Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

[Unplastered]

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

No I don't think that BishopBrennansArse, not at all. But going to the loo is different. Sometimes children might get caught short and the regular loos are full and disabled one empty etc. I have not read all these posts but I just felt people seemed very angry that someone might use a disabled loo and sometimes if someone gets caught short etc. My mum has dementia. She has mobility issues but not any recognised disability. If I needed to take her into the loo it would have to be the disabled one as she and I could not fit into a regular loo together. Or the only loos free might be the mens and a male child might not be happy to go into male loos alone.

I just think it is more complicated with loos.

Just my humble opinion.

shadowfax07 thank you for sharing and I am so sorry to hear this.

I truly do not mean any disrespect to people who have a legitimate right to use disabled loos.

It is very helpful to hear the stories of why disabled loos are important etc and it is heart breaking to hear what people need to deal with in their regular lives.

I just feel sometimes the anger that can be expressed on mumsnet actually makes it harder to understand the arguments for or against a certain behaviour.

High-fives DawnDonna's dd who has put it far more eloquently than me!

I might also add that one of my twin DDS has a diagnosed developmental disorder, but it is not apparent to others.

Italian - Some of the posters on this thread have described occasions where they or their child has wet or soiled themselves because they, or their disabled child, have been unable to get into the disabled toilet because it's been occupied when they've needed to use it.

I'm lucky enough to have never been in that position myself, but I would imagine that it's definitely more humiliating than not being able to get parked, and quite possibly more inconvenient too.

If you soiled yourself because the only toilet you could access was occupied, and you knew that people were using that toilet despite being able to access other nearby toilets inaccessible to you, wouldn't you feel angry about that? You might not express that to the person in the toilet at the time (they or their child may have a hidden disability, after all), but it's certainly understandable that you might express anger towards people saying that it's absolutely fine for everyone to use the accessible toilet.

And again, just because no one's waiting to use the toilet when you go in, doesn't mean that they're not going to turn up right as you're closing the door behind you.

Oh FFS. Having reproduced is not a disability. Pushing a pram is not a disability.

Could all of you arseholes who think that having children means being able to use accessible toilets please stop reproducing immediately? We need less entitled twats in the world, not more.

X-posted

Thanks needaholiday, at least you understand the predicament he is in. Plus one of the twins is dyspraxic.

Italian people get angry because we keep having this debate and there will always be entitled people who will argue that their right to use the accessible toilet is greater than the disabled toilet. It doesn't matter how many times disabled people explain, Dawn's DD does it very, very well, it just doesn't go in.

It's the same on bus and parking threads.

*greater than the disabled person

She wasn't referring to th children, need...

HTH

ShadowStone thank you that makes perfect sense and you put it very clearly. I hope I will change my own behaviour because of reading this! For the record my son used the disabled loo the other day as he was needing to go and there was a long queue at the regular loos. When I came out no one was waiting to go in but you have made me think that they may not have been the case.

As a mum who is well aware that people have been assaulted in public toilets I do wish there were more unisex, larger, loos like disabled loos, which could be used by anyone (transgenerder, parents with kids, very large people, whatever). Certainly worth builders of new buildings being aware.

Thanks for sharing so clearly (as I say I have not read the whole thread but I do notice mumsnet gets very angry about a lot of subjets and sometimes that can cloud the issue even when the anger is justified as it tends to polonaise other opinions.

Am I just a really shit neglectful parent? I've never batted an eyelid at leaving either of my kids in their buggy while I nip into a cubicle in the ladies. I don't need to door open or to talk to them the whole time either. The chances that a baby snatching criminal or a pram thief will spend their time lying in wait in public loos is so very minute that it's laughable and you can guarantee that you would hear the buggy moving anyway and be able to open the door and say "Oi, wtf are you doing". I also don't understand why baby twins can't go in the men's toilet. Is it full of paedophiles? Will these babies see an abundance of men's genitals and therefore grow up traumatised? When my IBS flares I use the disabled loo IF there isn't a ladies loo free. I have a Dd with sensory issues who doesn't cope with handdriers but I don't take her in the disabled loo, she's learnt techniques to help her cope with the driers. I most certainly do not wander all entitled like into the disabled loo just because I've happened to produce offspring and own a pushchair.

There are some real arseholes on this thread. A little bit of putting ourselves in others shoes wouldn't go amiss.

Italiangreyhound If you saw me on a good day, you would not know that I had a hidden disability, and I would use a normal toilet - on a bad day, you wouldn't see me at all, I have both IBS and IBD. If I saw you and your mother coming out of the disabled toilets, I wouldn't think twice. You and your mum need the space and the grab bars more than I do, all I really need is the hand basin. You and your mum's need is greater than mine. I do take exception to an able bodied mother and able bodied six year old thinking that their needs are greater than your mum's and mine though, it obviously isn't the case at all.

for you, my grandmother had dementia, I appreciate how difficult it can be.

Transgender not transgenderer (if they want to) I mean!

Before I dig myself into a massive hole I am not saying being transgender is a disability or that trans people need to use different loos but I am sure some may want to!

Of course your 3 sons are not entitled twats needaholidaynow! As I believe they are all under the age of 4 years! You deserve a massive for that alone. That's without the SD in the mix!

They may not be entitled twats, but they are being raised by one, which means they are likely to grow up with the same mentality.

Having children is not a disability. It's mildly inconvenient for a few years, but it's nothing like living with a real disability for your whole life. If you really don't think that the least we can do for people with disabilities is leave a toilet available for them when they need it, then I fear for our world, I really do.

Just so that we are clear, my dd always makes it clear when she is posting and does so with the permission of mumsnet hq.

MidniteScribbler I think that post at Mon 30-Mar-15 01:26:30 was really offensive and unfair.

I have to say that posts like that do not do the 'cause' you are speaking about any favours at all. If you want people to take your other comments seriously (which I am assuming you do) then to appear to be picking on posters in this way does not help. You may think you are totally justified in your comments but as someone just reading and thinking about this issue, those kinds of comments just distract from that 'issue'.

No one has said having children is a disability. People have talked about using the disabled toilets with children on occasions. And some very good arguments are used in relation to why this may inconvenience a disabled person.

Thank you to those who have shared helpful comments.

I'm leaving now as I don't think I can add anything more.

This argument drives me mad, strangers in public toilets have no right to decide whether or not you have a disability. Ok, in your instance you don't have a disability but your circumstances warranted using the big toilet! YANBU