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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Dp's customer is overly 'friendly'?

127 replies

Dogzilla · 31/03/2015 12:26

DP is a builder and has been working for a young couple. The husband is never there and DP told me recently the wife wanted to bake him a cake and was asking what his favourite one was, I was a tiny bit but also thought it was a nice gesture..

We had to take an unexpected trip to family in Ireland last week and yesterday he left his emails open. There was one from her saying she was worried about him as he'd had to rush off. She'd also said she was looking forward to him getting back so he could tell her all about what had happened and that she had someone else in to fix something and baked for him but 'it just wasn't the same'..

He said she was just being friendly and that I'm being a jealous nutcase..

aibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Dogzilla · 21/04/2015 13:48

Anyone still there?!

OP posts:
CaTsMaMmA · 21/04/2015 14:00

make some representational gingerbread people

you, dh, her.....decorate them nicely and send them over, only send her's over with the head snapped off.

That's the next step from Seduction Baking.....MAFIA Kitchening.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 21/04/2015 14:04

Haha Catsmamma - I really want that book to exist!

Original poster
Dogzilla · 21/04/2015 14:07
Grin
OP posts:
SylvaniansAtEase · 21/04/2015 14:11

Maybe it's time for YOU to text her Grin

'Hi X, sorry we haven't been able to get back to you sooner! Cheers for the invite around for a cuppa, that's so nice of you, we would love to - let us know when you're free. Hope your radiator is ok now - I was smiling reading that but at least you had a go! Lots of love, Dogzilla'

Heh heh heh

NeedABumChange · 21/04/2015 14:12

Send him back with a cake for her, baked by you?

I would bake a cake for a builder because I have a small family and most of them are always trying to lose weight so builder would just be an excuse to bake a cake.

Are the messages flirty or could she just be really lonely and he be a rare source of human contact for her if her DH works away?

Original poster
Dogzilla · 21/04/2015 14:24

She's pretty unfriendly with local mums according to my sources, but very friendly with the dads....

OP posts:
MyballsareSandy · 21/04/2015 14:28

Def fancies him. We had builders here for months a couple of years back, I made bacon sarnies, tea/coffee/biscuits. Didn't even enter my head to bake a cake Grin.

I did email the main builder a lot, to do with the job, never over friendly ............. even though he was rather hot in his cut off jeans and bare chest on a hot day .... phew. I worked from home a lot that summer Grin.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/04/2015 14:48

Get him to say what Sylvanian pretty much said.
My wife and I would live to come!
Or get him to email back: that's great I'll take some for my wife! Cheeky cow.

Original poster
Dogzilla · 21/04/2015 15:09

It's pretty shitty, right? Or am I overreacting about it?

OP posts:
MonstrousRatbag · 21/04/2015 15:52

She's making a play for him, clearly. He needs to be equally clear about not being up for it.

OnlyLovers · 21/04/2015 15:57

You're not overreacting.

I think this was suggested way back (sorry, haven't gone back through thread), but could you legitimately get involved in the emails, in a 'Hi, I work with DH and am just dropping you a line about something innocuous and work-related but lay off my husband' kind of way?

Hissy · 21/04/2015 15:58

Your H needs to evaluate how much this work is worth vs the GRIEF he gets from you on the subject.

Can he ignore her emails and if directly asked, tell her that he's not available for months, or that he has a contract job for 6 months etc?

You wading in fighting his battles just looks daft. he has to tackle this.

Can you enlist a friend of yours as a neutral 3rd party to show him that she is overstepping the mark and get him to protect himself.

If he goes around there alone, she propostitions him and he rejects her, she could allege all sorts and he is opening himself WIDE open to assault charges or worse.

There is no money/job worth the risk of this

SirVixofVixHall · 21/04/2015 15:59

I'm another one who bakes for my builders... and is happy to find out what their favourite cake is. I'm very happily married, and now really hope that it doesn't seem like flirting!!

Sazzle41 · 21/04/2015 16:03

What CountingthePennies said. My DM worked at private boarding school and often had to peel the girls off tradesmen, literally. On the other hand a friend swore by tea & bacon sarnies to get builders to do job in timely manner. But.... she sounds clingy/needy ...

LineRunner · 21/04/2015 16:24

OP, I do think she's after him.

Those were the kinds of texts I sent my builder (aka 'The Hot Builder') a couple of years ago when I knew I fancied the arse off him.

In my defence, we were both single. We are now together Smile

But I think your instincts are right.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 21/04/2015 16:42

Right, I need to get some builders in. #single

SirVixofVixHall · 21/04/2015 17:28

I posted before I read the second email. That is rather flirty, asking him to pop in for tea. But unless your DH is responding in kind, which he sounds as though he isn't then it is a non issue surely? I'm sure my dH must get flirted with now and again.

HeyDuggee · 21/04/2015 17:43

I can't focus on the OPs problem ... I'm still open mouthed about baking a cake for builders!!!

What fresh hell is this?

If I have builders in, part of the house is on a state of chaos and there's dirt being tracked everywhere. Why the hell would I be bloody baking... Maybe a shop bought cake on the last day... I could understand, but what is this mad stepfordish attitude to baking.

DarthVadersTailor · 21/04/2015 17:43

When I used to do renovation works I had a few customers who were like this. One lady would ask which particular type of flesh I'd like in my sandwich every morning (always brought my own lunch but can never turn bacon down) and one fella I did a loft conversion for actually fired up the bbq for us and brought out a bucket of cold beer! Neither wanted to sleep with me I'm pretty sure.

The familiarity in the email is maybe a tad concerning but could easily be banter that's mistaken for something else....it's if she emails pictures that I'd then be worried!!!

Chill on it. Maybe even bake yourself so he can take this with him to the job and let her know that whatever he gets there, he gets infinitely better at home Wink

God I'm hungry now........

Leeloo01 · 21/04/2015 19:01

My sympathy - I have been in the same situation (I am also with a tradesman)

I think you can knock this on the head immediately by sending her one simple email. Reply specifically to the one where she has invited him for a cup of tea:

"Hi, just getting back to you about the work you require. My DP is very busy at the moment but we will let you know as soon as you can be fitted in. Our business is expanding so please bear with us. I will be able to reply to any of your emails ref the works in the meantime. Thanks. Dogzilla"

This will show her that you have seen her "invitation for tea" email and will also show her that any future emails she sends you will be reading.

She will be mortified and will probably vanish pretty quickly! I doubt that she will mention it to your DP.

It would be better if you could let your DP know that you wish to do this rather than do it sneakily but if you had to do it sneakily I doubt she would tell him anyway.. I imagine the problem is that he doesn't know you saw his emails?

An upfront chat with your DP would be good but from my own experience I know that can be difficult if they just think they have a friendly customer and can't see the subtext. Perhaps you could offer to help your DP with some of his paperwork/emails?!?

She will see quite clearly see your subtext though!

FelicityGubbins · 21/04/2015 19:15

Leeloo has the perfect solution there, it's what I would definitely send (also married to a tradesman) and I wouldn't mention it to him until after I had sent it, fait accompli then....

TedAndLola · 21/04/2015 19:51

I think talking to the woman is very odd. She's your partner's customer, if this is bothering you then talk to HIM and ask him to sort it out.

Original poster
Dogzilla · 22/04/2015 15:09

I told him last night that's is seen the email. He was annoyed that I'd been sneaking through his mails again... He says it feels to him like I do g trust him and that I need to let him deal with it as he sees fit....

I would love to reply to that tea email, he totally ignored it, but it would mean sneaking through his mails again...

He's making me feel like the paranoid possessive freak for reading his mails, ahem...

OP posts:
VelvetRose · 22/04/2015 15:33

You are not being paranoid, she clearly fancies him and I say that as someone who is extremely friendly myself. The issue of course is the email, well the emails I suppose! The following up, the overfamiliar conversation etc. That's crossing a boundary and she knows it.

One of my best friends is an amazing cook. She bakes for everyone, it's just her thing and everyone loves it. She's not flirty at all though.