Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

551 replies

Unplastered · 29/03/2015 14:36

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 17:13

If the site owner had decided to restrict access for disabled people only they would have fitted a RADAR lock.

That would have made no fucking difference because some selfish cunts posters have already admitted they buy the keys for their pram pushing days!

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 17:17

The difference between having reasonable adjustment and not. If you see ok it's taken more resources to put in place but nobody has 'more' than anyone else out of it do they?

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?
TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 17:18

If it wasn't for these pesky disabled people wanting to be part of societ mums wouldn't be able to get their prams into the disabled toilets or on to the accessible buses complete with wheelchair space!

Maybe think about that mumhum!

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 17:21

My kids were born in the early part of the millennium and I had to contend with step access buses even then, they'd not all been phased out. No idea what some of them would have done then!

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 17:24

DS1 was born in 94, it was a case of find nice looking old lady, pass him to her, fold buggy, board bus.

Marioswife · 30/03/2015 17:26

My 5 year old till wears nappies, he no longer fits on baby changing tables, the floors of disabled toilets are a nice private place to change him.

BishopBrennansArse

Them Confused whose "them"?

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 17:27

Those who can't possibly fold for the bus (with no good reason)

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 17:29

For me it was have very light maclaren. Hold DS1 in 1 arm, fold and carry with other.
When DS2 arrived it was DS2 in sling, hold DS1 hand with one hand, fold and carry very light buggy in other.

VirginiaTonic · 30/03/2015 17:51

I'm not saying anyone should do anything- I just asked a question. My dad wasn't wearing pull ups because she was Potty training, if she had wet her pants I would have just changed her, she wasn't old enough to be humiliated by this. I wouldn't blame others. I haven't said anyone should sit in their own excreta till they are sore. I just think if it was me I would never go out with the risk of soiling myself in public, I would wear protection for those times when the disabled toilet was occupied. And I don't see where I said disabled people shouldn't go out? I don't even see where I said it was ok for perfectly able people to use the disabled toilet? I don't, and have only one occasionally as I described earlier.

hazeyjane · 30/03/2015 18:11

Marioswife hasn't your ds got additional needs though? (apologies if I have you confused with someone else!)

lottieandmias · 30/03/2015 18:21

Mumhum - who cares about what's 'legal'? Surely the main thing is not to go around behaving like a selfish arsehole and making the lives of disabled people even more difficult than they already are?

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 18:32

Why?
Isn't the expectation of being able to use the only available toilet to you within 15 mins reasonable?

It's only when people who could reasonably use the stairs or other cubicles obstruct us that we can't do that within 15 minutes.

So because people who have other options would rather hold a child up for over 15 minutes and allow them to wet or soil themselves my older children should use day continence wear - something they consider babyish?

Why do they always pay with their dignity for the selfishness of others WHO HAVE ALTERNATIVES?

Marioswife · 30/03/2015 18:45

Marioswife hasn't your ds got additional needs though? (apologies if I have you confused with someone else!)

sort of, we are currently stuck in the system. He has suspected ASD, he had the assessments but they wouldn't out right diagnose it when he was 4. and now hes 5 we are waiting for the assessment process to start again.

Limbo

hazeyjane · 30/03/2015 18:48

You don't need a diagnosis to have additional needs, and your ds definitely should be able to use the disabled toilet.

I hope your ds gets all the support he needs whilst the process is ongoing.

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 18:52

Marios hopefully changing places loos become more widespread - not all those loo floors are very nice.

Your son has a need for the facilities. Nothing diagnosed does not mean the need doesn't exist.

DS WAS in nappies up until 2 years ago. He doesn't want to go back into them just because people needlessly obstruct him for more than 15 mins.

Dawndonnaagain · 30/03/2015 19:05

Sounds like a bit of a nightmare Marios, but they shouldn't need to start the process again. Why aren't they using the notes and observations from the initial process? Have they discussed this with you?
Do feel free to pm me.
Back to the thread, as others have said, diagnosis does not necessarily equal need, your ds very obviously has a need.

AlansLeftMoob · 30/03/2015 19:22

I don't see the problem with people using disabled loos if there's nobody waiting. You need a wee, you're in and out. I'm someone who has approached able-bodied people about parking in wheelchair spaces, and people with no children parking in baby spaces - but I don't see the fuss over a toilet. You're unlikely to be in there for more than what - two/three minutes max? Car parking - different story, drives me insane.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 19:32

Have you not read the thread then, Alans?

hazeyjane · 30/03/2015 19:35

I'm someone who has approached able-bodied people about parking in wheelchair spaces

I assume these people don't have blue badges, because you realise that it isn't a wheelchair space, and that people could be parking there with a blue badge who have a disabled child.

lottieandmias · 30/03/2015 19:39

My daughter can walk and she has a blue badge because she fulfils the severe mental impairment criteria.

Sirzy · 30/03/2015 19:40

But if everyone thought it was ok to just nip into the accessible toilets because there was nobody disabled nearby at that point (how you can tell that without asking everyone anyway?) then it would make it even harder for people with disabilities to be able to access facilities.

lottieandmias · 30/03/2015 19:42

Alans - read the thread. It certainly is true that some people troupe into disabled toilets in family groups - I've seen it. And the time you're going to take is entirely beside the point. If you're not disabled you can't justify using something that has been put there for someone who is because they can't use the ordinary sized cubicles!

AlansLeftMoob · 30/03/2015 19:43

Hazeyjane I've seen fit and able people on their own in cars park in wheelchair spaces and walk into Tesco without a breeze. To my knowledge, you aren't entitled to use the blue badge anyway unless the person who needs it is in the car with you? May be wrong, just going by a family member who has one for her husband. Also I know that there are many conditions that limit the distance people can walk that may not be visible, but if you're on your own in the car with no kids and you're not pregnant or impaired then you shouldn't be using a baby space either. Just my opinion!

Sorry TheFairyCaravan I haven't read the whole thing, I was just giving my opinion on the OP's original query, I don't see a problem with using a disabled toilet if you have a buggy and small child with you and there's nobody in the immediate vicinity who needs it at that very second - that's all. I'm sure there are many variations on that situation and by the looks of things there's much more up for discussion here, was just giving the OP my two pence on the original post!

Icimoi · 30/03/2015 19:43

Alans, RTFT. Or at least try to think a bit. As has been pointed out several times by people who have all too bitter experience, your two or three minutes may well mean to a disabled person the difference between making it to the loo on time and wetting or soiling themselves.

lottieandmias · 30/03/2015 19:45

Alans - don't say such ignorant things. You cannot tell if someone needs a blue badge by looking. Some people have them for a heart condition where the length of time they can walk for is a problem.