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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to know your Family secrets (light hearted) or not

188 replies

99pokerface · 01/04/2015 19:20

Four years ago we found out my uncle was not my grandads

Nana was having a op and was dosed up to the eye balls she very old any way and just kept repeating the baby's not his you know he looks nothing like him I was 4 months gone before we were wed Confused

My uncle is the first and their has always been hushed coversations and dark clouds surrounding uncles birth
Tbh were all very dark looking and my uncle looks more mixed raced than black

OP posts:
AGnu · 01/04/2015 22:13

My gran had an older half-brother who was brought up by their grandparents. As far as I know it was never a secret as such. The story I've been told is that their mum had a fling with a US soldier who went back to America before she discovered she was pregnant. I'm not convinced though. DGran was born in 1932 & her brother was about 10 years older. I'm not sure what a US soldier would've been doing in suburban London in the mid 20s. Come to think of it, I know nothing about DGran's father. I've been told her parents were married but I don't know anything about him or when he died. Hmm

My dad has cousins I've never met. There's a reason for it but no-one seems to know what it is! They're my grandfather's brother's DC. As far as I know there was no issue between DGF & his brother or between his brother & his DC so I have no idea why there should be a problem between DF & his siblings & their cousins which DF & his siblings don't seem to know the cause of. I spent many hours as a teenager dreaming about all the possible scenarios. Maybe I should start a MN thread - someone on here is bound to know one of them... Would probably help if I had more than a surname to go on!

IlPorcupinoNilSodomyEst · 01/04/2015 22:14

thingamajig I had to use a piece of paper to figure yours out - were your DH's parents step-siblings?

BikketBikketBikket · 01/04/2015 22:19

My Grandad wasn't my Auntie's father, she was my Dad and Auntie2's half-sister - I found out when my parents died and all the birth, marriage, death certificates came to me.

I realised that my Auntie's date of birth was 4 years before Nan & Grandad's marriage - also that Nan was 4 months pregnant with Aunitie2 when they married (bit of a goer my Nan - this was in the early 1900s)
No-one (even my cousin who is the family historian Smile) knows who Auntie1's Father was...

YoullLikeItNotaLot · 01/04/2015 22:21

My grandad had a child with another lady when married to my nan. She was a prostitute but I dont know whether this was at the time my grandad was involved with her or came after. Only my dad knows this out of his siblings.

My nan essentially arranged a marriage between her daughter and another prostitute's son as the prostitute provided a safe haven when my grandad was drunk and violent.

My great aunt had an illegal abortion due to being in a violent marriage. She nearly died and was beaten for that too.

butterfly2015 · 01/04/2015 22:22

My dad killed my mum and then took his own life when I was six and my sister was two.

I'm now 46 and four years ago found a half sister.

The story is....My mum had a relationship with a black man in the 60s, fell pregnant and had a baby boy. The baby was put up for adoption, my mum was only about 17. She then met and married a Spanish man and fell pregnant again. While she was pregnant she started an affair with another man (my dad) and one day her husband came home from work and caught them at it and chucked her out.

Mum then had the baby girl but my dad refused to bring up another man's,child. So baby 2 was put up for adoption. Mum then fell pregnant again and had me but as she was still married to Spanish man, I was given his surname and he was named as my dad.

The divorce came through and my dad adopted me after they married. Then they had my sister. Unfortunately my mum still slept about and my dad flipped and broke her neck.

Both me and my sister were adopted separately. She gained two siblings, I gained one. My half sister has an adopted sibling and she's found Spanish man and another two siblings there.

None of us have found our brother although we have his birth certificate.

If you understand all that, we'll done. Because I'm living it and I still struggle with the concept of the whole mess.

Chippednailvarnish · 01/04/2015 22:22

Demented my uncle's wife's DF was also interned for years, but we're not sure what for Confused
That shocked me more tbh!

why1989 · 01/04/2015 22:26

My nanas sister gave birth to her fathers baby...
That's one that is well buried as I only found out a few months ago.

KatieKaye · 01/04/2015 22:30

My dad thought he was the youngest of three brothers, brought up by their widowed Mum. his father died when he was a baby.

One brother was a test pilot and died after a plane crash, this was before WWII. DF was 17 when the war started and escaped from Poland and never saw any of his family again. it was only years later that he found out that his "brothers" were actually his cousins, the sons of his mother's sister - she and her husband had died in another plane crash - and my widowed GM brought them up and never differentiated between any of the boys.

My GM survived a German concentration camp.

My surviving uncle was murdered in the 50s by the communists.

Follyfoot · 01/04/2015 22:35

My Grandma had a sister whose existence was never mentioned. It was only after she died that my Mum told me of her. The poor lady had caught syphilis as a young woman and ended up in an asylum when it went to her brain Sad The poor woman lived for many years and no-one ever visited her.

Canyouforgiveher · 01/04/2015 22:38

I have three half siblings who don't know I exist (their father was my father - I was born out of wedlock) an have no way of contacting me if they did. He is dead now. I've seen photos of them and know their names but they know nothing about me.

MrsPinotGrigio · 01/04/2015 22:39

My mum has no idea who her father is. The man named on her birth certificate is father to her older brothers & sisters but died 18 months before she was born. I'm 47, Mum is 82 & I only found out last month - my sister doesn't know.

My Aunt's 2nd marriage was to a man who worked abroad a lot. He spent time in Libya & Poland during the 1980's. He then disappeared in the middle of the night not long after my cousin was born & despite her efforts she couldn't trace him. I joked he was a spy - years later she saw him again & it turns out I was right, he worked for MI5 Shock

Rivercam · 01/04/2015 22:40

Wow - some really heart-wrenching stories here.

Our family secret feels quite insignificant. After my grandad died, my mum discovered her older brother was actually adopted, so my mum is actually the eldest biological,child. In retrospect, my uncle does look different from his younger siblings, but we never noticed the difference before.

I would have loved to ask my gran why he was adopted, but she got dementia, and I guess we weren't supposed to know.

AlpacaMyBags · 01/04/2015 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zamboni · 01/04/2015 22:50

My paternal grandfather was brought up by his grandparents as their youngest child. His mother was actually their oldest child. She only told one person, her sister, who the father was. They both died without breathing a word to anyone although Grandpa apparently wanted to know. He never found out. My Nana was told this the night before their wedding in case the scandal changed her mind. It didn't.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/04/2015 23:03

My DFather and his sister are both the product of separate encounters during my Grandmother's time as a prostitute.

Toofat2BtheFly · 01/04/2015 23:04

My GM had 6 kids , only the first 2 where my GF biological children the other 4 where born as a result of my GF offering out my GM for extra money ... We are a very close family , they all consider themselves siblings and nothing else, it appears it was common but shushed up knowledge between the siblings .I found all this out 2 days after my GM death last year ... Shocked but most of all I feel so sorry that life got that hard for my lovely nanna .

FreudiansSlipper · 01/04/2015 23:06

what terribly sad stories Sad

Butterfly that you can even type all that has happened is incredible

I was the secret child. My dad was married and had a daughter before coming here, leaving them behind he married (or so we though it only came out a few years ago this is not true) and had another daughter and a son. They separated met my mother and I came along. He got back with his second wife emigrated and disappeared

until I traced him down. his second wife had died a few years before I found my dad she had always known about me. so did her family and all their friends, they knew my mum too (apart from her oldest and closest friend which i found really strange). my sister and brother did not know about me. the shock absolutely tore my middle sister and brother apart they were still deeply grieving and were so hurt. I felt like a dirty secret for some time. 20 years on things are really good, from the start I had a great relationship with my brother, building one with my middle sister so it is all good its our children that have bought us together more than anything but it took a lot of time to build relationships (my oldest sister does not really want much to do with our dad or any of us i can understand that she just wants to keep her distance but its sad she feels that way)

my dads family has many secrets and half told stories that make no sense I doubt we shall ever find out the truth

secrets always always come out at some point and even if they are never confirmed they play out in other usually destructive ways that cause so much pain

FarFromAnyRoad · 01/04/2015 23:07

My grandmother was private nurse to a Count who was in the Diplomatic Service. His wife murdered her mother and was sent to a hospital for the criminally insane and the Count divorced her and married my Grandmother. That was her second marriage. She had two sons in her first - one my father - and everyone knew those two sons had different fathers but she would never speak of it and took the secret to her grave. I think she might have been what was once known as 'fast' Grin

TheoriginalLEM · 01/04/2015 23:08

my cousin killed his gf :(

MrsFlannel · 01/04/2015 23:14

Caoimhe My Great Grandad was a Black and Tan.

Sad he was very very poor and they offered good money. It's been a cause of shame since then really.

SugarPlumTree · 01/04/2015 23:21

DH had a drunken phone call from his Brother one night where he told DH that he has another child a similar age to his as a result of an affair. His wife and child do know. DH isn't sure his Brother remembers ringing him and isn't sure whether he has done the same with his other siblings and whether they are all keeping the secret but actually all know.

On my Dad's side it is alleged that his cousin is the illegitimate child of my Dad's Aunt's DH and the Grandaughter of a well known charitable family. My Great Aunt and Uncle are said to have adopted him , they didn't have any children of their own. I was very sceptical until I realised that his name is one used in the Family his Mother is alleged to have come from so think there might possibly be something in it, though it is quite hard to believe.

lokidokey · 01/04/2015 23:25

My uncle shot my such through the knee caps with a sawn off when I was 15. I was horrified, sadly at the time my teenage brain was upset not so much at what he'd done but at the fact it was all over the local news and I shared the very unusual surname.

Thankfully she did survive and did walk again, he served many years in prison. I saw him again at my dad's funeral where my heart stopped as he was his double. I've not seen him since.

FoolishFay · 01/04/2015 23:43

Mines a very old one, curious but not nearly as painful as some told here. My great great grandfather was convicted in 1874 of attempted buggery on a cow and did 18 months hard labour. He went back to his wife and had 3 more children but later separated. He was accused of buggery on a donkey in about 25 years later but it never went to trial. A few years in 1903, he later committed suicide by walking under a train outside Eastbourne. The train apparently severed both his legs from his body.

lokidokey · 01/04/2015 23:46

Such = Aunt. Damn auto correct.

hstar1995 · 02/04/2015 00:02

My grandmother was from Germany, and was a young woman during ww2. One evening, her and her family received a visit from the Gestapo - they were anti-Nazi and my grandmother had been seeing my grandfather, a Welsh soldier. They escaped death by hiding underground through a hidden trapdoor under the kitchen table. After the war, my grandparents married and moved to Wales.

My mother had a forced abortion when she was 15. She never would have told me but slipped up when discussing abortion with me. Her mother gave her a choice of abortion or leave the house and never come back, my mum didn't have anywhere to go. It was kept a secret, her and her dad went to London for the abortion, and her mum didn't speak to her to a fortnight. We have never discussed it since that day and never will. All I know is that my mum was traumatised by the experience - she used to knock on local women's doors begging to take babies for a walk in their pram , able to pretend for half hour that it was her baby, and that he wasn't dead Sad

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