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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terrified of telling DH I've damaged the car?

125 replies

mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 16:59

I've recently learned to drive and DH very kindly got me a new car. Today I scraped the front of it when parking. It's a huge scape at the front. I'm gutted. Not only has it really knocked my confidence , I'm terrified of telling DH. He is a fantastic, confident driver and will not understand how this happened. He will be very annoyed. I already feel dreadful and stupid. I'm half tempted to not tell him and hope he doesn't notice but I know he will.

I am a grown women and I've just made a foolish mistake, AIBU to feel so nervous/terrified about telling DH. I also know he will tell all his friends, work colleagues and family and I will be very embarrassed.

Also, does anyone have any similar stories of damaging their cars so maybe I don't feel so stupid?

OP posts:

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 29/03/2015 18:37

There are four adults in this house, we have all been newly qualified drivers at some point and every single one of us have had a minor scrape in the car. I managed to start up in first gear and take out the rear end of my friend's car in front of me. DH managed to end up sitting on a bit of grass on a petrol forecourt when he underestimated the the distance he needed to get from lane 3 of a dual carriageway to the slip road for the service station. DD lost a front bumper in a minor collision at a junction and DS ended up sitting in a field when he took a bend too quickly.

Every new driver I have met has had at least one incident that a more experienced driver would've avoided. I think that learning to drive teaches you how to make a car go but the actual skill of driving isn't learned until you pass your test and get out there on your own.

If your DH belittles you or makes you feel stupid because you dented and scraped a lump of metal and plastic then he needs a good slap with a soggy kipper.

weeblueberry · 29/03/2015 18:38

Has he truly never had a scrape in all the years he's been driving? For all you know this is the one knock you'll ever have. I find it hard to believe he's not done something similar just after he passed.

Also I reversed into a square post in a multi story right after I got my first new (to me - was actually ancient) car. It left a huge white line of a dent right down the middle of the back bumper. I told mum it was a line of bird poo and she claimed to believe me for years. It wasn't til after we traded it in that I came clean - she just laughed and asked if I thought she was daft. She just didn't want to embarrass me more by saying she knew I'd knocked it.

CarBumper · 29/03/2015 18:38

Dp bought me a car for my 30th birthday. We picked it up the day before and drove it home, all good. The next day (my actual birthday) I drove ds to school, came back and hit next doors car. I was devastated. Thought dp would go ape shit but he was fine, glad no one was hurt.
Btw, I'd been driving for 10 years so no excuse really!

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 29/03/2015 18:39

Another vote for 'don't tell him'!

I paid a lot of money to get my car resprayed. On getting it home the first thing I did was back it into the telegraph pole. Which has been there all the time I have had the house.

Cars don't like to be too shiny. They like a few scars!

EveBoswell · 29/03/2015 18:49

MostlyConfused

I can add my story and hope it helps. My Ex had bought a band new car and he'd had it for 2 days. I used it to do a school run in the morning and carried four strapping teenagers (two were a neighbour's) - all 16 or 17 and three were boys. I was on a road approaching a roundabout leading to a motorway and stopped at the front of a queue (no traffic lights), waiting for a gap in the traffic coming from the right. The car behind me crashed into the back of my Ex's car because the driver had seen a gap. Yes, I saw the gap but with a load of weight in the car thought I would not be able to make a fast getaway so stayed still.

I got the DCs to school and dreaded having to tell my Ex about it and wondering how I was going to tell him how his brand new car had been badly damaged. As it happened he was OK about it to my amazement.

Solo · 29/03/2015 18:51

I'd try to look very pleased with myself and tell him under no circumstances is it to be fixed as it is your badge of honour!

As others have said; it happens to everyone.

One of my best friends passed her test and took me down to the chippy in the family car (nothing special, but nothing wrong with it either) which her Dad had sold to them very cheaply when he upgraded.

She did a sort of 3 point turn and knocked the back of the car wing into a flint wall. She didn't mention it to her Dh and when he saw it, she 'knew nothing about it'. He walked up and down their road looking for the 'culprit' he should have been looking half a mile away. To this day he doesn't know how the scrape got there!

Original poster

mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 19:11

I think I've been very unfair in DH. As I said above , terrified was the wrong word to use dreading would be more accurate.

So I told him. He just rolled his eyes and went out to look. Came back in and said it wasn't as bad as he thought it was going to be. That was it! I've also asked him not yo tell anyone and he had agreed. I was obviously just over reacting and projecting my own feelings and reactions to it onto him and assuming he would feel the same as I did ( angry, annoyed, disappointed, embarrassed ). He didn't seem to care to much, or I'd he did, hide it well x

OP posts:

cathpip · 29/03/2015 19:16

I'm glad op, if it helps I wrote my dh's car off with mine :) (I drove into the back of him) will don't talk about that expensive little mishap!

Original poster

mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 19:16

Thanks again for sharing all your stories. It has made me feel much better. I wonder what else I'll do in the next few years!

OP posts:

Solo · 29/03/2015 19:19

Yay!

OrlandoWoolf · 29/03/2015 19:20

Glad it's ok.

My Dad has been at the other end of your story - except he was driving with his mum, aunt, my mum and us in the car. He went into the back of a car whilst we were in a queue watching the lights at Blackpool.

He was not allowed to forget that.

ChrisMooseAlbanians · 29/03/2015 19:22

My 80-something-year-old-Alzheimers-sufferer Grandad once had to push me out of their drive. I got stuck on a brick wall. My car looked bloody awful and I was gutted!

BikketBikketBikket · 29/03/2015 19:25

Two weeks after passing my test, I drove our new car (the only brand new one that we'd ever been able to afford) through the front wall - it didn't do either wall or car much good...
My DH saw it happen, rushed out, opened my door and said 'Are you all right?' - we've parted since then, but I will always remember that he was concerned about ME, not the car...!

RandomMess · 29/03/2015 19:27

Glad it went well. Please talk to your DH about how you were and are feeling, he needs to know how anxious you can be about things so he can support you.

butterfly2015 · 29/03/2015 19:32

I've been driving for 26 years but still managed to total my car a few weeks ago. Total write off. Rang dp and told him and all he wanted to know was that I was ok. I was although very shaken. We had to claim on the insurance and get another car and ended up about £500 out of pocket which we really can't afford but it's a car. It's just a bloody car!

Maybe we are more appreciative of the fact that things can be fixed or replaced but people can't because he nearly died in an accident 15 months ago and it was a stark lesson in life being incredibly precarious.

If your dh kicks off about a scratch on a car then he's being a dick of the highest order.

lastjaffacake · 29/03/2015 19:42

A few weeks after passing my test I scraped my car on a bollard reversing out of a parking space. My bumper got stuck on the aforementioned bollard and ended up being ripped off completely. I felt a right tit driving home on the motorway at 50 mph with my bumper lying across my back seat. Got the car fixed and then a few weeks later I was on a training course for work and reversed into parked car in the car park. I had to go back into the building where the course was being held, tell the receptionist what I'd done and ask her to locate the owner of the other car for me. She had to drag this woman out of some high-powered business meeting so I could tell her I'd scratched her Mercedes. She looked like she was raging when she initially came marching down the corridor but when she saw I was clearly about to burst into tears she ended up putting her arm around me and saying "don't worry love, we've all done it". DH was lovely both times. He may have been secretly cursing me when we got the bill for the repairs but he didn't let on if he was. Looking back I do remember being nervous about telling him but only because I was embarrassed, not because I was scared of his reaction. If your DH really does sulk, have a go at you, tell everyone etc. then that sounds very childish and I'd struggle not to throw it in his face next time he makes a mistake.

sykadelic · 29/03/2015 20:04

"Terrified" not in that he'd do or say anything mean but because I was dreadfully embarrassed, ashamed etc etc. He too says "it happens to everyone" but I have high expectations of myself not being an idiot and it's hard not to feel like one sometimes (you guys saw my list!!)

ValancyJane · 29/03/2015 20:22

Just to share my story, I passed my test when I was 21, and shared a car with my then boyfriend. On the second week of driving the car to/from work, I was parking and tried to straighten up, and was really struggling as the car wouldn't go forward. I was getting odd looks from my boss who was in the car park - turned out I was repeatedly reversing into the wall! Pretended not to notice the marks until my boyfriend did, and then blamed it on a hedge. The real issue (though I didn't see it them) was that he was a twat who would have overreacted and shouted at me over it.

It happens to everyone, and the main thing is that you're okay :)

FuckingLiability · 29/03/2015 20:36

The trick is to learn from the silly accidents and not keep having them. Some people think it's fine to have constant dings and 'oops, aren't we silly but it's only a car'.

Mostly, unless you have a banger, it's not only a car. If it's newish and/or nice, it costs money to repair.

HellRunner · 29/03/2015 20:40

OP. I reversed my car into my husbands car whilst he was in it! He wasn't overly chuffed but these things happen. We joke about it.

Flambola · 29/03/2015 20:41

Some of you sound like pretty shit drivers.

justonemoretime2p · 29/03/2015 20:43

I got a new car and gave my old one to DP she crashed it on the first day it was officially hers (she had driven it before) she was fine and I used it as an excuse to go to the pub for an hour.
I crashed my new car in to a giant tree right next to the pub, the tree was fine.

HagOtheNorth · 29/03/2015 20:45

I think we're being honest. Unlike many who are shit because they speed or D&D but bluster about it.
Those of us bad at reversing got better with practise, tell me that is the same with a driver who speeds. That they learn not to, and to keep the law?

FuckingLiability · 29/03/2015 20:48

I'd actually love to understand the thought processes around driving between women and men.

Whatthefucknameisntalreadytake · 29/03/2015 21:00

Within two weeks of passing my test I had reversed into my dp's very expensive, very precious car. I didn't cause that much damage as was going v slowly so just bumped it but I dreaded telling him too, and he was lovely about it too.
Also after I'd had my car for four days I got stuck in a car park and couldn't get out and scrapped my car all down the wing mirror.
Flambola of ocurse new drivers get things wrong, bit wierd to think everyone who passes their test is immediately going to be able to perfectly do manoeuvres, judge distances etc without making any errors!

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