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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

551 replies

Unplastered · 29/03/2015 14:36

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

OP posts:
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5
GraysAnalogy · 29/03/2015 18:50

Oh calm down Thefairy ffs. I'm making a joke about the fact if you don't want to leave your baby alone in the bloody pram you're expected to try and take them into the cubicle with you. Mooncup + squirming baby = disaster

Sirzy · 29/03/2015 18:51

Easy solution! WinkGrin

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?
TheWintersmith · 29/03/2015 18:51

waiting for some mum plus children to all have a wee in the disabled loo, have a nice soapy hand wash in turn, dry their hands, faff about, pick up bags, gather children in an orderly line, etc

That was me, in a shopping centre yesterday. What you don't know is my 6 yr old son has nerve damage at birth and is doubly incontinent, and wears nappies. Which need changing. In a sufficiently large private space, preferably with washing facilities.

So if you were the lady who gave me the evil as we came out. All I can say is sorry, Hidden disabilities.

Eminybob · 29/03/2015 18:51

Truffle no of course it wasn't Blush sorry

ShadowStone · 29/03/2015 18:52

I think it's safer to leave the baby in the pram outside the toilet than it is to take them in with you.

The only time I tried taking a baby in, I ended up overbalancing and flat on the floor when I was trying to sort myself out after my wee. Luckily DS1 stayed on top so he was fine.

And yes, I have left my baby in a pushchair outside the cubicle door while I've used the toilet. I've never heard of any harm coming to a baby in those circumstances.

Eminybob · 29/03/2015 18:54

It only needs to happen once and I am not prepared to take the risk that it's my DS.

I'm sure the McCanns had never heard of babies being abducted from villas in Portugal before either.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 18:54

I'm glad you find it funny, Grays but for a minority of us on this thread disabilty is something we live with everyday. We encounter all sorts of selfish people who are "only having a quick wee" "just running to the cashpoint" or won't take their PFB out of the pram on the bus.

It's not in the least bit funny, tbh!

trufflesnout · 29/03/2015 18:55

Truffle no of course it wasn't

I know I know! It just tickled me Grin

BeeInYourBonnet · 29/03/2015 18:55

Why can't disabled people wait 2 mins? Well....

My DM uses crutches and/or wheelchair. Often she uses crutches as she gets pain from sitting too long. And she gets pain from walking too far!

If she needs the toilet, she often has to walk halfway across a dept store or shopping centre to get to the lift which she has to queue at for 10 minutes because people who don't need the lift are too lazy to use the stairs. No one EVER offers for her to go first! Then she has to walk all the way across the next floor to get to the toilets which always seem to be the opposite side of the back of the store. Then she has to wait ( and there does always seem to be a wait) for babies to be changed, pushchairs to be reversed out, toddlers cajoled. Then when she's finished ( she takes a looooong time due to bladder problems) she normally gets tutted at by a queue of mums with buggies. Then she has to travel back the way she came, and by that time she normally gives up and goes home as she's totally exhausted.

UnderEstherMate · 29/03/2015 18:56

She doesn't know you're not disabled. I often use disabled toilets as it makes things easier for me. I'm in my early twenties, wear shitloads of make up (and often heels!) and have a young child so people assume that I'm taking the piss and give me filthy looks, but actually I have an "invisible disability". I hate the attitude to disabled loos that says "you have to look disabled to use them". Hmm

GraysAnalogy · 29/03/2015 18:57

TheFairy I was not making a joke about disability, I was not making a joke at your expense, I was making a joke about baby balancing and menstrual blood. Don't try and turn this into some emotive ableist argument. You're not the only one who has a disability you know, yes for some of us and note my US, it effects us everyday.

Sirzy · 29/03/2015 18:57

The problem is though the amount of people who use disabled facilities when they don't need them make it so much harder for people who have hidden disabilities as people get suspicious of people and do - wrongly in some cases - assume that they are using them when they shouldn't

hazeyjane · 29/03/2015 19:01

Ds was completely immobile at 8 months, but dd's weren't and dd1wasn't walking when I had dd2 - I used to take them in a toilet with me, I honestly don't get what is so hard!

Put them on the toilet floor? No thanks.

What like my ds? Who, at nearly 5 has no choice but to be changed on the toilet floor. Read this - www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-ouch-31536063 it is reality for lots of disabled people that this is the only choice they have.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 19:05

I never said I was the only one who is disabled. It's not me who needs to calm down, btw, you are the one who is being sweary and aggressive. I still don't see why you need to make a joke about people saying to take babies in to the toilet with them, they'd have to do it if the disabled hadn't have campaigned for disabled toilets.

needaholidaynow · 29/03/2015 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Koalafications · 29/03/2015 19:09

I'm really not sure on this one, I can see both sides of the argument.

Out of interest, why would someone with IBS need to use an accessible loo? I'm not trying to be rude, I just don't understand. Is it just that the accessible loo is usually free and there is normally a queue for the other ones?

hazeyjane · 29/03/2015 19:09

Wow, well done you, I think you have earnt your merit badge with that one!

Sirzy · 29/03/2015 19:10

But it's not equal rights is it, you have a choice in toilets that others aren't so lucky to have. Your selfishness could leave someone with a disability ill or in an embarassing situation.

Sirzy · 29/03/2015 19:11

Koala, if that was the first toilet they got to then I doubt many people would have an issue as they have a medical need for use of a toilet immediatly

Koalafications · 29/03/2015 19:11

Screw people who have a problem with that!!

That's a bit strong! Hmm

GraysAnalogy · 29/03/2015 19:12

TheFairy it was quite clear you were trying to prove a point with the 'we disabled live with it everyday' so I thought it might be best to point out that just because we don't agree with you doesn't mean we haven't got disabilities.

Y'see the thing is we have this thing called having a sense of humour. I can't believe you're getting on about me for making a joke about a mum balancing a baby. Give over.

If I have to wait for a toilet when I get 'the feeling' there's a high chance if I have to wait for long then I'm going to soil myself. That however doesn't mean I want women having to leave their babies outside of cubicles or trying to balance them in unhygienic and uncomfortable conditions. We all have different opinions on this, mine is that we all need to help each other and make each other's lives easier and if that means allowing a woman struggling with a baby to use 'my' toilet then so be it.

Waltonswatcher · 29/03/2015 19:12

I use accessible toilets with dd all the time and also allow my 12 yr old to use them. Dd has bowel issues and a phobia of hand dryers (its no fun in reality). Ds is terrified of being locked in- he has autism . Both of these issues are hidden and aren't a disability as such , but they do make a trip to the toilet a major issue . Yes I use the accessible toilet . If anyone questioned me I'd be polite but form.

trufflesnout · 29/03/2015 19:12

why would someone with IBS need to use an accessible loo

there is more than one subtype of IBS - but in essence it's because a lot of sufferers experience very painful, very severe and very sudden onset diarrhoea

Koalafications · 29/03/2015 19:13

Sirzy I don't have an issue with it. I just don't understand, as I thought the accessible toilets were more about the extra space. It must be a certain type of IBS then as I have IBS and it doesn't affect the urgency in which I need the toilet.

Rightokthen · 29/03/2015 19:13

Are people really expecting her to leave the baby outside a regular cubicle?

I use disabled all the time as I cannot get pram into regular cubicles