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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick and tired of formula feeding AND breastfeeding negativity

98 replies

CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 20:24

Sat in a cafe today on my own with DS (5 months) giving him his bottle of formula milk.
There was a couple sat a few tables away, woman looked over at us and then turned to her husband and said in a pretty loud voice "Oh it makes me sick when I see mothers giving their babies a bottle of man made muck out of a tin" and proceeded onto a rant about formula milk and how evil it is.
The man didn't say much but glanced apologetically in my direction a few times.

I tried so so hard to breastfeed my son. I really wanted to do it. I had various problems physically with it and I just wasn't able to keep up with him. I started giving him formula and breastfeeding whatever I could, which carried on for about 3 months and then my milk pretty much stopped so he is now 100% formula. I am happy with that, he is doing just fine. But I get these kind of comments often, sometimes just offhand snootiness from 'friends' sometimes blatant rudeness and nastiness. I try my best to smile and ignore, but today it got to me and I sat there in tears. I didn't say anything back because I just didn't know what to say.

On the other side of it, when I was breastfeeding and did so in public I would get rolled eyes, dirty looks, tutting, one lady even complained to me and said I 'should do that elsewhere'.

I feel like I can't bloody win.
Even if I chose to bottle feed from day 1, isn't that my choice and no one else's business?
What can I say to just shut people up and why can't I enjoy a coffee out and about without having to overhear this shit all the time?

OP posts:
GlitteringJasper · 01/04/2015 20:36

And your baby is 5 months and you still care what other people have to say regarding how you feed him? Hmm

Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 20:36

Moomin yessssss Grin

Also all the stats ....quotes....

Great first post Op welcome welcome

Joyfulleastersquad · 01/04/2015 20:37

Should have launched it at the back of her head. Easter Smile

Blueskybrightstar · 01/04/2015 20:37

Most up to date, not 'not up to date' that was meant to say, lol!

Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 20:38

beloved isn't it strange someone would do that? How mind numbingly boring. Good on you for challenging her. What a total drama lama and liar.

scalliondays · 01/04/2015 20:38

Think you've been really unlucky with your experiences. I've been out and about a lot with my own baby and with other mums and have never heard a single comment about breastfeeding or formula feeding. Don't think that you should have to smile and bear it though - you have ever right to be cross and tell them it is a personal decision and that if they have nothing nice to say then say nothing!

PrincessSmartipants · 01/04/2015 20:38

I run a bloody BF support group and even I don't really care how anyone chooses to feed their baby! I just care that women who want to breastfeed get the support they need to do so for as long as they choose to.

alittleegglayonaleaf · 01/04/2015 20:40

It's just such a touchy and personal subject with strong views on either side, there will be comments either way and we just need to accept them

RaggyAnnie · 01/04/2015 20:43

I am so sick of hearing these stories from both sides of the fence. Yes, some people breastfeed, some formula feed and some do both. Breast milk is not the only option and is not an option at all for some people so why do we seem fixated with passing judgement? Being a good parent goes so much further than what type of milk you give your baby and what type of receptacle it is given in.

Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 20:44

Er no no one comment to my face about how I fed my babies!

I don't take comments from anyone about my personal life.

In the unlikely event of this happening I find a shouty fuck off twat facedoes it.

No one has commented though. Shame I like a good row. Grin

Pyjamasandwine · 01/04/2015 20:44

What fence? Where is it?

Cantbelievethisishappening · 01/04/2015 20:48

You haven't opened a can of worms.Smile
Ignore the busy bodies..... there will always be someone who has something to say about FF.

May09Bump · 01/04/2015 20:50

It's none of their business - you do what is best for you and your baby. Ignore the small minded twits - I found breastfeeding quite easy and did it for 13 months. My son has eczema and major allergies - so clearly BF is not the holy grail (also followed pregnancy guidance to the letter and no family allergies). Yep, probably best option for baby as an approach - but what can you do if your mild dries up, etc. After breastfeeding, my son went on to Neocate specialised formula because of his allergies - it honestly saved my sanity to be able to stop breastfeeding and my DS definitely needed more than I could give. Formula has its place and should not be demonised.

Sorry you have experienced such small minded views - enjoy your baby and focus what is right for you!

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 01/04/2015 20:51

I've bf three babies out an about, and also given bottles. I've never had a single negative, but I'm lucky on that count - I know it can happen.

But she really said those words? She wouldn't even know that you weren't feeding expressed breast milk.

Weird.

Booboostoo · 01/04/2015 20:52

Sorry you came across a twat!

I would have doubted such people existed but I was on a extended bf group on FB and had to leave because, as well as great advice, there were some totally bonkers people on there. They would burst in tears because a friend had decided to ff her baby and they couldn't stand by and watch this happen Hmm and various other twateries (yes I know that is not a word but it should be).

Don't let them get to you. Do your own thing in confidence.

ChipDip · 01/04/2015 20:52

She really said that Hmm

May09Bump · 01/04/2015 20:53

Aorry, should have said if milk dries up. Auto correct fail :)

Original poster
CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 20:53

I'm saving 'fuck off twat face' for the next time this happens, IF there's a next time. And if that fails I will launch the bottle at the back of rude persons head. I'm at least smiling about this now :)

OP posts:
UnbelievableBollocks · 01/04/2015 20:58

I FF and BF publicly and never once had any comments for either situation.

I'm almost disappointed.

Original poster
CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 20:59

She really really did say those words. 'Man made muck'. That's why I was upset. I can take rolled eyes etc. it wasn't actually even said to me, either, just about me!
booboostoo I've also encountered twats people like that. Rants about it on FB and all sorts. Each to their own..

OP posts:
PterodactylTeaParty · 01/04/2015 21:01

But I get these kind of comments often, sometimes just offhand snootiness from 'friends' sometimes blatant rudeness and nastiness.

WTF are they saying to you? I think you need new friends as well as a new cafe.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/04/2015 21:06

I mixed fed both my dd and felt very self conscious about being in public breastfeeding then getting out a bottle - I really thought people would notice and wonder why. But I had no reaction from people and decided it was my own projection of feeling insecure. The only comments I had were from older women saying how brilliant is was these days that formula is so easy to use when out and about.

Original poster
CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 21:10

One friend in particular was very anti formula. such things as 'your baby won't have the same protection, formula is 'synthetic', he will get constipated, you will make him ill' blah blah blah
Another friend was formula all the way, 'he will sleep better, you never know how much milk he's getting with bf, he won't gain weight as quickly, if I were you I'd just give up altogether already' etc.
I don't see either of them very often now..

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 01/04/2015 21:26

Always surprised to see these threads. I bf everywhere and never had a comment or even a dodgy look. Neither have my ff friends. Literally no one I know cares a jot.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 01/04/2015 21:39

All remarkably civil so far... No mention of public health issue.... IQ points... Golden days of colostrum... HALLELUJAH praise be to the Biscuit lord!