Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to know your Family secrets (light hearted) or not

188 replies

99pokerface · 01/04/2015 19:20

Four years ago we found out my uncle was not my grandads

Nana was having a op and was dosed up to the eye balls she very old any way and just kept repeating the baby's not his you know he looks nothing like him I was 4 months gone before we were wed Confused

My uncle is the first and their has always been hushed coversations and dark clouds surrounding uncles birth
Tbh were all very dark looking and my uncle looks more mixed raced than black

OP posts:
flabbyducks · 02/04/2015 20:18

This thread is very , very moving

My nan had a child before she was married , kept him until he was 4/5 her parents were supportive

Met my GF who refused to acknowledge him , and made her choose between them

She chose my GF

Nobody knew about him until about 10 years ago , he lives abroad now . Such a lovely man , my nan refused to meet him , such was the shame then even though the rest of the family adored him

I'm so glad times have changed

CwtchCorner · 02/04/2015 20:26

My grandmother had a brother that she never told us about. We only found out about him when he got in touch after she had died; his DIL had been researching the family tree and found his daughter - my mother. They had been put in a children's home in the war for some unknown reason and then she was taken out of the home and he was left in the home. She never mentioned him at all. He never spoke about what his life was like either but he was very glad to find us but very sad that she had died.

YouCanButImNot · 02/04/2015 20:35

Yep it happened in Eastenders, how bizarre that it always comes out in an argument. I got told 'you had better ask my mum for the truth about you' lovely, thanks for that. This was after she'd punched me in the face.

Iflyaway · 02/04/2015 20:42

Hmm, wondering if some people's imaginations have got the better of them..

"My great grandfather died of aids during the aids scare"

Wasn't that in the 80,s? Hmm

MmeGuillotine · 02/04/2015 20:49

Oh no, YouCan, how awful. :/

My grandmother was physically violent to me too. It's just horrible. I've come really far away from it now, as in when I remember that I used to be regularly punched in the face etc as a child, it seems totally unreal as I can't imagine anyone in my life now treating me that way. I hope it's the same for you. Flowers

(I also like to think that in the EXTREMELY unlikely and frankly barking mad event of one of my having to bring up one of my future grandchildren and pretend that they're my own, I would break it to them gently rather than dropping the revelation like a bomb into the middle of a domestic disturbance.)

MamaLazarou · 02/04/2015 20:51

I thought the same, Iflyaway, but do some quick mental arithmetic and it is feasible that if the poster is very young their great-gf could have been in his 50s in 1985.

Sexyhouseslippers · 02/04/2015 21:00

IFlyaway

Most of my family had children when they were young so it is possible.

PatrickStarxx · 02/04/2015 21:02

My great grandad was part of a large paedophile ring. He's burning in hell now thank god.

justmyview · 02/04/2015 21:03

My grandmother had one younger brother. They weren't close. After they both died, I discovered that there had been 3 siblings in between who all died in infancy. When my grandmother's youngest brother was born, my grandmother was sent off to live with a local vicar for some time (I think a year or two), so that her parents could focus on the new baby boy. We wonder if they weren't close because she resented being sent away as a young child

FreudiansSlipper · 02/04/2015 21:16

older gay men died of aids too

it was not just young gay men dying of aids

nor was it just gay men

TinyTearsFirstLove · 02/04/2015 21:32

My nephew is not my brother's child. He is now an adult and doesn't know. We met nephew when he was 2. All the adults in the family know and I've said to bro it's a ticking time bomb. I urged him years ago to just bring it up in a simple way that a young child can understand so it becomes the norm and not a big bombshell. Bro was too scared of rejection to say anything. I'm dreading it coming out.....feel so guilty pretending.

WobblyHalo · 02/04/2015 21:42

My dad was convicted of molesting one of my sisters friends when they were 12. I was 13. A whole bunch of dsis's friends accused my dad. He received a suspended sentence of 2 years.

Turns out they were all lying to get back at my sis for something. All got thrown out of court bar one that sounded plausible. 10 years later, the girl (whose claim was believed) and her family came and apologised to my dad.

The girl got swept up in the story and was quite a young 12 year old, so never really thought of the consequences of lying.

We lived in a little village. It was hell. We had no friends and were shunned for years. My dad never really recovered and it's taken me and my sisters a long time to get over it.
We all suffer depression and have struggled for normal lives.

I tell no one this. Ever. I always say that I believe victims of child abuse, and I do, but there's a little part of me that remembers the 13 year old me, sobbing my heart out.
Need to name change now.

StockingFullOfCoal · 02/04/2015 21:51

YouCan I also received a good thump or several from my mother that night too. Thank fuck I ran to my Dads aged 16 and never looked back. I was the only one she physically, mentally and emotionally abused. Couldn't afford to get me new trainers when my toes were sticking out of the end of them, they'd worn through on the bottom and my feet were covered in blisters but she could afford cocaine and gin and designer clothes for my siblings. All very hidden behind a very middle class facade.

Took many years of therapy and having children of my own to recover from it all.

SinisterBunnyMonth · 02/04/2015 23:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHatComesBack · 02/04/2015 23:50

My granddad was 18 in 1939 and somehow avoided being called up into the forces. He wasn't in a reserved occupation and was hale and hearty.

No one knows why.

slithytove · 03/04/2015 05:58

My uncle by marriage hung himself in a psychiatric hospital

My great uncle (Nanas brother) ran over his niece (Nanas daughter). She was 13 months old, and died.

Same great uncle was the favourite in the family, and used his position and his mothers poor mental health to coerce her to making her whole will over to him. He later pushed her down the stairs. My nana and grandad took him to court over it and it was covered up by the freemasons. There is a book about it.

Painintheface · 03/04/2015 07:21

I was raped when I was 14 and had a ds alone in my room without telling anyone, my mum only found out when he started crying and I was bleeding out. He was given up for adoption.

I am married to my cousin and have two healthy dc now, I'm currently trying to write a letter to ds1 to explain I loved him and I'm sorry.

Cariad007 · 03/04/2015 08:16

Thanks Painintheface, I hope you can one day meet your DS1 and tell him those things in person.

uggmum · 03/04/2015 11:02

My Mum always told me she was married but left my father when I was a baby.
My Sister called me a bastard when I was 10 and told me that they were never married.
I then found out that he was already married when they got together. He left his wife and child and ran off with my Mum.
I have a half sister who I've never met.
I never met my Father either, he died when I was 20.
All my family knew the circumstances and I was the only one that didn't know.

mrsscarlettbutler · 03/04/2015 11:09

My great uncle was given a lobotomy in the 1930s/1940s (i think) due to a depressive episode. Horrendous. He apparently went from a fully functioning member of society to being confined to a home with no idea of anything. My mum had no idea of his existence until he died in the 1960s, and it transpired that my grandfather (his brother) had gone to visit him every fortnight. It was very much not spoken about by the rest of the family (he was one of seven siblings)

My grandmother was a triplet, born in the 1920s. No one had any idea until they were born and then there was lots of scrambling around for extra cots (drawers!) etc. Sadly only my grandma survived past 3 months old, and her mother never let her forget it. She grew up with it being made very clear that in her mother's opinion the 'wrong' triplet survived Sad

WeAllHaveSecrets · 03/04/2015 11:53

My dad invited his younger brother to come and live with him, and his first wife and kids when he came over from Ireland. The brother had an affair with his wife, and they forced my dad out. My dad's youngest son is probably not his, so he's probably my cousin and not my half brother.

The same uncle went to prison for armed robbery, and later on for threatening to poison the product of an extremely well known company if they didn't pay up. He's a twat.

PizzaFingers · 03/04/2015 17:18

My mum's DP used to be married to her younger sister. When he ever mentions his ex, we all know who he's talking about but it's brushed under the table. Mum's DP's kids are therefore my cousins and my mum's niece and nephew.

I found out 18 months ago that I had an older sister. She was born when dad was 19 in the days when unmarried mothers were sent to homes to have their babies. He never even met her before she was adopted but she finally got in touch and now we are very good friends.

MummaV · 03/04/2015 18:30

Age 12 whilst at school a friend went home for lunch, came back and asked My dad's name, when I told her she produced that days newspaper stating that my Dad was a drug dealer and was going to prison. I was obviously incredibly upset to find out this way however after calling my mum (they separated 10 years prior to this) and my grandparents, it turns out this was the first anyone had heard of it. DF tried to claim his innocence to everyone however was sent to prison for 4 years after a very large amount of drugs were found in his house. I did always wonder how he always managed to live such a lavish lifestyle on a basic telecom engineers wage. Never made him want to pay any maintenance to any of his kids though.

Also my uncle (dad's brother) left the country about 10 years ago and changed his name. I was told by my drunk father a few years later that the reason he left the country was that he and his partner had embezzled a LOT of money from the company she worked for. He has only returned once, when my cousin turned 18. He announced during her birthday meal that he wished she'd never been born and promptly disappeared to the airport. Other than my grandparents no one has spoken to him since. No one but me, my cousin(I had to tell her) and DF know why he left the country in the first place or why he's so reluctant to return.

I could never tell my grandparents as it would kill them to have 2 criminal sons and I have no proof other than what I was told in a drunken rant from DF.

Royalsighness · 03/04/2015 18:36

My dads been in prison, my brothers been in prison, my nan had a 7 year relationship with her sons best friend and nearly married him before deciding to get back with my grandad, my grandad had an illegitimate love child that nobody ever sees. Wouldnt have my family any other way.

mummy2angel · 03/04/2015 23:54

My DB sexually abused me from the age of 5-14. I have never told anyone