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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think £300 a month is a lot?

133 replies

Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 22:34

DP has moved in. They have offered to contribute £300 a month to house and bills.

That seems a lot to me especially considering they often buy the food shopping/pay for treats.

They are adamant it's not enough!

Who is right me me

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 04/04/2015 22:59

how much is rent/mortgage?
how much are bills?
i would be making a profit off my partner if he paid £300 for bills/rent

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 22:59

Probably around £500 which is why £300 seems quite a lot.

OP posts:
MrsFlannel · 04/04/2015 23:03

So who said they didn't think it was enough?

Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 23:05

Why did you try to hide the gender if it doesn't matter?

sanfairyanne · 04/04/2015 23:06

just take 250 then? or put the extra 50 away towards 'treats'?

Starlightbright1 · 04/04/2015 23:07

is this home rented?

Whys don't you put £300 a month in pot together and put money towards the future. holdiays, day trips replacing things that get broken?

Do you mean partner doesn't think it is enough?

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 23:07

DP said that they didn't think it was enough,

Eggy, it doesn't matter to me but since it's a same sex partnership people do get confused and can get aggressive if they think it's a man posting about a woman: as such I generally do the 'they' thing on here. In any case, the sex of the person wasn't the point of the post and I do think in fairness that I clarified matters quite nicely and promptly :)

OP posts:
MrsFlannel · 04/04/2015 23:11

So DP offered 300 and then said it wasn't enough? Confused

Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 23:12

You said gender didn't matter and then you said people do get confused and can get aggressive if they think it's a man posting about a woman so obviously is does matter to you.

However, in your case you could have just said at the start that it's a same sex relationship and referred to your partner as 'she' and no-one would have accused you aggressively of being a man posting about a woman.

Now that it's cleared up...

Smile
Cheeseandwinegirl · 04/04/2015 23:13

Biggest mistake I made when moving in with my OH was not formally talking about how we would split household finances and housework, we were too wrapped up the excitement of living together practical thinking just didn't happen. Big mistake.

This £300 seems like a figure pulled out of thin air. You need to discuss terms. Do you rent or own? What's your joint income? What happens if you get an expected bill? Is he still going to be paying towards food? What's the housework situation? He everything above board with landlord?

Get terms sorted because from your post it seems he's already moved in. Paying for food shopping and treats is great, and he seems like he really wants to contribute. Ensure everything is fair from the outset, and good luck.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 23:13

No, DP said she would give me £300 a month and I said it was too much - she said it wasn't enough if anything.

Eggy yes I know, but some people then think you're making a really big deal out of it. Trust me. You get lots of NOT SURE WHY YOU HAD TO STIPULATE YOU ARE A LESBIAN OP Hmm

OP posts:
JigsawsAreAllLittlePieces · 04/04/2015 23:17

As soon as the op said "they"I knew it was a same sex relationship.

Fwiw both my husband and I pay £250 for all bills monthly so £300 isn't too much!

anothernumberone · 04/04/2015 23:18

Jeez Golden that is frustrating but I must admit I was totally confused by the 'they' Smile.

I still think I would be inclined to look at household bills including food as the basis for the calculation and just be sure the amount handed over is fair. Relying on someone to pay the food bill and contribute to the fun stuff has potential to get unintentionally lost as a relation develops. Just life can get in the way.

Original poster
Goldenyellowhibiscus · 04/04/2015 23:19

:) Thanks. Apologies for the totally unintentional confusion!

I often find things make perfect sense in my head Grin

OP posts:
Babymamamama · 04/04/2015 23:23

How much is your mortgage/rent, council tax and all bills total up to? If it's six hundred or less then that's reasonable for dp to pay half. Ie three hundred. Wish my outgoings were so low!

Feckeggblue · 04/04/2015 23:24

Blimey poor OP! Surely people say DP when they're not married?

Anyway £300 doesn't sound much but as about half your outgoings, and you're happy, why not? :)

babygiraffe86 · 04/04/2015 23:24

Dp and I split everything down the middle for bills then add extra for grocery shopping. E.g all bills come to a total of 880 a month Inc mortgage, we round that to 1k a month - pay 500 each into a joint account. dome :-)

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 04/04/2015 23:27

I think it's fine. If you live in 1987 and your house hold bills, rent and half the groceries comes to £600.

Otherwise half sounds fair.

BackforGood · 04/04/2015 23:29

You need to have a serious think :
What is the total of all your outgoings (do this for the year, then divide by 12, as there are lots of things you might pay annually or maybe for part of the year (like water rates)
What about things like cars - are you sharing that?
I would include food as a major part of household costs
If you have dc, and your partner doesn't, how does this affect the household expenditure? (Childcare, living expenses, holidays, as well as food) - and what comes in from their other parent too
Does having a partner move in affect any benefits (council tax reduction / tax credits / etc)?
Do you anticipate them having a claim on your house, if they are paying towards it, or is it much more of a temporary, 'lodger' type arrangement?
How well off are you / your partner financially - is any of this new arrangement going to leave one of you really struggling?

I don't want to know the answer to any of these myself, but it's all the sorts of questions you need to think about before you work out what sort of amount is "fair" - there isn't a set figure anyone can give you.

Redwineplease42 · 04/04/2015 23:50

I just want to know how you have 500 outgoings with 2 kids?!!
My outgoings are 1250 before food shopping or daughters clubs ! Do you not pay rent?!

JustWantToBeDorisAgain · 05/04/2015 00:09

I think you are grossly underestimating household bills,

Mortgage / rent, water, tv, broadband, electric, gas, council tax, home insurance.....

NerrSnerr · 05/04/2015 00:13

I think you need to split everything 50-50. £300 is hardly anything, especially thinking about gas, water, electricity, council tax, insurance etc.

Redwineplease42 · 05/04/2015 00:16

Yes also bare in mind you won't get as much (if any) tax credits/housing benefit/child tax credits and your council tax bill will rise on two adults.

Welshmaenad · 05/04/2015 00:17

£300 plus all food would be to much here, my mortgage is only £200 a month. So if you think it's fair then that's cool. Like PPP said, maybe stash it away in a savings pot for a holiday etc.

Jackieharris · 05/04/2015 00:38

Have you not lost tax credits now your DP has moved in?