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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

smear test (lighthearted)

91 replies

farewellfigure · 02/04/2015 13:52

I know IBU but there really is nothing like a 'you're due for your smear test' letter to put a downer on your day. I was having a lovely day. I'm excited about the long weekend. We're going to the zoo and doing egg hunts. DH is working from home today which is lovely. I've got loads of work done. Then that letter arrives and I cannot BELIEVE it's been 5 years already. Seriously. And DH sniggered which didn't help. He is sympathetic really though.

Oh and I know it's important and I will go. I just feel all 'argh' about it.

OP posts:
Debinaround · 02/04/2015 13:58

YANBU

I hate going for my smear too.
I know the nurse has done it hundreds of times before but not to my foof! Easter Grin

rabbitwoman · 02/04/2015 14:01

Once, when i went for a smear test, the doctor sneezed on my fanny......

FickleByNurture · 02/04/2015 14:09

Cue an evening of frantic manicuring and scrubbing?

FrizzyNoodles · 02/04/2015 14:09

I moved 100 miles down south - got a shock when it turned out they don't warm the speculum here. Ouch!

Boomerwang · 02/04/2015 14:10

haha rabbit, I would love to know how you reacted? I presume he or she then wiped it off? Or gave you something to do it yourself? Oh the pictures in my mind!

Hoplikeabunny · 02/04/2015 14:11

I had mine yesterday-phew, all done for 3 years! Hopefully can squeeze another baby in before the next one is due Smile

TheJiminyConjecture · 02/04/2015 14:12

Last time I went for a smear test I had to bring DD (nearly 3) with me. I gave her my phone with the trusted cbeebies app, hopped behind the curtain and chatted to her whilst the nurse got prepped.

Nurse appears, starts the exam - hand in fanjo, DD chatting away happily behind curtain when suddenly I hear a chant of "In the butt, in the butt" Somehow DD has turned on the sound and started playing a video of a bbq forfeit where my friend lost a bet and was dunked in the garden water butt.

Of course from behind the curtain it did not sound like that at all... The nurse looked at me like Confused Shock Hmm

I managed to squeak out some rubbish like "it's a bbq, not anything dodgy" but the more I spoke the more I was aware of her hand in my fanjo. In the end I just stopped digging Blush

GlitzAndGigglesx · 02/04/2015 14:12

I've not had one yet but my friend gave me full details. Yeah I'm not looking forward to my first...

Mrsstarlord · 02/04/2015 14:13

Yuck! I had to have, not a smear but a higher up thing (inside the cervix), last week. And he couldn't get in. Doctor was very complementary about the intact state of my foof and said he could tell I hadn't had children.

didn't mention the effort I'd put in to tidying the garden though but you can't have everything!

Jelliebabe2 · 02/04/2015 14:15

Oh my actual god! He sneezed on it? Graaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Gross and 5 years?!?!. I thought it was 3? At work all the European girls are diusgusted we don't have one annually!

babygiraffe86 · 02/04/2015 14:19

Honestly - after my 1st one showed abnormal cells and after going through a mmc i lost all dignity and truthfully am not bothered by them now.

much rather they find the abnormalities in time :)

BatteryPoweredHen · 02/04/2015 14:21

Why don't you just have the HPV (urine) test done instead? It's not available on the NHS yet, but well worth a few quid for a private one IMO.

If you test negative for high risk strains of HPV, then you won't get cervical cancer. Even if you do get a positive for a high risk strain of HPV, 90% of live infections will clear by themselves within 2 years. If you get 2 positive results, 2 years apart, then go for the smear test.

This blanket smear testing of all women is really archaic and unnecessary.

See here for more info...

BatteryPoweredHen · 02/04/2015 14:25

While we're on the subject, the current stats state that in the UK, in order to prevent a single death from cervical cancer, you would need to screen 1000 women for 35 years.

That's an awful lot of angst caused to a lot of women for very little gain. Your GP surgery's funding is based to a large extent on it's meeting the government target for uptake of cervical screening. Well worth remembering when they start up with the hysteria about it 'saving your life'.

FelixFelix · 02/04/2015 14:26

I got a letter for my first one a couple of weeks ago. I need to ring up and book it but keep putting it off Shock

Kreggle · 02/04/2015 14:28

I got my smear letter in jan. Put it off until last week, then my blooming period showed up a week early! Going to rebook it soon as last month my period went on for 2 weeks so want to be sure it's over! (Periods only recently come back after stopping bfeeding which is why they're all over the place)

Original poster
farewellfigure · 02/04/2015 14:33

Ah maybe the fact they're every 3 years explains why it seems to have come round quickly then. Grr.

OP posts:
BeatriceBumble · 02/04/2015 14:35

BatteryPoweredHen is spot on. Millions of pounds a year are wasted screening women for a rare cancer. The sooner a simple urine or blood test is devised to bring an end to being cranked open with a speculum, mascara wand jabbed into your cervix so hard it bleeds, the better.

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 02/04/2015 14:40

Hmm I went for mine recently and couldn't help thinking I'd rather get one then give one to all and sundry. I mean, I think fannys are great but I couldn't be looking at and fiddling with them all day. Especially as people may have varying degrees of personal hygiene.

SoonToBeMrsB · 02/04/2015 14:47

My mum's friend farted while getting a smear test done, just be thankful you're not her Wink

My mum had the hideous embarrassment of the nurse trying every size of speculum available before announcing that she'd need to get an even bigger one. When she told me afterwards I helpfully suggested that she should have used a traffic cone - this didn't go down well Grin

EmbarrassingBodiesContender · 02/04/2015 15:29

LOL @ traffic cone.

My foof area looks like a grenade has gone off inside it. A smear is the least of my worries. At least it's just one nurse. Behind a curtain. And over withing a minute or two. Wahhhhhhh!

nikkinack · 02/04/2015 15:37

This is weirdly US centric, but it makes me smile

FreezerBird · 02/04/2015 15:46

Last time I went for a smear I realised on walking in that the practice nurse (whose name I had noticed enough to know it wasn't the usual one, but no more), was a mum from school.

Weirdly, once I'd got over the shock, it was ok. We did a comedy "well this is awkward" at each other and then got on with it.

Mildly odd chatting about our dcs while she did her James Herriot bit, but better than lying there in silence.

Totality22 · 02/04/2015 15:56

Thanks for reminding me - I need to book mine actually.

Am a few months overdue. Was still pregnant when I should have had it done.

Original poster
farewellfigure · 02/04/2015 16:00

My Mum told me the other day that she could either book one at the local surgery, or go to a hospital 9 miles away. She opted for the hospital as the practice nurse at the local surgery was someone she knew very well from church. She walked into the hospital room to be greeted by the same woman who was covering at the hospital for someone who was ill. Just for the day. What are the chances?

OP posts:
Tootsiepops · 02/04/2015 16:01

I've just had ivf. My dignity is long gone...a smear seems like a pleasant afternoon out :D

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