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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

551 replies

Unplastered · 29/03/2015 14:36

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

OP posts:
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5
Pat1ence · 29/03/2015 18:16

Who knows you might one day use the disabled loo and discover there was a mess, or a leak, or the paper has run out or some other problem in there and be the one to get it fixed for the next disabled user!)

How patronising.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 18:17

It was unreasonable to use the accessible toilet because no one in the party were disabled. It doesn't matter that the woman wasn't made to wait, she's probably had to wait many, many times in the past.

Chocolatebreadcrumbs · 29/03/2015 18:19

Anyone can buy a Radar key- you don't have to prove why you need it.

When does post-birth stress incontinence become disabling enough to allow you to use the disabled toilet without dirty looks? In fact, who actually gets to set the rules about who uses it? If you wet yourself once a week, can you use it then? What about of you only actually shit yourself once a month, then? What if your mental health/sleep deprivation can't actually take just one more hassle in your day (juggling several kids, a pram, shopping, and people who will criticise you whether you use the disabled toilet, or leave pram outside, or expect someone else to help you, while trying to ensure no adults or children soil themselves.)

How about we're all just compassionate to each other? If we can manage without the disabled toilet, leave it free for those who need it more, if we can't manage, due to whatever may be disabling us, we use it as quickly as possible, and don't judge each other? Just be kind and compassionate, rather than 'I need it more than you!' all the time.

Sirzy · 29/03/2015 18:24

Having a pram isn't disabling though.

To me it's simple - if you can get the the 'normal' (used for want of a better word) toilet, and are physically capable of accessing it then use it. If you have a medical problem of disability which makes getting to or accessing other toilets difficult then use the disabled toilet.

9 times out of 10 DS has no problem making the normal toilets. On a bad day if the disabled is closer he will use that. He is 5 and is more than capable of understanding that, shame some adults can't see it really.

Chocolatebreadcrumbs · 29/03/2015 18:25

I have had an overactive bladder my whole life, and it can just empty if I don't get to a toilet when I get the urgency. I once wet myself in a ticket office at the station, because the station worker refused to let me use the disabled toilet, and the ladies was on the other platform (down steps, with a pram, and I needed to go now). His argument was that I obviously wasn't disabled, and the toilet isn't there for lazy people with prams. I was so mortified.

I hardly ever use disabled toilets.

Mia1415 · 29/03/2015 18:26

I have never seen anyone leave the door ajar in a cubicle with their baby outside in their pram! Seriously? People do this? The ONLY time I have ever used a disabled loo is when my DS was tiny, couldn't stand & was in a pram. I'm not going to apologise for that either! My DS is the most precious thing in the world to me, & I'm not going to risk him being abducted, nor would I want to wet myself when out!!! & yes, I fully understand the needs of the disabled having a mum who has been in a wheelchair the last 25 years. Maybe rather then attacking each other we should use our energies trying to get better facilities that meet the needs of all.

Chocolatebreadcrumbs · 29/03/2015 18:26

(But that day prompted me to get a radar key, to 'prove' it. You do just buy them.)

Zadkiel · 29/03/2015 18:29

Yep compassion, being non judgemental and stepping out of your own bubble and seeing things for someone else's point of view would solve all sorts of things.

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2015 18:30

Yes Mia I do. Why not?

The chances that someone will abduct your child are incredibly low as well.

TwiggyHeart · 29/03/2015 18:33

Some people are bonkers, I have a baby and a toddler and if there is no loo in the baby change I often bundle us all into the disabled loo if myself and toddler need a wee. In the real world I cannot imagine that anyone disabled or otherwise would object to person with small child and buggy doing so. What do people think happens when baby change table is in disabled loo, if your changing the baby and disabled person comes along they have to wait, same difference.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 18:33

Maybe rather then attacking each other we should use our energies trying to get better facilities that meet the needs of all.

The disabled have done this already, although they are still campigning for fully accessible toilets here.

Parents are the ones who need to be doing the campaigning now, not being lazy and using the facilities that are provided for disabled people.

FeijoaSundae · 29/03/2015 18:34

The chances of a roaming buggy stealer swooping in to steal his spoils, and make a clean get-away in the 'couple of minutes' a person is inside the accessible loos is pretty slim. Grin

It's definitely not comparable to an unattended handbag, so I think you can lay that concern to rest.

GraysAnalogy · 29/03/2015 18:34

It makes me laugh how people in this threads always suggest you can leave the baby outside the door or ask a random to hold him/her but in another thread that doesn't include a disabled loo they'll say the complete opposite.

Mia1415 · 29/03/2015 18:36

I don't care how low the chances are, it's a chance I am no way prepared to take!

Zadkiel · 29/03/2015 18:37

That's awful chocolatebreadcrumbs, of course you should have been able to use it. A definite case of rules are for the guidance of wise men and the obeyance of fools.

And I get why you'd get a radar key too. Someone with a specific medical condition/symptom that requires urgent need for a toilet is totally different to someone who gets one just to make things easier for themselves logistically.

Mia1415 · 29/03/2015 18:38

Graysanalogy - exactly! I don't care about my pram but I do care about my child!

LittleBearPad · 29/03/2015 18:38

Then leave the door open or take him in with you Mia problem solved.

spleenyone · 29/03/2015 18:39

No, you were absolutely not being unreasonable at all.

GraysAnalogy · 29/03/2015 18:40

Oh and if we have a hand washing thread you are the scum of the earth if you don't wash your hands. But you're supposed to plonk your child on the floor or try and balance them in some fashion whilst you do your business.

hazeyjane · 29/03/2015 18:42

Take the baby in with you then.

Eminybob · 29/03/2015 18:43

Yeah there is no way that I would be able to balance my very wriggly very mobile 8 month old on my knee while I try to wee!

GraysAnalogy · 29/03/2015 18:44

God help you if you have a mooncup...

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 18:49

God help you if you have a mooncup..

Am I missing something? Having a mooncup is a choice. Having a disabilty isn't!

pearpotter · 29/03/2015 18:49

How do you take a baby into a loo and have a pee yourself? Put them on the toilet floor? No thanks. I've left them in the pram outside the cubicle though when it was the only option.

I've also used the disabled loo and when I came out someone in a wheelchair was waiting. But it was also the loo with the baby changing table in it.

trufflesnout · 29/03/2015 18:50

my very wriggly very mobile

I know it wasn't, but that did feel like a dig Grin