job hunting dh aibu to tell him to get his head out of his arse?

[abouttobeevicted]

my dh has been a sahd for just over a year. I have worked ft no holidays for this time. I lost my job on the 1st of march so he said he'd get a job and I could take time off and relook in sept.
1 month in no job a couple if interview but wasted 2 weeks on jobs he's not really qualified for. arggh
now he feels rusty and unsure and doesn't want his old jobs which I understand but money is running out we need someone to be working after the Easter holidays. I really don't want it to be me I'd like a break DDS at school so part of the day for me
how to I tell him to man/person up and just try? he's been avoiding calls and postponing interviews!!

[abouttobeevicted]

thank you painted faces
I never said I'm expecting to do this at the tax payers expense! especially as I pay over 40% tax but a deal is a deal ?

[TiggieBoo]

Why is everyone having a go at OP? She lost her job, her DH agreed it's his turn to be the breadwinner and now he's not doing anything about it and still leaving it to her to get a job.

You have to have a clear discussion, is he going to pull his finger out or not. At least you'll know where you are.

[Fairenuff]

But surely they will just go ahead and interview the other candidates and offer the job to someone else? Not many prospective employers will let candidates dictate the interview date.

[Metalguru]

Wow what a lot of bitter responses! OP there us nothing wrong with you taking it in turns to be the sahp in theory, but it needs to be better thought out as it doesn't seem to be working out for you. Good luck

[fourteen]

You're DH is being unreasonable here - changing the goalposts after you've already agreed he'll actively look for work isn't on.

However, whilst you're arguing the toss the rent stills needs paying. Is it worth having a discussion about what exactly he's worried about? If he's lost his confidence can the job centre help him?

Posters having a go at him for being a sahd with school age kids isn't on. If he was a sahm they'd be baying for blood on here if someone suggested it was lazy and the mum should work!

[paintedfences]

Fairenuff lots will if they're looking for a particular person (specialised, senior etc), which seems to be the case here.

[Inertia]

Hang on - can you be sacked for having a broken arm? That doesn't sound fair!

Could you put yourself forward as a job-share partnership, or do you work in different areas of IT?

[Fairenuff]

If that was the case he wouldn't have any trouble getting a job though painted, if he is so sought after.

[wannabestressfree]

I didn't say both HAD to work but jeez it would be nice if someone did.
Also if your in a situation where you are paying large amount of tax and hiring nannies I am rather shocked you would be sacked for having time off due to a broken arm.
It doesn't add up.
The time for haggling over which is the most work shy isn't now. One of you just needs a job.....

[tethersend]

Why isn't the OP allowed to want a break?

[LIZS]

You both need to be looking. Whoever gets a job first can relieve the immediate pressure but shouldn't stop the other continuing to look. Bear in kind it could be at least 4 weeks before you would get paid after starting too. Sorry but in your situation being around during the schoolday isn't something you can readily afford and iirc you had a thread the other day which concluded similar. There is always childcare in some shape or form , our ymca runs one which collects and you can book as and when for example. Look for a cm who drops and collects from school just in case.

[TwoOddSocks]

It's a bit ridiculous that OP's getting a bashing here. They don't have to both work, since clearly they've been managing fine with one income and unless they can work part time, or are happy to not see their kids mid week it makes more sense to have only one person in work.

The point is that her DH agreed to work but isn't sticking to it by applying to jobs he could realistically get. That said I sympathise with him to an extent (unless he's just being a lazy ass). I'm pretty well qualified but after a few years out raising my son I'm incredibly nervous about returning to work and it'd be worse if it happened suddenly when I wasn't expecting it.

[wannabestressfree]

Of course she is allowed a break its just maybe not the right time when poverty is banging on the door!

[LineRunner]

Sue the buggers for sacking you.

[TwoOddSocks]

Also I'm sure the OP knows that the mortgage has to be paid and has a plan in place for paying it, she's already said she's looking for work too and I guess if she gets a job first she'll take it. She just feels annoyed that by her DH not putting his all into job hunting he's effectively made it inevitable that she'll be the one to return to work, which isn't what they agreed.

YANBU to be annoyed but it's hard to judge without knowing your DP and whether he's genuinely anxious (in which case positive encouragement is probably best) or just being a lazy git (in which case a kick up the ass is in order).

[KittensOnAPlane]

bloody hell - the OP wants a sodding break, which she can get if DH gets a frickin job

stop having a go at her

[expatinscotland]

So he's doing a spot of shopping and a bit of cooking and leaving all the cleaning to you.

He's onto a nice one.

[tethersend]

"Of course she is allowed a break its just maybe not the right time when poverty is banging on the door!"

Isn't that part of why she's pissed off? It was her turn for a break, and her DH isn't putting effort into finding a job so she can have one.

[Stripyhoglets]

Your DH IBU. And if it does end up being you gets the job, at least get him to start doing the flipping cleaning as well.

[TwoOddSocks]

Also who said poverty was banging on the door? From the sounds of it they're not in a desperate financial situation but do need one person in employment. Reading between the lines OP thinks it should be easily possible for either one of them to get a job in time to avoid serious consequences, the problem is her husband isn't doing what needs to be done to get the kind of job he's qualified for.

[FirstWeTakeManhattan]

Mumsnet is so weird. Post on another day and the replies would have been LTuselessB and poor you, OP, of course you need a break.

I'm sure sometimes people get their opinions swung by the thread replies and just enjoy hammering the hive message home.

[abouttobeevicted]

thank you everyone lately!

I'm just frustrated. when I went back to work and a career change into IT from teaching 4 years ago he kept telling me make sure you're registered for them to search keep up to date on LinkedIn etc. we had a chat earlier and he hasnt done these things. since I started this tread I've applied for 5 jobs direct on LinkedIn and saved 10 more to look at tomorrow and apply on company websites.
childminders there are 4 at the school and they are full. no one near me picks up from school.

[Littlemonstersrule]

Why does the OP need a break? It's not like she is close to retirement.

Both should be looking for work, whoever gets full time first should start but there's no reason the other can't assist too financially. If the children are in school there's no reason to be home in the day.

[expatinscotland]

He doesn't pull his weight. He's just doing the school run, shopping and cooking. That's FA with the kids in school.