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AIBU?

job hunting dh aibu to tell him to get his head out of his arse?

100 replies

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 19:35

my dh has been a sahd for just over a year. I have worked ft no holidays for this time. I lost my job on the 1st of march so he said he'd get a job and I could take time off and relook in sept.
1 month in no job a couple if interview but wasted 2 weeks on jobs he's not really qualified for. arggh
now he feels rusty and unsure and doesn't want his old jobs which I understand but money is running out we need someone to be working after the Easter holidays. I really don't want it to be me I'd like a break DDS at school so part of the day for me
how to I tell him to man/person up and just try? he's been avoiding calls and postponing interviews!!

OP posts:

Report

toastyarmadillo · 31/03/2015 06:30

Argh need that link

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 06:59

Very difficult one. If the OP was the sahm and her dh lost her job, the the her dh said you get a job and I'll be the sahp as I need a break. I am pretty sure most people wouldn't find that ok. Maybe he isn't looking because he wants to remain the sahp. Also most people expect the working parent to do some housework too.

Personally OP, in your situation, its a case of who gets a job a first. Sounds like its going to be you. You have decided, that one of you is staying home. Being out of work for a year really can knock confidence when it comes time to go back. If you are unhappy with the amount of work he does at home. Now is the time to tell him. While you may get a job soon, I am more worried this whole situation will cause some resentment down the line.

I am a bit in the fence with this one.

PastPerfect · 31/03/2015 08:09

Can't link but was posted by SigmaFTlabyrinth

PastPerfect · 31/03/2015 08:12

Labarinth

TwoOddSocks · 31/03/2015 08:12

purple Surely it's nicer for their children to see one of their parents during the week? They get someone to help with homework, they get some time at home chatting with a parent after school, some time to chill out away from other kids. I don't think for most kids spending most of their waking time at school or with a childminder is ideal so it's hardly surprising both don't work if they don't have to.

PerpendicularVincenzo · 31/03/2015 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Letmejustsaythis · 31/03/2015 08:22

Well he's got it made hasn't he? No wonder he doesn't want to spoil his 'routine.'

Those saying poverty is not knocking on the door, have you noticed the op's username?

Op, are you in danger of losing your home?

LIZS · 31/03/2015 08:22

If he genuinely thinks he needs to review his skill set he has opportunity to do so while they are at school.otherwise you will come across the same situation in future.

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:26

I can't see any threads from that username.

Whatdoesaduckdo · 31/03/2015 08:29

A new experience for me SAHD looking for a job

This is thread title but can't get link to work

Whatdoesaduckdo · 31/03/2015 08:31

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/going_back_to_work/2343967-A-new-experience-for-me-SAHD-looking-for-a-job

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 31/03/2015 08:35

he thinks he now has a routine with the DDs so wants to keep it.

Well of course he does .

He needs to pull his weight more and cut you some slack.

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:40

Reading the other link, if that's the dh, it seems his confidence is quite low. Happens when you are out of work.

seriouslypeedoff · 31/03/2015 08:42

Also if you are earning well, but always 2 months from financial ruin. Maybe sorting out the money problems, when either of you are back at work will help overall stress.

Littlemonstersrule · 31/03/2015 08:45

Being at him when the children are at school is very indulgent and I agree a little lazy.

As you have no real cushion despite earning well, it would be wiser to have two earners especially as one only contracts.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 08:49

But the OP was a SAHM when the children were not in school. I reckon, too, she didn't leave all the cleaning for him.

A nanny would do more work.

He is taking the piss leaving you with all the cleaning.

School runs, bit of shopping, spot of cooking - I wouldn't want to go to work, either.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 08:51

Good point, too, serious. He should work so you all have some savings and so you can afford some time off, too.

pigwitch · 31/03/2015 09:03

Does your DH have depression or something ? Or is he just lazy?
Both of you should get a job and employ a nanny to do the childcare.
Honestly I would lose respect for any man who thought it was ok to sit on his backside all day living off his wife.

ChaiseLounger · 31/03/2015 09:19

He really needs to up his game doesn't he.
He needs to cut the bullshit, decide what he really wants, adjust his CV and get on with it.

He might have to take s job that he doesn't really want in the meantime. While he makes the necessary adjustments, to chase the dream job.

He needs to man up!

Patapouf · 31/03/2015 09:32

What a coincidence that your DH posted too!

Easter hols already?

fearandloathinginambridge · 31/03/2015 13:45

I am in a similar situation. My DH has been out of work for 4 years. I am not interested in taking a break I like working, all I want is for him to contribute 50/50 to the financial situation.

He has definitely lost confidence whilst being out of work and I can tell you that no amount of telling him to "step-up" (either politely and constructively or bitterly after too many gin's) has worked. In fact it seems to have eroded his confidence even more.

I don't have any suggestions whatsoever. If you can eventually get yours back to work perhaps you can tell me what to do.

redskybynight · 31/03/2015 14:12

If DH is a technical IT specialist and has been out of work for a year, his skills are out of date. To get a job in that field he will first need to effectively retrain or take a "lower" job and hope they will give him opportunities to gain experience. However great he might have been before he became a SAHD there is no way on earth that he is going to walk straight into another job in the same field. Much easier for OP to do so. I'd suggest you should both be looking with DH also looking at how he makes himself more employable.

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crimsonh · 31/03/2015 14:28

If DH is a technical IT specialist and has been out of work for a year, his skills are out of date

Not true!
I am an example - I was unemployed for 18 months after being redundant and was able to find a job in my area of speciality.
Operating systems and main technologies aren't changing THAT rapidly. Companies are adding new solutions but not at such fast speed to make our skills redundant in 12 months!

redskybynight · 31/03/2015 14:33

Well it sounds like you were lucky crimsonh. I work in IT, we've recently advertised for a range of technical positions and everyone who was shortlisted was "over qualified" for the posts. Someone who had no practical experience in the last year, would not have made the shortlist. The fact that OP's DH has not been snapped up suggests that jobs are not overflowing in their area (geographical) and he will have to have more on his CV than experience from a year ago.

crimsonh · 31/03/2015 16:05

He said he was rusty and feels that he embarrassed himself - I read it as "I went for an interview without revising much, they asked me technical questions based on what I listed in my CV and I was unable to answer them".

I think you are highlighting shortage of jobs at certain level in your area and not the fact that someone's skills are out of date.

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