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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

551 replies

Unplastered · 29/03/2015 14:36

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

OP posts:
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5
StrawberryTot · 29/03/2015 23:58

And again agirlcalledbob, he doesn't do it all the time.

As I have stated from the beginning it doesn't happen everytime he goes the toilet, I don't just allow my DS to use the disabled toilet for the fun of it. So you can all put the handbags down Grin

Samcro · 29/03/2015 23:59

you posted it

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 23:59

You don't get it do you?

Him "exploring his independence" is not something you do or encourage in a disabled toilet. It doesn't matter if he is in there for 2 mins or 2 hours, he shouldn't be in there at all. When he can't open the door/reach the sink etc to the mens you take him in the ladies. He's not disabled, so he doesn't use the disabled toilet. It really is that simple.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 00:01

How do you know it wouldn't happen to you and Dawn? You don't know where she lives and disabled people can travel, you know!Hmm

StrawberryTot · 30/03/2015 00:04

Thanks for clarifying disabled people can travel FairyCavern, I never knew Hmm

PatrickStarxx · 30/03/2015 00:07

Macdonalds in Chester only has the disabled toilets open past a certain time.
So everyone has to use them.

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2015 00:07

Pat1ence I am sorry I really did NOT mean that in a patronising manner at all. I meant simply that having someone else use 'your' toilet when you are not waiting to use it may not be such a terrible thing. I was not meaning to imply a person with a disability could not do these things too.

But if it was patronising to you then consider my comment withdrawn!

LittleBearPad · 30/03/2015 00:09

Stawberry drop it. YABU to think that telling your DS he can't use the disabled loos is squishing him.

I presume you don't let him do exactly as he wants with regard to other things? If so you're going to make life difficult for yourself.

If he can't use the gents independently then he uses the ladies with you. He'll get over it. A disability is rather harder to overcome.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 00:10

You do come across like you don't know a lot about disabled people Strawberry.

You are convinced that whilst your PFB is finding his independence in a disabled toilet, you will never meet Dawn's DD (despite not having a clue where she lives) or cause her or anyone else any pain, discomfort, distress or humiliation. We couldn't possibly expect you to squish your little boy's feelings by taking him in to the ladies so that the disabled toilet could be left vacant ready for the people it was provided for to use, could we now?

Moltenpink · 30/03/2015 00:13

The first and last time I left ds holding onto the pram for a few seconds unattended, he stood on it, flipped it over and my newborn landed on her head. The a&e staff had seen it all before too! I don't recommend leaving young children in charge of babies, ever.

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 00:19

Ooh narsty independence squishing disabled people, eh?

needaholidaynow · 30/03/2015 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 00:22

It's not. It's the 6 year old's mother.

Icimoi · 30/03/2015 00:23

No vitriol towards the 6 year old boy, need. Perhaps a little towards his mother who thinks that his wishes trump the right of disabled people to live their lives with reasonably dignity and comfort.

StrawberryTot · 30/03/2015 00:25

Littlebearpad, I won't drop it when people are asking questions furthermore if I left Id only get sarky comments about how I've run off with my tail between my legs. I've been a member on here for a long time and I've seen that happen numerous amounts of time. (This isn't supposed to sound a sarky as it is, I promise).

Of course I don't allow him to get what he wants all the time but like I said and I continue you to say it isn't something he does all the time!!

FairyCavern you can't be further from the truth, my disabled father has lived with me full time for going on 4 years. I am his full time carer, he is 68 has diabetes, noropathy, diabetic ulcers, cataracts (to be operated on once the infection has been sorted and his blood sugars are maintained as he's a secret biscuit muncher) and huge mobility issues just to name a few.

Also my DS is my 2nd born my DD is my first born and she doesn't use the disabled toilet.

So infact I have quite a bit of experience, I've given up a lot to care for my father as well as my DCs, which continues to put a lot of pressure on my marriage, so please don't insult me by accusing me of having no understanding or experience.

needaholidaynow · 30/03/2015 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 00:26

It's the 6yo's mother I've got the issue with, need

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 00:27

Yes I know but teaching him to be entitled this young isn't going to yield great future results is it?

TheFairyCaravan · 30/03/2015 00:28

So you've got experience of how difficult life is for someone with a disablity, yet you are quite happy to make disabled people's lives more difficult? There are no words!

StrawberryTot · 30/03/2015 00:31

Oh my god, once in a blue moon I let him use the disabled loo. I give up!
I'm going to check on my pampered precious entitled 6 year old DS and his much better turned out sister and go to bed. Night ladies Grin

Italiangreyhound · 30/03/2015 00:33

I can't understand why there is so much anger toward someone who is not disabled with a child using a disabled loo when no one was waiting to use it. It's not like taking up a seat or space on a bus reserved for disabled people so they cannot sit down or a disabled parking space. I am totally angry when people use parking spaces they are not entitled to. But going into a loo, briefly, with a child or pram or child and pram or whatever.

Dawndonnaagain · 30/03/2015 00:36

Dawndonna's dd back again. strawberry I am unimpressed that an adult and a mother is using the excuse of her son's independence to excuse her lack of control. However, if you are so desperate for him not to have said independence squished, perhaps you would be kind enough not to do it in such a way as to squish my independence. As I said earlier, his two minutes of exploration may end up restricting my exploration for two weeks. I apologise if moral responsibility restricts and squishes your lifestyle choices but as so many of mine are restricted by having dodgy internal workings, narcolepsy and not being able to walk, I honestly don't understand the validity of a complaint when I politely request that you restrict one, just one of your choices. Thank you.
Dawndonna's dd.

BishopBrennansArse · 30/03/2015 00:38

Italian so by that token is it ok to use a blue badge bay to pop to the cashpoint? As 'no one is using it' and its 'only for a moment'?

CunningCat · 30/03/2015 00:41

I have dd twins 6 when my dp is alone with them he can't go with them to women's loos, he takes them to disabled Loo's. He can't / won't take them to men's Loo's for obvious reasons. What else is he supposed to do? He makes sure no one is waiting etc and never been a problem. No one has ever commented. Now they are older he waits outside women's toilets for them,but says he gets weird looks!

shadowfax07 · 30/03/2015 00:42

StrawberryTot in the two minutes that your ds is using the disabled/accessible toilet 'exploring his independence' I could have had to shuffle my way way even further to the ladies, with severely painful stomach cramps, praying that I didn't shit myself - and yes, it has happened, and I cried, because I was so humilated.

Tell me, how does it feel like to be living in a place where your ds's right 'to be a big boy now' trumps my need to be able to clean both my body and my clothing??? Oh, and by the way, severely painful means being almost bent double and crying out involuntarily in pain.