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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick and tired of formula feeding AND breastfeeding negativity

98 replies

CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 20:24

Sat in a cafe today on my own with DS (5 months) giving him his bottle of formula milk.
There was a couple sat a few tables away, woman looked over at us and then turned to her husband and said in a pretty loud voice "Oh it makes me sick when I see mothers giving their babies a bottle of man made muck out of a tin" and proceeded onto a rant about formula milk and how evil it is.
The man didn't say much but glanced apologetically in my direction a few times.

I tried so so hard to breastfeed my son. I really wanted to do it. I had various problems physically with it and I just wasn't able to keep up with him. I started giving him formula and breastfeeding whatever I could, which carried on for about 3 months and then my milk pretty much stopped so he is now 100% formula. I am happy with that, he is doing just fine. But I get these kind of comments often, sometimes just offhand snootiness from 'friends' sometimes blatant rudeness and nastiness. I try my best to smile and ignore, but today it got to me and I sat there in tears. I didn't say anything back because I just didn't know what to say.

On the other side of it, when I was breastfeeding and did so in public I would get rolled eyes, dirty looks, tutting, one lady even complained to me and said I 'should do that elsewhere'.

I feel like I can't bloody win.
Even if I chose to bottle feed from day 1, isn't that my choice and no one else's business?
What can I say to just shut people up and why can't I enjoy a coffee out and about without having to overhear this shit all the time?

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 21:40

Or that little Gem...."oh I bf because I'm lazy"

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/04/2015 21:42

Until just now, when you did...

antumbra · 01/04/2015 21:42

OP you must live in a place with a high proportion of outspoken people.
I have lots of friends who have bf and ff in public- as have I.
None of them nor I have had a single comment.

Strange it happens to you so often................

GlitteringJasper · 01/04/2015 21:43

Can people just stop with the bf/ff crap?!

Nobody cares!

A baby is just fed. End of!

iLoveFlop · 01/04/2015 21:44

This thread has just reminded me of the old man who said 'when she's finished, can I have what's left?' whilst I was feeding DD in Costa.

I was speechless!

Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 21:44

I'd have popped to the stables and got her some 'muck In a tin' to go with her tea and scones Smile

Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 21:45

I love ConfusedConfusedConfused

Nooooooooo

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 01/04/2015 21:46

Ah but Culture, I'm not a judgmental twat.

ThatBloodyWoman · 01/04/2015 21:46

I think what needs to happen is that those of us who haven't got babies any more should always be ready to defend a mother who is getting shit in public for how she feeds her baby.

If every tosser with a big gob and opinions they feel justified in airing in public,met with a cold reception from bystanders hopefully they'll stfu.

Original poster
CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 21:47

Today is the first formula one from a total stranger.
But myself and several people I know have had breastfeeding-in-public comments from randomers. That seems to be happen more still, sadly. Glad to hear lots of people on here don't experience it.

OP posts:
CultureSucksDownWords · 01/04/2015 21:48

Of course not Moomin.

iLoveFlop · 01/04/2015 21:51

only1 sadly, it's true! Had great moments of l'espirit d'escalier afterwards, but at the time just sat there with my mouth open!

Only1scoop · 01/04/2015 21:54

I literally would have done the same ....Shock

Speechless

antumbra · 01/04/2015 21:59

Quite strange comment really, as the overwhelming majority of babies at this age are formula fed.
In the UK only 1% of babies are breastfed to 6 months, so seems an odd comment if that stranger was trying to stigamtise.

MrsNuckyThompson · 01/04/2015 21:59

I agree you've been very unlucky. I fed for 2 years and only ever had positive comments about bf'ing. Equally several friends have bottle fed and I'm not aware of any of them ever having had a negative comment.

iLoveFlop · 01/04/2015 22:14

antumna where is that percentage from? I'm quite skeptical that it's only 1%.

Juniper44 · 01/04/2015 22:14

I had quite a lot of comments too. I had a gasp when I took DD into work and gave her a bottle. It was actually expressed BF as I didn't fancy bf in the school's staffroom, but the judgement was there.

I also had a woman tell me how great it was that I was bf when I fed in a café.

I had to stop bf when DD was 5mo as she was diagnosed as lactose intolerant, but I still had a lot of judgement from other mums for moving onto formula. I mixed fed from the start, and I would have gone insane if I'd exclusively bf. DD never slept. She was in too much pain... yet it took 5 months to get the diagnosis and a prescription

Original poster
CookPassBabtrigde · 01/04/2015 22:22

antumna I didn't know that. I presumed it would be higher. Agree though it's a very weird comment, I never thought I would get one about ff, I kind of expected ones about bf as a friend of mine had a few nasty ones a couple of years ago when she had her dd.
juniper I'm relieved a little it's not just me.. I was beginning to wonder what I do to attract weirdos. At least you had one positive one! Sorry to hear about your dds lactose intolerance, it must have been stressful :(

OP posts:
iLoveFlop · 01/04/2015 22:23

Wow, I'm very surprised! Thanks for providing the link.

By exclusively breastfeeding, does it mean weaning also? Or just no bottle feeding?

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/04/2015 22:31

It means still just breastfeeding, no formula and no solids. The rates of women still doing "any breastfeeding" is higher at 34%.

But it's a slightly odd statistic, because if they've had formula at any point then they aren't classed as exclusively breastfed. So my DS who had formula whilst in hospital won't be counted in the 1% as he had some formula for about 4 or 5 weeks, even though he was ebf after that till 16 months!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 01/04/2015 22:38

It is a really odd way of counting it. It excludes anyone whose baby was topped up with formula at the start, and anyone who made it to five months and three weeks of EBF before having to stop/choosing to stop.

From experience I'm surprised the amount of people doing any breastfeeding is as low as 34% - I don't have any mum friends in real life, but my MN postnatal group was overwhelmingly BF, and many continued beyond six months. It always surprises me to find out it's that low at six months!

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/04/2015 22:44

I think it's very specific to where you live. My SIL lives in a very different part of the UK to me and she was practically the only person breastfeeding, never met anyone else at groups etc. I think the Infant Feeding Survey might have a regional break down of the figures.

WayfaringStranger · 01/04/2015 22:50

Do that many people really give a shit about how others feed their babies?! I hear about it all the time on MN but in real life, it is SO SO SO rare.

sailoratsea · 01/04/2015 23:15

Exclusively breastfed means just that. There has to be a definition for a statistic and a baby who has been topped up with formula has been formula fed. If they changed the definition bit would get very messy. Exclusively bf apart with less than 10 bottles of formula, or 20 etc.

Also, I think the only people who care how other people feed their babies are a number of new mothers who worry that a mother who chooses to feed her baby in a different way to them must be judging them.

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