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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terrified of telling DH I've damaged the car?

125 replies

mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 16:59

I've recently learned to drive and DH very kindly got me a new car. Today I scraped the front of it when parking. It's a huge scape at the front. I'm gutted. Not only has it really knocked my confidence , I'm terrified of telling DH. He is a fantastic, confident driver and will not understand how this happened. He will be very annoyed. I already feel dreadful and stupid. I'm half tempted to not tell him and hope he doesn't notice but I know he will.

I am a grown women and I've just made a foolish mistake, AIBU to feel so nervous/terrified about telling DH. I also know he will tell all his friends, work colleagues and family and I will be very embarrassed.

Also, does anyone have any similar stories of damaging their cars so maybe I don't feel so stupid?

OP posts:

MaryBerrysLostCherry · 29/03/2015 21:12

I drove without incident for 15 years. Within 6 months of having DD I reversed into our bin ripping of passenger side mirror and scraping life out of side of car, got jumped at by a pillar in a multi storey and reversed at speed into DHs car, twice. Twice. Nothing since. Silent reflux is a killer.

MaryBerrysLostCherry · 29/03/2015 21:13

Oh, and DH never told anyone about the running into his car twice. And said nothing beyond FFS, again. He's a star.

seekingthesun · 29/03/2015 21:35

Don't feel bad, OP. I had a minor accident about a month after I passed my test. I started my car, turned to wave to my parents (why?) and crashed smack into my neighbour's parked car. I then had to knock on their door and wake them all up (it was 6.30am) to explain, crying hysterically all the while. They were unbelievably lovely and sympathetic about it, though

As they said, it's only metal and can easily be fixed. And I have to say, that crash has definitely made me a better driver six months on.

ArgentinianMalbec · 29/03/2015 22:00

What!!!! I scratched our car the other week in Sainsbury's car park. On a bollard. There is a dent and some scratched that will probably t-cut. The other day I thought I could fit through a gap I couldn't and scraped someone else's car. Oops. It was v small but I left a note and ate my lunch in the car in case they came back so I could apologise. They didn't and haven't yet rang. I told DP and he just laughed at me. It's just a car you didn't do it on purpose. It might cost a bit to repair but no major harm done eh. I've been driving for 13 years (but have recently got a massive car!!!!)

AnnieMoor · 29/03/2015 22:49

I'm glad he had a reasonable reaction after all!

I once cleaved the side out of my dh's very posh brand new car on a gate post. We hadn't lived here long and I was not used to the slightly narrow drive, nor driving his massive car.

He bought me flowers because I was upset!

gonegrey56 · 29/03/2015 22:59

Glad he was fine about it!
Many years ago, I crashed into another car whilst driving to meet my new boyfriend . I immediately admitted to the other driver that I was at fault. He was so angry that I tearfully rang the boyfriend to come and help me out. He did , made the man apologise, agree not to make a claim against me, and even give back the bits of my car left embedded in his!
Reader, I married him (the boyfriend!)....

LesleyKnopeFan · 29/03/2015 22:59

20 years driving experience, 6 different cars, big and small and I've pranged them all. The joke is I've just bought my first car with parking sensors and I've recently scraped the whole of the front bumper.

Feels good to share.

Hope this makes you feel better OP.

madasa · 29/03/2015 23:06

I left the handbrake off in a supermarket car park and it rolled out of the space narrowly missing another car.

I was that person whose number plate was read out over the tannoy.

Accidents happen.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/03/2015 23:09

Jesus it's a car. It's a bump. It's no big deal. I've been driving for 12 years and still have mishaps like this

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 23:22

DS2's(18) friend ran into his car in the college car park. She was really upset,but she did the tiniest bit if damage. It's mostly gone now it's been t-cut and DH is going to spray the rest out when the weather gets better. DS2 just laughed and called her a silly mare, he knows accidents happen and that's why you have insurance.

TheCatsFlaps · 30/03/2015 00:09

On three occasions I've clipped wing mirrors, except one of those occasions was a line of about ten or eleven parked cars.

I've rear-ended someone who moved and then slammed the breaks on.

I got stopped and cautioned for road rage and careless driving when a white van cut me up on the bypass and flipped me off. I didn't see the police car about 500 yards behind me.

I drove into a roundabout rather than hit a gull and on another occasion I drove down a farm track and had to be towed by a tractor after getting stuck in a rut.

The good news is that I did all of this within three months of passing my test. It is only natural that some mistakes are fuck-ups whilst others are clusterfucks.

partialderivative · 30/03/2015 00:14

He has done nothing yet, and already people are calling him a knob!

Hippychick73 · 30/03/2015 01:37

Not exactly a driving accident but in a fit of rage I kicked my husband week old Mercedes AMG

Absolute piece of shit - the door crumpled like an apple pie , I was only wearing croc flip flops and did an impressive Bruce Lee Kung Fu style Kick
So would hate to have been in a real accident with it

My son crashed his car recently just bumped into another car and needed £1200 worth of repairs

Bumps and scrapes are part of learning to drive

tallwivglasses · 30/03/2015 02:01

So you know already he'll rip the piss out of you to his friends. That makes him a pathetic git. You seem more scared though of something else?

tallwivglasses · 30/03/2015 02:06

ah sorry, missed the update. All good

SilverBlur · 30/03/2015 02:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ComposHatComesBack · 30/03/2015 03:43

Given that the husband's reaction was entirely reasonable, it seems there's been a lot of projecting going on. He was painted as some sort of misogynistic wanker before the op had even told her husband about the accident and gauged his reaction.

Whilst it is utterly wrong to make someone feel belittled or in fear, I don't think it is out of order to express a degree of disgruntlement when something is damaged that will cost large amounts of family money to repair and will have an ongoing impact on insurance premiums and caused by sheer carelessness (ie whacking bollards, scraping another person's car).

Obviously it would be different if it was a serious accident where the first concern is the safety and well-being of all those involved, but I'd say in that situation above a bit of of low-level grumbling is just about par for the course and not the sign of an abusive relationship.

Branleuse · 30/03/2015 10:45

What you need to do OP when youve got something like that to own up to, is go in on the offensive first.
When i bumped my car, i made sure i started the conversation with "you know that time you managed to roll your car 3 monthsafter passing your test - yeswell i just reversed a bit into a low wall and dented the rear"

Actually my mum was more pissed off with me about it than dp was, and she still often asks me to get all the dents and bumps in my car repaired. I dont see the point. They serve as excellent warning to people to give me a wide berth

SilentCharisma · 30/03/2015 11:13

Everyone, no matter how good a driver, has a scrape at some point.

You have even more excuse being a new driver.

As my parent's always used to say, it's only a car, it's not the end of the world. Whether brand new off the forecourt or a 20 year old banger, a car is a car. Stop worrying about it.

I would however be concerned that I was in a relationship that I'd be terrified of owning up to it. I'd more likely want someone to commiserate with me over my scrape, not get angry about it. It's your car, not his.

5446 · 30/03/2015 11:26

Please get back in the car and don't follow my example of scratching the car on a wall and then not driving again for 6 years!!

We have now moved to a place where I desperately need to drive. DP has bought a second hand car, keeps insisting that he does not care if I trash it and is very encouraging about getting me behind the wheel.

I am still shitting it though!

PlantCurtain · 30/03/2015 11:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lilmissconcerned · 30/03/2015 22:37

Can see the worry with the fact it's a brand new car... Think own daft fault for buying you a brand new car - cause let's face it scrapes with walls posts etc will happen when you first start driving ( I assume if it was another vehicle you did the right and honest thing??)

Just go get it fixed simple... Be couple hundred quid max from how you describe - else collect a few and get them sorted all at once, once you stop catching it on stuff xxx

He'll be upset who wouldn't ( you are for a start ) but as long as you go with a solution there's no issue its only metal xxxx

Lilmissconcerned · 30/03/2015 22:59

Wish I hasnt read back on this thread... I'm gonna be forever worried about a random misjudging a space and taking off my wing mirror or denting my car...

Why if some of you are so bad at parking do you insist on parking near other people's cars?! I have always parked far away or high up on multi story initially so I didn't hit anyone's car when I was learning (not to stay I didn't scrape a post) ... Now to avoid bad parkers , people who buy bigger cars then they are able to drive and door dingers...

Overprotective maybe but cars cost at of fxcking money !

CalicoBlue · 30/03/2015 23:09

When DS was 7 weeks old he was in hospital, pyloric stenosys, I did not sleep for a week.

When we got home, DH asked me to reverse the car so it was nearer his motorbike. I did what he asked, he was still on the bike, I managed to drive the car into him and pinned his leg between the motorbike and the car. When I heard the shouting I got out to see what was wrong, he was screaming at me to move the car back. In my sleep deprived state I started trying to push the car away from him. "get it and move it you &&&!!!, agh" He was fine, but never let me forget it.

TheFirstOfHerName · 31/03/2015 07:53

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