To think the term SAHM does not cut it

[anothernumberone]

My mother would describe herself as a housewife. She gave up a teaching job to stay at home with her family while my father brought home the income. She did the vast majority of the child rearing and also the vast majority of household chores laundry, (a lot we were a big family) cooking, cleaning. Every week however she had a 'list' of things my father had to do for the weekend which kept him busy but these almost exclusively included maintenance and decorating the house. When we left home and the SAHM aspect of the role ended she continued the role as the housewife. When my father retired he took over a lot of the internal domestic chores like hoovering, washing floors, windows (things that rarely happen in my home) and she did her share. I would say 50/50. So she could probably now be described as a retired housewife if you asked her. The reason for this thread is that I think housewife is an ourdated term that describes your role in terms of your husband but I just don't think SAHM describes fairly what most parents who stay at home actually do. AIBU and if not what is a better term? If Mumsnet can invent terms like naice ham then this would be a doddle.

Do you not need to be drawing a pension to define retirement?

Maybe SAHP could optionally mean Stay At Home Partner, which applies whatever work is done at home and whether DCs are home or not.

I think its a daft term tbh, but there again any label you gave it would be wrong unless a particular person chose it for themself, because there are so many variables of how people see the role and what they do with their time.
Most people i know who don't work for an employer are not at home all the time, nor are they rearing children constantly.

I like family enabler! In truth that is pretty much what I do as described above. Prefer to be thought of as a retired professional rather than a loley soul just waiting to cut the apron strings from DC.

I don't think you need an actual pension to be retired. But in any case presumably the working partner does provide the income for the non working partner so that could be classed as the retirement fund.

I like serf. I am going to be a serf, even though I work part time

I'm not sure tbh. Any time I've mentioned that I'm a sahm it has always gotton a fairly negative reaction, usually with some sort of back handed compliment. I don't think its the title that needs changing but the attitude attached to it.

I'm with Fleecyleesy. I am not a SAHM but if I ever did become one I would fully take on board most of the housework jobs..

That is kind of what I was getting at Magic. People, especially other mothers seem to assume because I do not currently work I never have and am in some way a lesser person for this.

SERF to me stands for Self-Exclusionary Radical Feminists

I try "concubine" now and then, but I have to judge my audience....

I work from home from 3-6pm. I have two teens who are at school all day. If someone askes me what I do all day I normally say truthfully "as little as possible"

Ooh concubine......

Labels are great!

Grays that is SERF, not serf....

What terms do other countries use? Could we nick a word or phrase from someone overseas?

concubine?

A woman attached to a man, who is inferior to his wife? A mistress?
I know it's probably tongue in cheek, but somebody really want this label?

I don't agree that saying you are unemployed means that you are actively seeking employment. It's just a statement of fact.

Of course, if your are claiming unemployment benefit because you are without a job, then you do need to be actively seeking work

I think 'stay at home' is accurate, surely? After all, that's what they do. The problem is not the term anyway, I guess - it's attitudes towards people who are economically inactive that need to change - the assumption that because someone is paid they are somehow better, more worthy, harder-working etc than someone who is not paid for what they spend their time doing.

I 'retired' at 29 then!

I agree with cruikshank that unpaid pursuits undervalued by many.
I volunteer in an area that requires a lot of my time. I am not paid but this does not mean it is not of value or that I am stuck at home all day.
I am an older parent who worked for over 20 years in a paid capacity.
I probably will try and get paid work again but seriously dislike twee labels such as SAHM, homemaker and housewife... shudder at them all.
Also try to zone out twenty somethings making patronising noises about me not being in paid work. [Some school gate mothers].

I think it's far more complex than it used to be. Full time/part time working for mum and dad plus far more sharing between couples means each family has their own status quo. Families play to their strengths and tasks aren't quite as pigeonholed into male/female as they once were.

At least this is how it seems for us and our peer group friends.

DarlingDaffodil, it's mad, isn't it? I can think of plenty of paid jobs that don't add much to society, indeed I can think of plenty of paid jobs that actively harm society. And yet that very same society's attitude is that because the people do them get paid, they have more social clout than someone in your position.

It's capitalism that is the problem, bread-head attitudes etc, not what people who are economically inactive describe themselves as. Because whatever you describe yourself as, if you're not earning money you are seen as 'lesser' by many.

CEO of the Home?
Home Secretary?
Senior Manager (Domestic Environment)
Housewife Superstar