To be terrified of telling DH I've damaged the car?

[mostlyconfused]

I've recently learned to drive and DH very kindly got me a new car. Today I scraped the front of it when parking. It's a huge scape at the front. I'm gutted. Not only has it really knocked my confidence , I'm terrified of telling DH. He is a fantastic, confident driver and will not understand how this happened. He will be very annoyed. I already feel dreadful and stupid. I'm half tempted to not tell him and hope he doesn't notice but I know he will.

I am a grown women and I've just made a foolish mistake, AIBU to feel so nervous/terrified about telling DH. I also know he will tell all his friends, work colleagues and family and I will be very embarrassed.

Also, does anyone have any similar stories of damaging their cars so maybe I don't feel so stupid?

We've all done it, mostly, don't feel bad! I had two accidents while driving DH's car. Neither of them were my fault but I still felt bad because he's quite... erm... protective of his cars.

It happens when you're a new driver - when I first passed my test I got my car stuck on a pillar in a car park, reversed into a lamp post and scraped another car in a car park. Infuriating but part of getting better as a driver.

It's not that he'll threaten to humiliate me by telling everyone, he'll just happen to mention it in conversation without thinking about how it. I'd rather keep it a secret and take it to my death bed with me!

It is quite normal!

I reversed my car into a parked car a week after getting my license (and first car) aged 32!

I rang all the doorbells in the street to find out who's car I had dented, the owner then came out and was so touched by my insistence on telling them in person, and offering to pay the damage she would not let me pay.

We hugged

I went back after she and fixed the car and said I wanted to pay, but she said not to worry.

It si all part and parcel of learning to drive. You can only become a confident driver if you get out there and just do it

Your DH should hopefully understand this as well!

I felt like an idiot, a child, both times. Like I had to confess something. When I ripped the car door off I was shitting myself. Rang DH immediately to get it over with. Not confessing, but is needed to share it and tell him. He kept saying 'we'll take it to the local garage' and I was saying, 'no, you don't understand, the door is lying on the floor' !!!

At the end of the day, insurance exists because we are human and make mistakes. No one died. Your DH should understand that. You are not a child. You don't need to confess.

When I mis-fuelled my car last year I dreaded telling DH because I knew I'd encounter an extended period of piss taking.

You shouldn't be scared.

We've all been there OP, including your DP! You weren't speeding, you weren't drink driving, you didn't knock anyone down, you didn't hit an animal. Time to forgive yourself. And if DP give you so hard time, tell him to grow up and get some perspective.

I have been driving for 23 years and last year we bought FIL's old car off him. It was in mint condition and he droned on for ages about how we had to look after it, how much he loved the car, and to drive carefully. Within a month of having it I was driving out of the car park at work which is a really tight right turn. I misjudged it and caught the back wheel arch on the post, left a lovely scrape and dent just above the back wheel.

DP wasnt bothered but was worried about telling his dad, so being the child that i am I wouldnt let DP t-cut it out for a month as my "fuck you" to FIL. It is MY car, I paid for it and I will pay to have it fixed.

I've been driving for over 10 years and recently reversed DP's car into a wall, because of the angle I hit the corner of the wall and put a crack in the bumper. The ironic thing is I have a huge 4x4 and have never hit anything, he has a corsa which I just can't park

I felt sick at the thought of telling him and was actually shaking by the time I got home, I have no idea why as DP is the easiest going person I know, he's reaction was exactly what I should have expected he just said ok it can be fixed, I burst into tears and he really didn't understand why I was so upset and to be honest neither do I.

I'm sure it won't be as bad as your expecting.

I scraped along a parked car a few years back as a newish driver, my partner is also one of those "fantastic confident drivers", he was not happy as I was on his insurance and I ruined his no claims thingy, he was a bit self righteous when I told him, but I was angry with myself and my confidence was knocked, so I just told him to F off, I felt bad enough.

Cars can be fixed, people can't so easily. Your husband should simply be relieved nobody was injured.

I recall reversing my mum's car into a concrete bollard a few months after passing my test. It was just a tap and didn't leave a mark even, so I didn't even own up to it until a couple of years later.

I then had 27 years of accident free driving which came to a juddering end when someone pulled out of a side road at point blank range in front of me, leaving me nowhere to go but into them, writing off my car and I think hers too in the process.

It is a very lucky driver indeed who never has anything happen, ever.

I hope your husband is more forgiving than you think he will be. If he thinks that nothing like that could ever happen to him then he is deluded.

It's your car - why do you need to tell him? Just get it fixed. You don't need his permission

Loveableshoulder - that might be my trick! I don't know what is do it I took the door off. I think I would ran away!

Unless you were drunk or under the influence of something else, you've got no reason to feel guilty or stupid or anything other than 'Oh Bother'
Yes, of course I have a long list of accidents that have happened to my car, DS still remembers the crunch as I reversed slowly into a welsh stone wall that was a lot thicker at the base than at the top. My wingmirror hasnever looked the same since our visit to Devon either.
But that's what learners do, misjudge things and get things wrong. TBH your post sounds more like a teenager who has dented his parent's car.
Is your DH perfect across the board? Talented and able at everything he turns his hand to? Do you mock him and tell stories about his mistakes that make others laugh?
It's your car, not his. You are an adult who should have a supportive partner.
Does he know that you think of him as an ogre? Have you told him how having the accident came second to your fear of having to tell him?
Because if he knows and he's not trying to stop being an arse, he should.

Everyone has accidents. I too am concerned you are terrified to tell your DH. I wrote a car off once purchased with my own money my ex was angry made me feel terrible about it. One of the reasons he's an ex!!

A friend demolished her front garden wall with a new car, I scraped car in asda car park, dh reversed into neighbours car having been driving fir 30 years.
I would say to dh 'dont say a word about this to anyone please, I feel shit enough as it is without you or anyone else making me feel worse'
Do try and remember that sahm are working albeit unpaid and facilitate their partner working too.

Why don't you ask/tell him not to tell anyone as it would embarrass you. Surely he wouldn't then deliberately do so? Would he?

I think everyone is being a bit harsh on OP's DH - like she has said she's being probably being overly sensitive & wants to hide it from EVERYONE not just DH hence being scared to tell him.
Also, why wouldn't she tell him? She is married to the man, of course they would have these conversations. I don't hide antrying from my DP, I couldn't imagine not telling him because it's "none of his business". My business is his business & vice versa.
Just my two cents on the situation!

I'm lucky my husband doesn't get hung up about his car as I have a terrible history for bumps etc.

He had a brand new BMW and was away for work. I drove to a class and on leaving reversed into a bollard. Just kept going, went to Tescos and on parking - scraped the front against the next car. Front and back damage in 5 minutes to his brand new car.

He was absolutely fine about it. But he let one of the women at his office use his car to go the sandwich run and she smashed it - again no drama.

My last recent faux pas was putting petrol in his Diesel engine.

He's such a love!

Please update on what he says. You shouldn't be terrified.

Everyone bumps cars, many cars have small dings and dents in them but people don't mention it because they don't think its important.

I've never passed my test but in a lesson in my own car with my grandad I managed to drive into his garage door and completely mangle it to the point where he needed a whole new garage door and opening mechanism.
Everyone I know has done something stupid in their car at some point, hitting bollards, walls, scratches, scrapes, or other cars.
Do not feel embarrassed or ashamed. Even if they don't talk about it, everyone has done it, probably even your DH.

If I have to call DH at work (i have to call the main first first) I have to preface it with "I wasn't in an accident! Can I speak to DH please?..." because I went through a period of car trouble....

• I locked the keys in the running vehicle (with my phone and handbag) but luckily I was near home and got a lift back, dug the spare set out of the vehicle covered in snow and ran back. He didn't find out till later. Yay for self rescue!
• I locked the keys in another car that didn't have a spare set so he had to jimmy the door at the local supermarket... large one too :S
• Winter before last I got in an accident in the snow and busted up my front end
• Winter before that I went into a ditch in a snow storm and had to be pulled out
• My engine died on the way to work (timing belt) and it had to be towed home. It needs a new engine :(
• Before that vehicle broke it was having fuel pump issues and I had to be towed home 3 times before they found the problem.
• Same vehicle before it broke, had issues over winter. It didn't like to start if the actual temp (not including windchill) was under -17C so there were many "what can I do to try and start this?" calls to his work.
• I left the lights on in his (older and prized) car and it fried some wiring and killed the battery

He however was driving my "new" (second hand) car and something happened in the engine which had to be replaced. Not his fault, but I was still glad I wasn't driving this time!

Needless to say, I will probably have a panic attack and hyperventilate when something bad happens in a vehicle. For the longest time I was a wreck while driving. I 100% believe I had a little bit of post-traumatic-stress. It took a few days to be willing to drive, and even then for weeks I was white-knucking it (I had to go to work and there's no other way except to drive).

So I totally understand being "terrified" to tell your DH. He does race/drag racing as a hobby so I'm definitely the worse driver. Hates that I feel bad about it because stuff just happens sometimes. The only one he was REALLY pissed about was his car and the wiring. He fixed it though and now he's fine but man... that was a frosty call "I left your lights on and it won't start" :S

What might he do that you are terrified of?
I've had a few scrapes and "D"H initially moaned/raised voice but soon got over it.
Are you really scared of him or are you just being hard on yourself.
Most people have the occasional minor prang-its just a nuisance if money is tight.

Wow a lot of shit for the DH. If dh scraped a brand new car, I would be annoyed, not really at him but because its just another thing to add to the list of things that need to be done that needs to be paid for.

The OP has stated its probably her anxiety and she is struggling to adjust to being a sahm. I struggled with that too. I work led when I had my first, apart from my mat leave and became a sahm after the second. It took about 3 years to come round to it not being his money. I always used to ask before I spent stuff and that upset DH, because he felt it was our money. But I would say 'dh bought ' not 'we bought'.

Op - just tell him. But also tell him how you feel and that you don't want anyone else to know as you are embarrassed. If tells everyone anyway, then I will bow the general mn verdict that he is a knobber.

I've also put petrol in a diesel car. These things happen. Fortunately I'm single so don't have to explain myself to anyone.

We've all been there, OP. The important thing is that you weren't hurt.