To think the term SAHM does not cut it

[anothernumberone]

My mother would describe herself as a housewife. She gave up a teaching job to stay at home with her family while my father brought home the income. She did the vast majority of the child rearing and also the vast majority of household chores laundry, (a lot we were a big family) cooking, cleaning. Every week however she had a 'list' of things my father had to do for the weekend which kept him busy but these almost exclusively included maintenance and decorating the house. When we left home and the SAHM aspect of the role ended she continued the role as the housewife. When my father retired he took over a lot of the internal domestic chores like hoovering, washing floors, windows (things that rarely happen in my home) and she did her share. I would say 50/50. So she could probably now be described as a retired housewife if you asked her. The reason for this thread is that I think housewife is an ourdated term that describes your role in terms of your husband but I just don't think SAHM describes fairly what most parents who stay at home actually do. AIBU and if not what is a better term? If Mumsnet can invent terms like naice ham then this would be a doddle.

Serf it is then .

I'm a single parent who works full time but also does all of the childcare when I'm not at work but also 100& of the housework/domestic jobs and I bring in all the money. What am I? No term will ever accurately describe every family's set up so we have to have generalisations.

Housewife does not really bother me either tbh.

Boozey - snap. (Apart from the rare (think 2x a year or so) occasions the father will step in for a couple of days). I think the term I mostly describe myself by is 'fucking knackered, mate'.

The only issue that I have with housewife is that you could do exactly what I do and not be married. I don't think the fact that I am married has much to do with what I do.

Surprised to hear people like 'housewife' - maybe you should reclaim it? I actually don't think it's such a bad word in itself and in fact I would like to be one.

I would just call anyone that stays at home unemployed.

Well, you'd be wrong.

My husband just says 'not working as got the kids'. In rl has anyway ever heard anyone say sahm or sahd. It is more of an internet shorthand

The title of Housekeeper is much better than housewife. Gender neutral, doesn't imply being married to the house rather than a husband, and can also be a professional role as well as a voluntary one. And no childcare required or implied.

Housekeeper sounds very formal and a little too much like I know what I am doing! Think I will stick to lady of leisure.

Isn't it weird that housekeeper is an understood term that accurately describes the job of running a household yet it's only applied in reference to working in a house that isn't your own.

When we got engaged we agreed I'd give up work as soon as we got married. DH runs a business so it made sense for me to be at home as he works really long hours and I wasn't complaining. I was already financially stable anyway. I've never heard the SAHM words used in RL. People have never asked what I do as it never seemed to come up in conversation. DH introduces me as his wife and business partner, which I am but I wouldn't mind beg called a housewife either.

I think housewife should be reclaimed actually:
Housewife, house husband & 'at-home' partner are all fine imo.

The 1950s model of housewife is so long ago - most housewives these days have been well educated and have worked in some independent capacity prior to their new role.
I think I will be fine with the title because it is my choice to be one - maybe it would be different if I had been forced into the role (not able to afford childcare for e.g.).

I've even bought a pinny in anticipation! (Not that I cook, husband is the cook in our house)

They write housewife/husband on birth certificates

All SAHM look after children, not all do housework or chores for various reasons. My friend has twins and one on the way, she has no time to do anything but chase after the very mobile toddlers and then collapse with exhaustion when she can: housework is 50/50. My mum was very much like yours in terms of housework- she was a housewife before mother.

I would only really use the term sahm on here. In real life I just say I am kept busy with the dc. I think when we applied for a mortgage I ticked the home/family responsibilty.
I must admit though I hate the way people say sahm are unemployed or wohm do exactly what sahms do and work.
Yes, we are all full time parents but generally a wohm outsources some of the childcare.
I also think sahms do more of the housework etc so actually a wohm is likely tovhave more of a 50/50 of the domestic work and childcare when home. Plus they do not have the luxury of sick leave.

When I was a sahm, I never described myself as such. I just said I'm on a career break. I hated the feeling of having to explain myself. Now I'm useless for being at work Men don't have this shit.

Outsources the childcare.

Unemployed.

I'm calling mn bingo!

LoisWilkersons - quite. Men don't think about what to call themselves. They're just men. If they're fathers, they're fathers. Not working fathers.

I think I'm the family manager.

So all tasks are mine, some of which I delegate. Like cooking and cleaning.

cruik

Wait a minute, wait a minute

Have we had someone desperately trying to keep the peace saying something along the lines of "we all do our best for our family"

Cos if not it's not a full house!!

It must be at least a line though, Rufus. Come on, give me that ...

Someone once said to me "its a good job your DH is a worker so you can do what you want"

Housewife isn't as relegated to the past as you might think, it's an option on a lot of mortgage application forms (I've seen a lot through work rather than made a lot myself).

Stay at home mum is accurate when children are small but once they're in school, I think housewife does become a more accurate term. Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion.