To be sick and tired of formula feeding AND breastfeeding negativity

[CookPassBabtrigde]

Sat in a cafe today on my own with DS (5 months) giving him his bottle of formula milk.
There was a couple sat a few tables away, woman looked over at us and then turned to her husband and said in a pretty loud voice "Oh it makes me sick when I see mothers giving their babies a bottle of man made muck out of a tin" and proceeded onto a rant about formula milk and how evil it is.
The man didn't say much but glanced apologetically in my direction a few times.

I tried so so hard to breastfeed my son. I really wanted to do it. I had various problems physically with it and I just wasn't able to keep up with him. I started giving him formula and breastfeeding whatever I could, which carried on for about 3 months and then my milk pretty much stopped so he is now 100% formula. I am happy with that, he is doing just fine. But I get these kind of comments often, sometimes just offhand snootiness from 'friends' sometimes blatant rudeness and nastiness. I try my best to smile and ignore, but today it got to me and I sat there in tears. I didn't say anything back because I just didn't know what to say.

On the other side of it, when I was breastfeeding and did so in public I would get rolled eyes, dirty looks, tutting, one lady even complained to me and said I 'should do that elsewhere'.

I feel like I can't bloody win.
Even if I chose to bottle feed from day 1, isn't that my choice and no one else's business?
What can I say to just shut people up and why can't I enjoy a coffee out and about without having to overhear this shit all the time?

You can't win, so do what's best for your baby. I would have marched right up to her and told her that it was in face expressed breast milk, and watch her face.

Really? She really said those exact words?

You've had an unusual amount of ANY sort of reaction.

I fed ds for two years and never noticed any sort of reaction at all from anyone.

You've just been unlucky

Excellent. Another BF v. FF thread. It has been a week or so since the last one though so very overdue

Yes, she really did.

I think you are just unlucky that you keep meeting arseholes!
In my experience no one really cares.

Fuck em

I think you have indeed been very unlucky. I ff and breastfed and never had a single comment about either.

You've been really unlucky. I have never had any kind of reaction to any kind of feeding either...

If that is actually what she said them this isn't a FF v BF thread but a Random Weirdo in the Cafe thread

I'm not even BF v FF. At all. Im on neither side. I just find it odd and upsetting how I've negative reactions for doing both.

Agree this is a rude person in a cafe ....if that was what was said.

How venomous

Another one who Bf for 6 months then FF and no comments. Change your cafe, cuddle your baby and forget odd woman.

Ah yes but it will magically turn into a BF v. FF thread

Change your cafe

Who cares about this really?

I don't know anyone that gives a toss how a baby is fed!

To be fair, most people I encounter have no reaction. But the fact I have had several reactions for both annoys me. I suppose I am just unlucky. And it's got to me today.

I bf 4 children and then ff then as they got bigger.

Never ever has anyone commented or looked or bothered in the slightest.

Where are you going op?

And she actually said 'man made muck out if a tin* sounds like a but case.

It's terribly boring how people feed their babies anyway. Either tell all these people who challenge you to fuck off or ignore. Up to you.

Anyone else just waiting for certain posters to appear so we can get this over and done with?

I can relate, as I also had negative responses to both (not quite as dramatic - more tutting and sighing at public breastfeeding, and the sympathetic head tilt and 'oh its a shame you couldn't breastfeed a little bit longer' from a few idiot HVs/doctors/other mums when formula feeding).

You get perspective when your DC are older and realise that:

a) whatever women do becomes a stick that they're beaten with - thats our society, sadly - so fuck 'em all
b) how other people feed their babies is nobody else's business but the mother's

It's weird, I'm quite long in the tooth and most of my friends ff.

I've never heard any stories like this.

Oh, except one. I met someone at a training event who told me her midwife had sneered at her when she said she was bottle feeding her and refused to tell her how to make up a feed. I know the caseloading team she had care from and asked her the name of the midwife - who turned out to be someone I know 100% would not have done this. I said 'oh I'm really surprised, I've known her for years and I can never imagine her saying something like that'. The woman went bright red and scuttled off. She'd clearly been lying out of her arse. God knows why. I expect it happens quite a lot.

Are there sides? How strange. Who cares?

Moomin

Thats disgusting OP I wish I had been there and given him what for on your behalf!!

I researched the crap out of this when I couldn't breastfeed (medical reasons) although I did manage to breastfeed until just past the colostrum phase - I could envision myself slipping into a dangerous PND area if I didn't stop trying (completely in vain) to BF when I did. I was so gutted. But then after researching a LOT I was very surprised to see that ALL the immunological benefits come from the colostrum stage. ALL of them (based on the not up to date medical journal articles I could locate). Nobody EVER tells you that. Of course BF is optimal nutritionally as opposed to FF but really the technology behind FF has come on so much that it also offers great nutritional benefits too.

It made me so upset every time I saw a FF ad for so long, with the 'BF is best, but if you choose not to' etc caveat that they all use - to a post pregnant mummy with hormones everywhere it hurt a lot - as I didn't choose that path and nor do a lot of mummies.

You have been very unlucky to meet such a succession of rude idiots. Those kinds of people will tend to find something to criticise others about, irrespective of what they're doing. So if not infant feeding it would be something else.

Don't take it to heart and don't be put off going about your normal life. Plan a couple of phrases for the unlikely case that it happens again. Something like "How I feed my baby is not your business and you are being rude and unpleasant to discuss it in front of me. Stop doing it".

cantbelieve oh dear, I'm sorry, I really didnt intend it to be! I just needed a rant. I'm sorry if I've opened a can of worms. I'm fairly new here and not seen BF v FF threads before. This is an odd woman in cafe thread. I shall change my cafe. :)