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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

job hunting dh aibu to tell him to get his head out of his arse?

100 replies

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 19:35

my dh has been a sahd for just over a year. I have worked ft no holidays for this time. I lost my job on the 1st of march so he said he'd get a job and I could take time off and relook in sept.
1 month in no job a couple if interview but wasted 2 weeks on jobs he's not really qualified for. arggh
now he feels rusty and unsure and doesn't want his old jobs which I understand but money is running out we need someone to be working after the Easter holidays. I really don't want it to be me I'd like a break DDS at school so part of the day for me
how to I tell him to man/person up and just try? he's been avoiding calls and postponing interviews!!

OP posts:

kewtogetin · 30/03/2015 19:42

One of you needs to get a job to keep a bloody roof over your heads, does it really matter who it is?
Your children are at school and you'd like a break?! Wouldn't everyone?!
You need to get your heads out of your arses, both of you. You have children, you're supposed to be grown ups.......Jesus wept.....

CtrlAltDelicious · 30/03/2015 19:43

Exactly what kew said!

Piratespoo · 30/03/2015 19:44

And how are you going to live if no one gets a job?

msgrinch · 30/03/2015 19:46

What Kew said.

I'd like part of the day to myself, shit happens. I chose to have a child and need to provide for him.

NerrSnerr · 30/03/2015 19:46

You both need to be looking for jobs. It's real life, and in reality we don't get the chance to have a break. How are you affording to live at the moment?

wannabestressfree · 30/03/2015 19:47

Kew has it bang on. Both of you need to be working- why aren't you trying to get something?

expatinscotland · 30/03/2015 19:49

The pair of you need to be looking! How are you going to pay your mortgage? He sounds workshy. But so are you.

Buttercup27 · 30/03/2015 19:51

Couldn't have put it better myself kew

VanitasVanitatum · 30/03/2015 19:52

Have you talked to him to see if he's actually on board with getting a job and not being the stay at home parent anymore? It sounds like he's just not behind that plan, he has probably agreed to keep the peace but is hoping you will go back to work instead.

It's a hard one because if you have one person at home and one at work and you both want to be the one at home there isn't really any fair way to decide who it should be - however if he has agreed to be the WOHP for the time being then absolutely he should be making sure he gets a job to fulfil that role.

Not sure why they both have to work wanna ? If they can afford for one of them to be at home there is nothing wrong with that choice.

expatinscotland · 30/03/2015 19:54

Both certainly need to be looking since right now, no one is working.

Rebecca2014 · 30/03/2015 19:54

One of you needs to work I am afraid!!

Sucks he can't be bothered to look for a job but that is something you need have a talk about.

Original poster

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 19:54

I will and I can. I posted my CV and have applied for jobs today. I've had 5 positives from recruiters and have 3 need to be confirmed interviews for next week in the space of a day.
I'm not going to do nothing its just after the nightmare of us both working ft and relying on nanny/after school care we agreed. that 1 would work and 1 wouldn't. dh said he would work next so its his turn. that's why I'm frustrated he's one of the best technical people I've known and I work in IT so I'm just pissed off.
I was a sahm for 5 years I know how difficult it is looking for work but I still did it in a month.

OP posts:

TantrumsAndBalloons · 30/03/2015 19:55

Do you know what?
I want a fucking break as well.
I've been working full time, as has DH since dd was 6 months old.
She's now 17.
I think I will just not pay any bills, not eat etc for a few months.

Seriously. Grow up.
You have a child. I am assuming you have bills to pay, a roof to keep over your head and food to keep on the table.
How are you managing to do that with no One working and you wanting a break.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 30/03/2015 19:57

Both of you can be working surely? Why do you need a sahp if kids are at school?

expatinscotland · 30/03/2015 19:57

What does he do when the kids are at school? Is he doing all the housework?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 30/03/2015 19:59

But is neither of you are working at present how are you managing?

Original poster

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 19:59

yes he was doing shopping and cooking. cleaning was still me.

OP posts:

Original poster

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 20:01

we can manage for about another month from my last paycheck. I guess its more he promised and he's breaking it.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 30/03/2015 20:02

'cleaning was still me.'

No wonder he doesn't want to work.

PrincessOfChina · 30/03/2015 20:04

You should both be looking for jobs. I'm not quite clear why he would need to be a full time SAHP with the children in school anyway.

Fairenuff · 30/03/2015 20:05

How does anyone 'postpone' an interview?

googoodolly · 30/03/2015 20:05

What?! You quit your job while your DH was unemployed or without a steady job and now you're whining that the money is going to run out?

You know what, you're both parents with a school-age child to feed and look after. Grow up, be responsible and GET A JOB. You don't get to quit and "take a break" at the taxpayers expense

paintedfences · 30/03/2015 20:06

OP you're getting unreasonably bitter replies (hard-done by olympics, anyone?).

Yes, one of you (at least) needs to work, yes your DH is being unreasonable about moving the goalposts once you've previously agreed he should go back to work. Point out he's dragging his feet and that he can look for his next stepping stone once he's actually IN work, it needn't be forever.

Original poster

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 20:07

school is from 9-330 no after school care or breakfast club. no free childminders
I didn't quit I was sacked after taking 4 days off work over 3 weeks with a broken arm

OP posts:

Original poster

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 20:07

postpone interview- phone and reschedule

OP posts:

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