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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think Dp's customer is overly 'friendly'?

127 replies

Dogzilla · 31/03/2015 12:26

DP is a builder and has been working for a young couple. The husband is never there and DP told me recently the wife wanted to bake him a cake and was asking what his favourite one was, I was a tiny bit but also thought it was a nice gesture..

We had to take an unexpected trip to family in Ireland last week and yesterday he left his emails open. There was one from her saying she was worried about him as he'd had to rush off. She'd also said she was looking forward to him getting back so he could tell her all about what had happened and that she had someone else in to fix something and baked for him but 'it just wasn't the same'..

He said she was just being friendly and that I'm being a jealous nutcase..

aibu?

OP posts:

Original poster

Dogzilla · 31/03/2015 13:26

Yes he literally called me a jealous nutcase. Or said I was behaving like one, can't remember exactly.

Believe it or not I'm not the jealous type!

OP posts:

Bellalunagirl · 31/03/2015 13:28

Makes me chuckle all this baking! Not everyone is Mary Berry but seems to feel the need to express themselves through the medium of cake. I've lost count of the amount of badly made cake I've had to eat with a smile plastered on my face. I tried saying no but you'd think I'd slapped them in the face.

Cake making seems to me to be a new passive-aggressive battleground between women with lots of sub text thrown in!

I'm sure all this goes straight over men's heads whilst they are stuffing their gobs

Psipsina · 31/03/2015 13:33

Last time we had a plumber in we ended up chucking pringles at each other in the bathroom. That was fun and involved zero cooking. He's pretty hot, but he is single.

I think it stopped him concentrating though as one of the taps turned the wrong way and the pipes were wonky.

Sandiacre · 31/03/2015 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonstrousRatbag · 31/03/2015 13:35

I gave our young roofers homemade cake every day.
In my defence I was 37 weeks pregnant and absolutely desperate for them to do a good job and finish on time.

QueenMas · 31/03/2015 13:49

I've been in a similar situation.

DP is a plumber, he came home one day and mentioned that the woman he was working for had offered him dinner and the use of her shower as he was working late (he declined).

I was surprised and teased him about how she obviously fancied him, who offers the plumber a shower?!! But he brushed it off, so oblivious..."no way, don't be silly" etc.

The next day, he went back. Knocked at the door but no answer. He had keys to the house (homeowner not always around) so let himself in. Although he THOUGHT no one was home, seeing as she didn't answer the door, he called out "anyone home" type thing when he opened the door. He continued to call out after having a quick check downstairs, and went up to the bathroom where he was working.

She FINALLY responded as he got upstairs and called him into her bedroom. She was sitting on the bed in her underwear and chatted to him about the job. She WOULD have heard the door/him calling out. She wanted him to see her undressed, didn't flinch when he walked in, happily wafted around half naked while talking to him!

Knowing him, he wouldn't have known where to look and scooted off ASAP! He was mortified and admitted I was probably right!!!

Point being, some people are bloody brazen. Apparently this sort of thing happens every so often. All that matters is your DP's reaction. Has he replied to the email? Do you trust him?

OnlyLovers · 31/03/2015 13:54

Overly friendly. Not the baking per se, but the email and saying she'd had someone else in to fix something and baked for him as well, but 'it just wasn't the same'.

I agree with the above though – the point is what your DP does about it.

squoosh · 31/03/2015 13:54

Yep. She fancies him.

FenellaFellorick · 31/03/2015 14:00

It reads like she is attracted to him.

Baking could just be what she likes to do which is fair enough but the not the same without you and the I'm worried about you and the tell me all about it and the looking forward to having you back stuff is odd. I'd feel uncomfortable with that. It's too familiar.

What matters though is not what she is saying, it's how your partner chooses to respond. That's on him.

DoJo · 31/03/2015 14:09

yesterday he left his emails open.

Do you mean that you read his emails while he was out and then confronted him about what you saw? Because I think he could be justified in accusing you of jealousy if you have been snooping through his correspondence. I also think that getting worked up over something like this when (as far as your posts go) he has given you no reason to think that he has reciprocated this flirting is something that a jealous person would do. If you trust him, then why would it bother you? If you don't, then it doesn't matter what she's saying or doing, you have problems that you need to address.

BobblesAndBells · 31/03/2015 14:09

OP YANBU

Those people who are making jokes about how they hope they don't seem overfamiliar when they make cakes for the builder are deliberately missing the point.

The email was a real red flag, and I'm sorry to say your DHs reaction would set the alarm bells ringing. She's flirting with him, for sure. He's defensive, which suggest he may be enjoying the flirting....

My DH is a tradesman, and occasionally clients make cakes for him, or give him bottles of wine. It's sweet, and definitely normal. What's not normal is the over familiar flirty email, 'Looking forward to hearing about his trip' etc is a door opener to becoming more familiar. DH has also had an occasion similar to Queen 's DP, with a client lounging on her bed in her nightwear while he (and fortunately his colleague, which she probably didn't expect, hah!) working around her in her bedroom. I think some ladies have watched too many pornos!

DH does have one client who I'm convinced fancies him. She calls and texts him regularly, ostensibly about work, but I keep mentioning that she's after him. The difference is, his reaction is totally normal - he laughs and says not to worry, she's a nightmare and he's not rich enough for her anyway (she's a 'trophy wife') so he reassures me. If he reacted like OP's DH I would definitely be suspicious.

Keep a close eye on her OP

sourdrawers · 31/03/2015 14:10

Snozberry. Yes 'literally', like words came out of his mouth - type thing...

Roseformeplease · 31/03/2015 14:14

I think baking a cake for a group of builders is quite different from doing so for one builder, and also e-mailing him! He is clearly not interested, however, but I think an unscheduled arrival at her house to see him for some reason might scare her off.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 14:21

We've had builders around twice in our house, once for 18 months so we become friendly and I have baked and handed out beer on hot days etc.

The email seems strange, but something short of outrageous - it wouldn't be my choice of words.

MistressDeeCee · 31/03/2015 14:40

I'm just at the number of posters who claim they bake cakes for builders. Why?? Is it to show off your "homely woman" qualities or some such I mean, whats wrong with tea & biscuits? & where the hell do you all find the time?

Sorry, I now have a very twee image in my head of the smiling flushed-cheeked woman coyly presenting the hardworking manly man with a cake

fgs...

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 14:42

If you bake, you have cakes around. So you offer a piece to the builders. And yes, I am flushed and smiling coyly when doing so.

Only1scoop · 31/03/2015 14:44

Yanbu

Extremely 'friendly' and odd to be emailing him with regards to her wares!!

MistressDeeCee · 31/03/2015 14:46

Having cakes around isn't the same as specifically baking a cake for the builders tho is it. I bake quite a bit, & quite well..but they aint getting my cake

DianeLockhart · 31/03/2015 14:49

Seems a bit off IMO

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 31/03/2015 14:50

Ah, I see. Yes. There is a difference.

Only1scoop · 31/03/2015 14:51

I am also seeing some simpering rosy cheeked stepford type surrounded by various cake stands banging out Vic sponges like they're ain't no tmrw for the various surrounding menfolk

MonstrousRatbag · 31/03/2015 15:04

Christ, the politics of cake.

Anyway OP, I don't think you are a jealous nutcase. The email is flirty and the whole business of contacting your husband to pass on that message is unnecessary. But of course, what the woman customer does doesn't matter really, only your husband's reaction to it matters.

Gottagetmoving · 31/03/2015 15:17

It doesn't matter how friendly the customer is or what she does. It's your husband you should be thinking about and whether you trust him.

RoosterCogburnIsInTheJakes · 31/03/2015 15:49

Our builders were here so long I knew all their cake/drinks/biscuit preferences and I would ask them if there was anything in particular they wanted if I was baking.
However, I wouldn't have emailed them in a flirty manner.

MistressDeeCee I bake anyway, I don't bake specially for the builders. If I know they are here for a week it's no bother to make extra

shoofly · 31/03/2015 15:55

I bake - I'm also trying to lose weight so the plumbers, tilers, joiner and electrician who have been here the last few weeks have been a godsend. I get to bake, they eat it. Win win - I don't send them flirty emails though

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