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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £300 a month is a lot?

133 replies

Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 22:34

DP has moved in. They have offered to contribute £300 a month to house and bills.

That seems a lot to me especially considering they often buy the food shopping/pay for treats.

They are adamant it's not enough!

Who is right me me

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 09:46

Yes, quite a fair contribution and have an income of my own. She LOVES shopping and cooking so thought that was fair as a contribution as the only bill that will increase is council tax and that's not much. And she helps so much in non-monetary ways.

OP posts:
TwoOddSocks · 05/04/2015 09:52

That sounds like very little, If you rented a room in a shared house your share of bills and rent would be much more than that. Surely you should just add up your council tax, bills (water gas, electric, phone, TV licence etc.) and half it then add a reasonable amount for rent (about half of your rent or if you are paying off a mortgage maybe slightly less than half).

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:06

Well yes but I suppose that's what I felt uncomfortable with as if I was renting a room out to her she wouldn't be my partner!

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 05/04/2015 10:20

If you've honestly sat down with her and looked through all the figures properly, worked out how much half is (making sure you include the food bill and rent/mortgage, which it sounds like you haven't) and she still wants to offer more than half, then do what lots of pp have said and put the extra in a separate account and use it for treats/emergencies.Grin

We here in the land of equality don't give a shiny shit what gender you both are. I think it's a shame that you've had to moderate your language because some do.Hmm Hope your experience of MN improves...

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:24

We haven't sat down as such. She said 'I will give you £300 for bills!' and my instinct was that was too much and that I don't really want her to give me money. I'm happy for her to just buy the food which she likes doing and for four of us more than covers her 'share.' :)

OP posts:
binspin · 05/04/2015 10:31

£4-500 a month on bills?? That's it? My rent is almost double that without the other bills. Can I move in? It'll get people to shut up about 'they' as well!

happybubblebrain · 05/04/2015 10:34

It sounds very cheap. If he was paying rent, bills and food elsewhere he would be spending at least £800 a month.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:40

Haha bin why not!

OP posts:
Redwineplease42 · 05/04/2015 10:43

I think I might need to move to your part of the country.I wish my outgoings were that much my rent alones double your outgoings . Do you own your home outright?

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:43

Yes so obviously that makes a big difference. She still pays a mortgage on hers though.

OP posts:
MaryWestmacott · 05/04/2015 10:54

OK, you own your home outright, that makes the difference!

I think the joint account for house hold costs is the best way to go, all bills from that account, you both pay into it - if her wanting to pay £300 a month into it means you build up a bigger reserve in it, she can see she's paying in 'too much' and reduce payments, or if as you said, she likes to shop, then she can do, but buy things from the joint account 'excess' money that is there for household stuff. (But I would put food shopping costs in there too, even if you or her are the ones to physically shop, it's clearly from that account).

If you own the house outright, I can see why you'd feel uncomfortable if she was paying for maintenance of the house if she doesn't/won't own a share of it (effectively helping you increase/maintain the value of your asset), and I can also see if the DCs are yours only (particulary if you recieve maintainance from their other parent) you might not feel comfortable with her paying towards their costs, but bills and food is reasonable. (even more so if you put slightly more than her inthe joint account to cover the additional food/bill costs from your DCs)

Your DP is trying to not be a cocklodger/whatever the female version of a cocklodger is called. You've got a good one - work with it!

MaryWestmacott · 05/04/2015 10:56

oh and will she be keeping her property empty or renting it out? If the latter, then remember that she will be getting rent which she can only do because you are housing her.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:56

I know I have :) trying to be a good one too although I don't think we're going to go down the joint account route just yet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 10:57

She's not sure yet but either way won't make a profit as the rent will only just cover the mortgage. Plus there will be initial costs in getting her property ready.

OP posts:
MsJudgementalPants · 05/04/2015 10:57

I think there's a budgeting tool on the moneysavingexpert website that lists all the likely bills over the course of a year to help you set a monthly budget. I'd use that then set up a joint 'bills' account to pay half each into (or whatever % seems fair based on your incomes) then if there's any money leftover in the account it can be your joint emergency fund.

Your partner sounds lovely.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 11:01

She is :) Thank you.

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 05/04/2015 12:25

Can I just put a vote in for this being the thread with the nicest problem and the nicest op with the nicest DP and the nicest solution?

Wink
Dowser · 05/04/2015 12:33

We each put £250 a month in the bank for bills and £100 cash each into a purse for food, cinema , theatre, cups of tea in cafes, meals etc so the true cost a month is probably about £ 450 each.

Anything left in the bank pays for flights, household items etc

Mrsjayy · 05/04/2015 12:38

If they want to pay something can you compromise and say £200 they obviously want topay their way

Its threads like this that make it clear that acronyms are stupid and a pile of poop

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 12:52

Aw thank you :) she is a Star and I love her and so do the children!

OP posts:
enviousllama · 05/04/2015 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 13:10

Well a few were quite forceful about their confusion that is true!

OP posts:
enviousllama · 05/04/2015 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 05/04/2015 13:37

Yes I did suspect as much. Hopefully it made them feel better Grin

OP posts:
Starlightbright1 · 05/04/2015 14:54

This is one of these threads that go round in circles.

At the end of the day the 2 of you can do what is right for you which is what it sounds like you are going to do so no real idea what this thread is about.

Good luck

Just for info..My response does not alter dependent upon whether you are a same sex couple or not.