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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Dp's customer is overly 'friendly'?

127 replies

Dogzilla · 31/03/2015 12:26

DP is a builder and has been working for a young couple. The husband is never there and DP told me recently the wife wanted to bake him a cake and was asking what his favourite one was, I was a tiny bit but also thought it was a nice gesture..

We had to take an unexpected trip to family in Ireland last week and yesterday he left his emails open. There was one from her saying she was worried about him as he'd had to rush off. She'd also said she was looking forward to him getting back so he could tell her all about what had happened and that she had someone else in to fix something and baked for him but 'it just wasn't the same'..

He said she was just being friendly and that I'm being a jealous nutcase..

aibu?

OP posts:
BabyMum1 · 22/04/2015 15:42

Since he's a gentleman and hasn't done anything dodgy id say enjoy it!!

I love it when women flirt with my Dh! I find it very sexy!!
U need to trust him, u won't always get to find out about women like her!

SirVixofVixHall · 22/04/2015 21:19

I'm not a stepford wife baker...I'm a greedy person who likes to eat cake, relishes any excuse to make one, and also likes to nurture our very good and very reliable tradesmen. Making a cake is a win win situation in my book. I once made them all heart shaped toasts with raspberry jam on for Valentine's day breakfast. They looked at me like this Hmm. My three year old had put the jam on so lovingly!

tanukiton · 22/04/2015 21:25

I gave the painters some beer job well done. Didnt send any emails

mooth · 22/04/2015 21:30

She's after him.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/04/2015 22:09

Beer job? ShockGrinWink

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 22/04/2015 22:10

Is that what you call it these days?Shock

Leeloo01 · 23/04/2015 01:16

This is what I hate about situations like these - the person who is being inappropriate does end up causing trouble in your relationship!

The good thing is that your DP has ignored the tea email and says that he will handle it. Has he said how he will handle it?

The bad thing is that he has got annoyed about you reading his emails and what he sees as trust issues. That is going to make it pretty hard to answer her email without it escalating into an full on argument with your DP.

It almost feels like there are two issues going on here:

  • How much you want to (quite rightly) tell her to back right off and
  • How you and your DP communicate over how this makes you feel and how he handles it.

To him it may be as simple as "she can write what she wants, to me she's just a customer" but to you it's someone on your patch. I don't know if men always realise how strongly women can feel about inappropriate stuff like this. Personally it makes me very angry but I know not everyone feels that way. I think that when someone is being inappropriate to one half of a couple then the couple should handle it together - but unfortunately my experience does not match what I think!

As your DP does not sound remotely interested in her afternoon tea parties then I am sure it will be ok but it is not fair that you should be uncomfortable. I am going to PM you.

Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 15:26

Right! Checked emails and he did fucking reply to her about the tea!! He wrote yes will do.then something about another piece of work...

She also fucking wrote to him day before yesterday asking how he is, asking about DD and telling him about her weekend, THEN put a KISS.... I replied personally, saying 'sorry, dh is very busy with work at the moment, will pass on the message, kind regards, Dogzilla

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 15:28

Oops posted too soon... I got very angry with him this morning about lying over his replying about how completely inappropriate her behaviour is.

OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseGirls · 23/04/2015 15:33

Men like to do it to 'keep the peace'Hmm twat

VelvetRose · 23/04/2015 15:35

I don't blame you! Cheeky cow and bad form on his part for replying and lying about it. It's funny, I've never been a jealous type of person but once when we were out a woman made such an obvious play for Dw, fondling her hair and saying "look at her, she's so lovely"! I stared at her and hissed "yes, I know. That's why I married her". DW thought it was hilarious!

Joyfulldeathsquad · 23/04/2015 15:42
Shock

I was just about to say she sounds like nut case and looks like she is now after your last post.

They're both taking the piss! Sounds like he is enjoying the attention she is giving him and making out your being over the top is not on.

On a side note .... Why do some women gag to start baking favourite cakes and cookies for the men folk that do work in their homes Confused

Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 15:48

Yep, it's really upset me, the flirting on her part and sneakiness on DH's. Then the fact he tried to make out I was the nutter... Twat.

OP posts:
ihatelego · 23/04/2015 15:49

this thread has made me really want cake Sad stay strong diet

Joyfulldeathsquad · 23/04/2015 15:57

What did he say dogzilla

Joyfulldeathsquad · 23/04/2015 15:58

I think I would totally act like a phyco and go stare at her through her window.

I would also forward her email to her DH Grin

Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 16:07

At first he got very defensive, I completely refused to back down, said there was absolutely no way he was going to make me feel like I'm BU here. He said he'd tell her he won't be able to do anymore work for her and later apologised for being inconsiderate...

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 16:09

Something else that is bothering me is that when he first started work there we were going through a rough patch and I had a miscarriage.

I asked if he'd told her and he says he 'doesn't think' he would have done... This has really upset me.

OP posts:
Coumarin · 23/04/2015 16:10

My eyebrow nearly left my face as I read "she put a kiss." HmmShock Not okay.

Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 16:53

I'm hoping my reply will nip this in the bud. Still unsure what to do about his behaviour in all this though.

OP posts:
Leeloo01 · 23/04/2015 16:55

I am glad you replied to her directly. I bet you she doesn't reply to your email and just slinks off into the sunset. Did you reply to the one with the "x" on? Hope so.
He probably was trying to keep the peace as someone else said (otherwise he would have been flirty with her but he wasn't) but I would be fuming with him. I must admit I would be even more mad at her as she just kept on didn't she! Obviously trying to make a business transaction go onto a different level.
Definitely more from her side than his - he had the opportunity to expand the chat but went back to talking about work. He shouldn't have said "will do" though. My gut feeling is that he just wasn't even seeing what she was doing "oh she's just a friendly person blah blah"
Makes my blood boil.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 23/04/2015 17:02

He probably did tell her to off load and she may have been asking about his family life to try and get familiar, as I'm sure he would remember telling her that.

I don't think it's a LTB offence but I wouldnt let him off the hook as he put it all on your shoulders and that's not fair.

FelicityGubbins · 23/04/2015 17:22

If it were me I would now create a Gmail address (homebuilder@) and possibly getting a cheapo mobile and assigning all business communications to them, and having full and open access to them and the ability to reply without his "permission".
I would also issue a serious warning that he is out on his arse if he ever even thinks about doing this ego stroking shit again, because that's exactly what it was....

Original poster
Dogzilla · 23/04/2015 21:24

Well we had a major falling out this eve when I asked him to give me his word nothing happened.

He brought up how friendly I was with an ex in the past and how I was being a hypocrite. He says he's insulted that I could ask such a thing.

I'm really upset with the lies, no matter how small it has shaken my trust.

He says my paranoia needs to stop Hmm ....

Maybe I should ask for his work email password?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 23/04/2015 21:26

He is protesting too much

he is projecting his own dodgy behaviour

I don't like the sound of him

never mind get his work email password, decide whether you can be with someone you clearly do not trust