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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified of telling DH I've damaged the car?

125 replies

mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 16:59

I've recently learned to drive and DH very kindly got me a new car. Today I scraped the front of it when parking. It's a huge scape at the front. I'm gutted. Not only has it really knocked my confidence , I'm terrified of telling DH. He is a fantastic, confident driver and will not understand how this happened. He will be very annoyed. I already feel dreadful and stupid. I'm half tempted to not tell him and hope he doesn't notice but I know he will.

I am a grown women and I've just made a foolish mistake, AIBU to feel so nervous/terrified about telling DH. I also know he will tell all his friends, work colleagues and family and I will be very embarrassed.

Also, does anyone have any similar stories of damaging their cars so maybe I don't feel so stupid?

OP posts:
Original poster
mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 17:13

All the stories are making me feel better! I was assuming because no one I know has done anything similar, that I was really just stupid. I suppose maybe they just haven't told anyone? Thanks for cheering me up.

DH is a nice guy, honest! I think this is just a bit of a pet hate with him and I'm probably over sensitive about anything i do wrong.

OP posts:
TheFirstOfHerName · 29/03/2015 17:13

Your husband's reaction should be relief that you are OK and sympathy that you had the misfortune to have a parking prang so soon after you have started driving.

If he reacts as you are fearing, then he doesn't sound like a very good person.

OrlandoWoolf · 29/03/2015 17:13

Things happen - I've had a few scrapes in my car when parking. It's annoying but part of the "joys" of owning a car. Accidents happen in the house - and it's important in a relationship to recognise that and not hold it against someone. My ex used to do that - and it really upset me and shattered my confidence in doing certain things.

That said - my DSIS has a car "accident" that worried her. She borrowed my car when she was young and reversed it out - into the side of DFs car. I will never forget the look on her face.

SylvaniansAtEase · 29/03/2015 17:15

Scraping car = no problem

Twat for a husband = big problem.

to echo what others have said: He didn't buy you a car - stop seeing it like that. It's family money. Note: it's still family money if you don't work out of the home but bring up the joint children. Stop him RIGHT THERE if he starts saying anything different. Secondly, if you'll 'never hear the end of it', if he's the type to use a mistake you made as a means of humiliating you to family and friends, remember two things - 1. they too will have him pegged as a knobhead already, and 2. sounds like life could be nicer without him.

Taz1212 · 29/03/2015 17:15

Tell him you have no idea how it happened- that's what I used to do. Grin I have the embarrassing story to tell of continually reversing into all sorts of objects and it took me months to realise that the reason I had lost all sense of reversing judgement was because my previous car had no boot to speak of and the new car had a very large boot. Blush

I will now never ever own a car without reverse parking sensors

SunshineAndShadows · 29/03/2015 17:16

OP everyone has these stories - you're a new driver. I wrote off 2 cars in the first 2 years after I passed my test! Not done any damage for 15 years now, driven in Anerica etc - passing your test is only the first step, it can't prepare you for everything, you need to gain experience too.
If your husband harps on about it he's a dick. Shit happens. You aren't hurt (which should be his main concern) and the damage is cosmetic. It's no biggie. If he tries to make you feel bad then ease don't apologise. Just refuse to discuss it and move on. You're an adult, not a child for him to bully

IncognitoBurrito · 29/03/2015 17:16

I feel for you! Similar recently happened to me.

Been driving for 6 months, I scraped the side in a supermarket car park on a pillar. Literally got stuck on the pillar and couldn't get off going forwards or backwards Blush Loads of white emulsion came off and made the scratch look horrendous.

I had a good go at it with a magic sponge and once the emulsion had gone it was almost not noticeable - could that work for you?

Once DH did notice (after about two months) he was WAY less annoyed than I thought he'd be. We ended up making it into a bit of a joke.

CountingThePennies · 29/03/2015 17:16

Is it a brand spanking new car?

When passing your driving test its best to not get a new car as EVERYBODY has scrapes and bumps in the first few years.

I ve dented my car a fair few times and almost wrote one off in the first 2 years of driving.

I didnt get a nice car until i had been driving around 4 years.

Everyone i know has dented and smashed up cars within the first two years of driving.

When taking driving lessons you are being taught to pass your test.

You dont start learning to drive until you ve past your test.

Its all part of being a new driver.

SylvaniansAtEase · 29/03/2015 17:17

No, a nice guy wouldn't show you up in front of others for mistakes you make. That's being a traitor to the team.

If he does that, try reminding him of something HE once did that was silly, or clumsy, or mean. Ask him how he'd feel if you brought it up in a group, and laughed at him. Would he be amused - or hurt, humiliated, and angry?

SoMuchForSubtlety · 29/03/2015 17:17

How very unpleasant of him, if that's what he does. How are you supposed to learn anything if you can't make mistakes? If he does try to give you a guilt trip, or goes on about it, tell him to fuck off. Honestly. He's your husband not your keeper.

If it makes you feel better, when I was still a new driver I did the following:

  • reversed the car while turning and massively scraped the front side corner due to not looking where I was going as I swung out. Twice.
  • smashed the left hand wing mirror off completely on a pole at the side of the road. While doing about 30mph...
  • reversed into my dad's car causing a dent that cost about £500 to fix
  • took a corner too fast resulting in a 180 degree spin and sliding the car backwards into a ditch

It was an eventful few years until I got the hang of driving!

OrlandoWoolf · 29/03/2015 17:18

somuch

You aren't my sister, are you Grin

JeanSeberg · 29/03/2015 17:18

Presumably he has form for this or you wouldn't be nervous of telling him?

ApocalypseThen · 29/03/2015 17:19

I suppose maybe they just haven't told anyone?

Exactly. It's so minor an event that normally you don't think to mention it. But the number of cars with scratches down the side that you'll start to notice next time you're out and about will convince you that it's a very rare driver never got a scratch.

PecanSandy · 29/03/2015 17:19

Jesus, I have been driving for over 30 years and a couple months ago I reversed into a pillar in a car park. Of course I had dropped my comprehensive insurance and had to pay for the repair myself - 1300 euros. It HAD to be repaired as the headlamp was damaged and the bumper was no longer attached on that side. It can happen to anyone.

I hate to hear of a woman being scared of her husband's reaction to scratching the car in this day and age. it reminds me of my childhood in the 70s. It belongs in that crummy decade along with casual misogyny, drink driving and polyester suits with big lapels.

OrlandoWoolf · 29/03/2015 17:19

She once had an accident and it made the Radio 2 traffic report with Sally Traffic. She was ok though.

Chippednailvarnish · 29/03/2015 17:19

Trade your "D" H in and get something less temperamental and more reliable.

thatstoast · 29/03/2015 17:20

Thankfully DH has been the first one to bump/scratch all 3 cars we've had. So when I eventually scraped a pillar or whatever I could just say "well, one more won't make a difference!"

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 29/03/2015 17:20

And if he's awful about it and has a go at you and threatens to humiliate you into the bargain he is an absolute arsehole and I would be bloody furious if I were you. He needs to get a grip, get his priorities in order and show a bit more compassion and respect. My Dh would be concerned that I was ok and hadn't scared myself, not angry and rude.

WhatTheHellArePoshChips · 29/03/2015 17:20

i passed years ago but recently started driving again after taking refresher lessons, anyway, bought a relativley cheap and small car, and doing short journeys to ease back in.

on one of these short journeys (literally 15 mins all round) i scraped both my passenger side doors with the thorny hedge i pass every day as i was avoiding the parked cars on my right side (it's a tight road) and now have 8 lines neatly across my car, and it was DH who pointed them out to me, but it happens, as long as i avoid hurting myself or some one else, a few scratches is something i can live with

Original poster
mostlyconfused · 29/03/2015 17:20

It is family money. I'm the one finding it hard to adjust to being a SAHM and not having an income of my own. I still very much see it as his money but it's my issue , not his.

Maybe I'm not being fair to him. I am a very anxious person and worry a lot about stuff. He should be home soon so I'll find out soon enough how he reacts.

OP posts:
Rafflesway · 29/03/2015 17:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoMuchForSubtlety · 29/03/2015 17:21

Orlando, as far as I know I only have a brother Grin

When I reversed into Dad's car it was 6am on a Sunday morning (I was on my way to work) and I had to wake him up to tell him. He wasn't particularly pleased!

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 29/03/2015 17:22

Dh passed his test late last year and last month bumped into a bollard, causing a small crack on the bumper.

He was a bit sheepish when he told me but it was no big deal, no one was hurt and we can repair it if we want.

I'd rather he'd had a low speed collision where no one else was hurt than a collision with another car at speed, as that would make me worried he wasn't driving safely.

Tell you dh but I would not put up with him being grumpy, you had an accident and what should matter most to him is that you are OK.

trufflesnout · 29/03/2015 17:22

You wouldn't be dreading telling such a nice person that you made a (very minor) mistake.

I don't even know why he has to be told tbh, it's your car.

loveableshoulder · 29/03/2015 17:24

Do you want the story about when I ripped the car door off while reversing in the driveway, or the story about the brand-new car I completely wedged against another car in the car park? DD2 learned the word fuck well and truly that day.

Luckily DH is very patient and knows me well, so he was completely unsurprised and not angry. Plus we live next door to a Lotus mechanic