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AIBU?

job hunting dh aibu to tell him to get his head out of his arse?

100 replies

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 19:35

my dh has been a sahd for just over a year. I have worked ft no holidays for this time. I lost my job on the 1st of march so he said he'd get a job and I could take time off and relook in sept.
1 month in no job a couple if interview but wasted 2 weeks on jobs he's not really qualified for. arggh
now he feels rusty and unsure and doesn't want his old jobs which I understand but money is running out we need someone to be working after the Easter holidays. I really don't want it to be me I'd like a break DDS at school so part of the day for me
how to I tell him to man/person up and just try? he's been avoiding calls and postponing interviews!!

OP posts:

Report

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 30/03/2015 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fourteen · 30/03/2015 21:19

Could you both work part time?

VanitasVanitatum · 30/03/2015 21:27

Problem with that little is that obviously OP would get one first as she is actually trying - he is not playing fair, why should she have to accept that? If they agreed it was her turn at the favoured role then he should stick to that.

crimsonh · 30/03/2015 21:32

Very few part-time jobs in IT fourteen.

IMHO now is best time to look for a job in IT (hence OP finding jobs via Linkedin).

Has he even updated his CV yet?

Try Glassdoor and stackoverflow as well.

look at wfh.io for remote jobs

CalleighDoodle · 30/03/2015 21:35

Personally, id be VERY CLEAR with my expectations of what a SAHP should achieve each day. It is not time to doss around. If he thinks crap my easy life is over he might out a bit more effort in

PurpleSwift · 30/03/2015 21:49

I still don't understand why you can't both work? You'd still be earning more even with paying for wrap around care?

Justanotherlurker · 30/03/2015 21:54

Why isn't the OP allowed to want a break? confused

Reverse thos roles and then ask the question again.

If he is so wanted in IT he would have a job by now, many areas are so sparse that taking on someone with a couple years out would still be snapped up, they would have to accept a reduction in value for a couple of months though, depending on the expertise in IT there is a short term issue that is due to be flooded within the next 2 years that he will potentially miss the boat.

desperatedino66 · 30/03/2015 22:01

Those of you suggesting someone should work when kids are at school all day - The job I want at two days a week finishes at 5.30. There is no after school club, I have no family near or friends, there are no childminders with vacancies for an 8 year old, I have tried endlessly, very few childminders will take a child for a couple of hours a week.

What do others do for childcare for school aged children? I really want his job!

OP I think you are getting a hard deal here, but he should be doing most of the housework if he is a SAHP.

Good luck!

crimsonh · 30/03/2015 22:02

just curious Justanotherlurker - who is going to flood the IT market in 2 years time?

Icimoi · 30/03/2015 22:04

Of course your dh ibu. Are you both in the same field? If you can find so many jobs to apply for, clearly he can. IT is the sort of thing you can do from home, as well.

But it does sound as if you have a good case for wrongful dismissal from your old job. Had you been there long enough to bring a claim?

Justanotherlurker · 30/03/2015 22:15

well personally speaking, you have the recent uptick in CS grads that are due to enter the market now that it costs to go to uni, if that doesn't fill the void then we are going to follow other multinationals and farm out the majority to India which will potentially drive down quality, but most importantly will reduce costs and reduce wages.

ToBeeOrNot · 30/03/2015 22:16

OP is a contractor, as such there is no sacking/no wrongful dismissal.

abouttobeevicted · 30/03/2015 22:35

thanks for all the posts. we had a long chat now and I will be looking for another job. dh is good at lots of things and excellent at 2 but doesnt want to apply for jobs in these 2. he thinks he now has a routine with the DDs so wants to keep it. I'll go for jobs, I've had a month off.
maybe I need to get a perm job with holiday pay as i havent had any holidays since I started working as a contractor, I had my appendix out last year and only took 1 day off as it happened on the friday was back at work on the monday.

OP posts:

pillowaddict · 31/03/2015 00:34

So...He gets to not work because he doesn't want to, but you don't have that option in your relationship and have to support the family? That doesn't seem at all fair and I would not be happy to leave it at that. If he gets a job too you have far less pressure on you with only one salary coming in. Also it seems he is just after an easy time!

TendonQueen · 31/03/2015 00:57

I think you should both be applying for jobs, as that way whoever gets one first can take it and you're not putting all your eggs in one basket. But if he does end up staying at home, tell him the cleaning needs to be built into his routine.

Fairenuff · 31/03/2015 00:59

At least get him to take on 50% of the cleaning then OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/03/2015 01:16

Is he going to do the cleaning now?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 31/03/2015 01:31

Sounds like he doesn't want to give up his cushy life of shopping, school runs and leisure time.

Patapouf · 31/03/2015 01:52

Why is your NN about to be evicted?

Not sure why you think you need a break when you were a SAHM for 5 years, your DH has only done it for 1 and yet he has to pull his finger out so you can have your turn

If you're earning that much you can find a nanny. Or One of you could be working PT to fit around school pick ups.

textfan · 31/03/2015 04:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PastPerfect · 31/03/2015 04:40

Your DH has already posted his side of this story - can't link cos on phone - were you aware of that?

toastyarmadillo · 31/03/2015 06:11

Ooh where's the other thread, could someone li know for me or tell me the title, thanks

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toastyarmadillo · 31/03/2015 06:12

Link for me even

echt · 31/03/2015 06:15

Come on. What's the DH's thread called?

echt · 31/03/2015 06:17

Sorry, should say that Australianly:

CARN!!!!!

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