Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

[Unplastered]

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

YABU to care what people think. Disabled toilets are there so toilets can be accessible to everyone. You were perfectly fine to use it. The lady on crutches was rude. Disabled parking however us by law only for blue badge holders. I would have disagreed with crutch lady and left her to her indignation without thinking about it again.

I don't know how people can read the thread and then still say it's fine to use the disabled toilets when there isn't a need to (and simply having had a child or two doesn't give you a need to)

DS is disabled but the vast majority of the time he can make it into the ladies so he uses that. Only on a very bad day where the ladies were further away would be dream of using the accessible toilets.

If I need the loo and I am with my son who uses a wheelchair, I use the disabled toilet. He is too old to be in the ladies but I would also apply this too an older wheelchair using child of the same sex. You wouldn't expect an able bodied or nt 10 year old to stand next to the open door way of the toilet their mum is using so you shouldn:t expect it of a disabled child either.

Strangers may not know if you are disabled or not but end of day you know, if you are happy with that then albeit,
Personally I don't think all disabled have to use the disabled toilet (but that's a whole diff argument :)......)and before anyone gets on their high horse,
Example my friend has a downs child and says she is quite capable of going to toilet by self why would she use it shes "abled not disabled"
Actually i have a few friends with children with variant sn and wouldn't dream of using

pollykinesis and Droflove, would you care to read through the thread paying particular attention to posts from Dawndonna's daughter and let us know whether you still think the same way?

can I just say to strawberry - my dd's have understood from a very young age, that the disabled toilet is there for people with disabilities and medical needs, teaching them independence is important, but teaching them to consider other peoples needs and why they might be different to ours is of importance too.

2boys

That is fine for your friend, but her opinions are not the opinions of all disabled people, and her dc's needs might be very different from others.

Also it is usually considered hurtful and insulting to refer to a down's child

I perfectly understand the reasoning here on both sides.

I think that the problem would greatly reduce if there were to be much better planning of public conveniences. At the moment there are either disabled toilets or the tiny cubicles, with no consideration given to the needs of, say, parents with very young children.

I don't believe that families routinely using the disabled toilet is right, but when my children were babies the vast majority of baby changers were in the disabled toilet. More than once I ended up with a baby needing a shitty nappy changed plus a toddler simultaneously clamouring for the toilet. It left me with little option at the time.

Until the issues of better planning of public toilets are taken more seriously and th penny drops that one size does not work for / fit all, there will always be this debate.

I do have IBS. Very occasionally when it flares up I have to use whatever toilet is available. The results would be mortifying and humiliating otherwise. If I possibly can get to a normal toilet though, I do so.

My friend refers to her child as a downs child they're not my words as such I use sn but yes as I was commenting on my friend I used her terms and if insulting and hurtful then I'm sorry !
Was just telling of her opinion to disabled toilets not saying it was "across the board" so yes maybe different for others, may tell my friend to come on here herself but I know her response and its not printable

So if a person of a certain ethnicity used offensive terminology to describe themselves you'd use that too?

Oh and if your friend would like to come here and be unprintable bring it on. I do believe each of us here has presented how it is for each of us and doesn't presume to speak for everyone as she does?

Nobody has said that you can't use the changing facilities in the disabled toilet. Yes it is bad planning, but it is the way it is.

Just a reminder of the changing places campaign www.changing-places.org/, for those of us who have no choice but to change our children's nappies on the floor.

Need but parents of older disabled children have to use the floor.

There's a petition about it too, trying to preserve the dignity of those kids.

Different issue but can you not see how the dignity of disabled people is compromised by lack of thought?

Here is Changing-Places latest petition, campaigning for more fully accessible toilets in motorway services, if anyone would like to help support the campaign.

I went into maccy ds the other day ( I know)
the disabled toilet is the baby change. I was stood outside said toilet, on crutches with a wriggly 15 month old to deal with, and out comes a.woman who looked perfectly healthy (notice I said looked, as I don't know if there were any hidden disabilities) she came out looked at me, and asked why I hadn't gone to the other toilet. ..erm does it look like I can? those cubicles are tiny, I would never get, myself pkus crutches plus baby in there, and even if I did I still wouldn't be able to do babys nappy...all the while stood in the way of the door so blocking my entrance. I said excuse me and tried to squeeze around her to get in and she just tutted at me as if I had done something wrong I don't know what I did wrong apart from want to use the toilet and change my DDs nappy.

indeed (picture from changing-places)

for anyone that does have to do this, we use a picnic rug cut in half, which I keep rolled up under the buggy - larger sized changing mats are mega bucks.

Just wish more places would catch on...

Why not start a campaign or petition for more family toilets?

Arse ? When was she talking for all? She was saying about her situation that's all? I don't use the terminology normally but as I commenting on my friends child I accidently used her "language" I always generalise and tend to say sn's rather than say disabled,but if in doing so ive offended anyone then I'm so sorry... no she has no time for mn's but that's her opinion ...

No problem with 'disabled' at all, personally don't like 'special needs' (use it here and it is used at school, but my dd's will say, 'we're all special aren't we mum?' - smartarses!) - it is using 'Down's' before the child that isn't great.

Look here is a guide on how to start your own petition for all those who would like to campaign for more family toilets....

The point about using the loo is that it is a medical need for EVERYONE. So there need to be a lot more public loos, full stop. We simply need those who design public loos to (a) provide more for the ladies as we take longer and need to sit down and (b) more decent sized cubicles that you can get a buggy or a wheelchair in and (c) having the wash basins outside.

A person in a wheelchair might have a mild need to go to the loo and be able to wait a minute or so. The able-bodied person might have IBS or very heavy periods and need to go NOW.

Often the changing facilities are only in the disabled loo, and often there is only a disabled loo eg in Starbucks and the like. So of course it's ok to use it. I don't think anyone reasonable would go into an accessible loo if they saw someone in a wheelchair coming along. In fact I wouldn't use it if I saw someone with a buggy and a couple of (small) kids coming along (assuming there is an alternative).

The point is to get in there and get out. Don't waste time faffing about. Use a wet wipe to wash your hands if needsbe rather than spending 5 minutes drying your hands on those useless hand-dryers. The quicker we all use the loo, the less time everyone else has to wait, whether or not they have a disability.

yes, but for some people they have medical needs over and above the need to have a wee or poo -

so they may need to go urgently, they may need to clean themselves up after an accident or change a colostomy bag (hence washbasins in disabled toilets), they may be in nappies or wear pads and need to go in with a carer who can change their nappy/pad, they may have fine motor problems which means it will take them longer to deal with getting their trousers down, they may have sensory issues which mean they can't handle the noise of the dryers or flush, or be unable to queue
(I am sure there are other issues - these are just some)

Also sorry, but yes, we should all wash are hands after going to the loo!

If there is one toilet for all, or that is the only baby change facility then yes people will need to use that toilet. It is a badly thought out design though but that is the fault of the business not the individual.

To use disabled toilets simply because you have a pram or young children with no additional needs when there is an alternative is wrong,

It's all well and good saying you wouldn't use the disabled toilets if you saw someone in a wheelchair but not all disabled people are wheelchair users. Some will have other reasons for needing to use the disabled toilet.

I don't think anyone reasonable would go into an accessible loo if they saw someone in a wheelchair coming along. In fact I wouldn't use it if I saw someone with a buggy and a couple of (small) kids coming along (assuming there is an alternative).

Firstly, you can't see someone's catheter bag that would need emptying in the disabled toilet, and it doesn't put them in a wheelchair. Someone with a child with ASD who is absolutely scared stiff of the hand dryers, or unable to use the toilet independently doesn't have that tattooed on their forehead. People with IBD don't have identifying stickers stuck to their clothing. There are so many disablities that you can't see that you should never assume that the next person making their way to the disabled toilet doesn't have a very valid reason to be in there.

I absolutely would carry on using the disabled toilet if someone was coming along with a buggy and a couple of kids.