/04/2015 10:26

(We are not religious so it's just a day of chocolate)

I am sick to death of my kids not listening to me. They are between 4 and 11 and I just don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes it seems like the only way is to start smacking them but I won't, I don't believe in it, but I feel so frustrated.

This morning they woke at 6am, trashed their rooms and spend an hr and a half screaming and fighting. Coming in say "X did this to me!! Y is doing this!"

Followed by shouting and tantrums. I told them to tidy their rooms and stop fighting. They didn't.

I lost it and told them Easter was cancelled.

I messaged my family and told them they are still welcome to nip round as planned but eggs will go straight upstairs and we aren't doing easter.

They said I was mean. But what else can I do to stop this behaviour?! Believe me the way they behave is way worse than it sounds. I'm worried the neighbours will complain :(

OP posts:
SomewhereIBelong · 05/04/2015 10:51

earning back dissociates the problem from the reward.

The message it gives is that if you are good you get stuff - not "you need to change the original behaviour"

LadyGregory · 05/04/2015 10:53

Sympathies, OP. You sound at the end of your tether. Just follow through on your decision now.

antumbra · 05/04/2015 10:54

I don't punish.

YouTheCat · 05/04/2015 11:00

Good for you, antumbra. Have a chocolate. Hmm

Bowlersarm · 05/04/2015 11:03

Why are you making this thread about you antumbra? Are you looking for an award Easter Confused

ChipDip · 05/04/2015 11:05

Here antumbra Biscuit

CupidStuntSurvivor · 05/04/2015 11:06

Slow clap for antumbra anyone? Hmm

LastNightADJSavedMyLife · 05/04/2015 11:10

Anyone else hoping they don't end up in soft play with antumbra's dc? Grin

StayingSamVimesGirl · 05/04/2015 11:29

You have to understand, Antumbra is a near-perfect parent, whose children are utter delights all the time. So she feels perfectly justified in rocking up on threads like this, to make people feel bad about themselves.

I actually think she likes pointing out to people what crap parents they are, and has zero empathy so cannot understand either the need to vent (as the OP is doing here - with utter justification, imo), or the damage she could do with her insensitive criticism.

DarylDixonsDarlin · 05/04/2015 11:37

I agree with the sentiment that its just encouraging them to be good for one day (today) and then they get chocolate tomorrow. However if they are gifts from someone else its a bit tricky, would you withhold the gifts if they were christmas/birthday presents?

If you've said no choc today you have to follow through on it now, but you know that already don't you Junk

Interesting Ant Hmm

I do agree you need to solve the problem longer term, rather than essentially bribing them with chocolate. I'm still working on that myself so I don't have any tips for you yet!

thenextday · 05/04/2015 11:37

I like the idea of eating the chocolate yourself.
Accompanied by "mmm this is delicious" and smacking of lips.

SuperFlyHigh · 05/04/2015 11:37

If only our children were all like antumbras! I think the correct emoticon for antumbra is Easter Biscuit

ChampagneBabyCakes · 05/04/2015 11:41

You're not mean- they trashed their rooms! They get their eggs back when they can behave - whats wrong with that?
All kids are badly behaved sometimes.... And all adults too I'm sure ;-)
You're doing your best to show them whats right and wrong.

EElisavetaOfBelsornia · 05/04/2015 11:46

Not mean, but setting boundaries. Stick with it now you've said it OP. My friend's DH threw some of his DD's egg in the bin last year (retrieved later and eaten) and she never forgot that daddy means what she says.
Once the dust has settled I second a reward system- star charts with age appropriate rewards for a certain number of stars. I use marbles in a jar for my 5 year old, put a marble in for good behaviour, take out for bad. Now I only have to ask 'Do I need to take out a marble?' for it to work.

cailindana · 05/04/2015 12:27

You are the adult and you should have control. If the situation has got to the point where they're trashing rooms and you're cancelling Easter, that's on you. They can't change the situation that's up to you. You need to rethink things, fast. I would start by giving them the eggs, apologising for letting things get so bad and promising to start over tomorrow. They are not the enemy. They are children, living in your house. You set the standards. You are responsible. Take a break for today, get your head straight and start afresh tomorrow.

CaptainSubtext · 05/04/2015 12:35

I think it's fine. If you're not religious and as you say it's just getting some chocolate eggs, then it's not the same as cancelling Christmas for example (which IMHO is too much)

timeforabrewnow · 05/04/2015 12:41

cailindana boy oh boy that is patronising. The OP has probably realised that she is the adult. Maybe offer some helpful suggestions??

Especially as you've said she has to re-think things fast.

Please be more specific...

timeforabrewnow · 05/04/2015 12:42

But really, 'apologising' to the children? WTAF?

antumbra · 05/04/2015 12:45

What's wrong with apologising to children? Even us parents make mistakes.

AuntyBrenda · 05/04/2015 12:45

Yep, no chocolate if they can't behave. I made the stupid mistake of letting them have some chocolate for breakfast, talk about hyper! I almost locked them in the garden.

I threatened no chocolate after lunch if I didn't see an improvement in their behaviour and so far they have been angelic. I will follow through with it if they act up again and they know it.

thenextday · 05/04/2015 12:45

Good grief.
Yes its all OPs fault Confused

timeforabrewnow · 05/04/2015 12:48

Err yes - apologise if you have done something wrong by all means. The kids have trashed their rooms though and they have been told off.

Original poster
JunkIt · 05/04/2015 12:49

Can I point out that by trashed I mean got all their toys out and pulled bedding off. They haven't damaged anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
JunkIt · 05/04/2015 12:50

Why would I apologise to them? They have misbehaved! How bizarre.

OP posts:
RhubarbAndMustard · 05/04/2015 12:50

I would have done the same as you OP. Kids need to know their actions have consequences. Not letting them have chocolate today seems a perfect consequence for that behaviour today.