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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I BU to use the disabled toilet?

551 replies

Unplastered · 29/03/2015 14:36

At a local national trust place today, just me with Dd age 6 and baby in his pram.
The baby change unit in the loos is just in the main area, there's a long row of (tiny) cubicles and a large disabled loo with a sink in.
Dd and I both needed the loo, there was nobody around, so I took both kids in the disabled loo.
As we came out there was a woman approaching the loos on a crutch. She hadn't been waiting - she was just approaching as we exited. She told me, sharply, that I shouldn't have used that loo, the baby changing wasn't in there. I said I knew that, we hadn't needed to use it, just wanted a bigger cubicle so as not to leave the baby outside. She replied it didn't make any difference as none of us was disabled.
Was I BU to use the disabled loo?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
maninawomansworld · 29/03/2015 22:49

I sometimes pop into the disabled if I am on my own with my 2 year old twins and there is no disabled person waiting.
I've been given mouthfuls a couple of times and my stock response is 'not all disabilities are immediately visible, you should know that!' and I walk off.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 22:55

and there is no disabled person in sight!

What does a disabled person look like?

BishopBrennansArse · 29/03/2015 22:57

Do you have an invisible disability then, man? Or the twins?

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 22:58

They are accessible toilets. Which means you can use them.

No it doesn't. RTFT!

Accessibility refers to the design of products, devices, services, or environments for people with disabilities.

BishopBrennansArse · 29/03/2015 22:59

As for us, depends. if both wheelchair using DC are out there's another adult there so take it in turns. If out with just one of them I go before leaving home and have developed a bit of a camel bladder.

Welshmaenad · 29/03/2015 23:02

Lemon, my dd can happily be left outside the cubicle whilst I pee so I just use the regular toilets. However she often struggles to identify when she needs to go so more often than not I encourage her to have a wee too if I need one, in which case we obviously use the disabled facility.

Lifesalemon · 29/03/2015 23:12

Thanks for your answering my question. I'm afraid to say that I am guilty of using the disabled toilet, taking my daughter in her wheelchair in with me when its sometimes just me who needs to go. This thread has really got me thinking and questioning my actions.
brummie your post is a little confusing (to me anyway) How can you use common sense and give a disabled person priority if the disability is not obvious?

StrawberryTot · 29/03/2015 23:15

YANBU

When I'm out with my DS (6) he refuses to use the ladies toilets as he's a 'big boy now' but he can't always use the gents, for instance sometimes he can't open the doors as they are heavy, its in a busy shopping mall too much foot traffic or he can't reach the sinks to wash his hands, so I let him use the disabled toilet and I stand outside. I don't think I am being unreasonable and I won't stop doing it until I feel comfortable for my DS to use the big loos properly.

Dawndonnaagain · 29/03/2015 23:24

So what about my dd then, Strawberry, she has to be in pain because you can't say no to your ds. That's kind of you.

BishopBrennansArse · 29/03/2015 23:33

Wow, people actually let their 6 year olds dictate what they do?

CalmingMiranda · 29/03/2015 23:34

"Accessibility refers to the design of products, devices, services, or environments for people with disabilities."

This means that the product, facility or environment is designed to be accessible to people with disabilities. It may then be restricted to disabled people only, or it may not. An accessible toilet is designed to be accessible for people with disabilities. This statement does not mean that 'accessible' means restricted to use by disabled people.

Many new buildings are accessible environments - built with a high degree of attention to ensure accessibility for disabled people. I does not mean that the environment is restricted and only available to people with disabilities.

I understand that there is a range of views as to whether toilets with a wheelchair symbol on them are restricted- but this quote does not prove the case that they are exclusive. Neither the grammar nor meaning support it.

The new legislation picked up form the DDA - it is clear that the directive for provision of faculties to ensure equal access for disabled people under the DDA did not mean those facilities have to be exclusive. People who design and run public venues know this.

Common sense, courtesy and consideration obviously obliges people not to use the accessible toilet when the less accessible ones will suffice, or when a disabled person needs it.

Often people avoid them anyway. They seem to think they will catch disabled and that the loo is somehow icky.

That is the horrible truth in all this.

I have seen that happen.

mindthegap79 · 29/03/2015 23:35

Yes, how selfish of Strawberry to take her ds's needs into account. That's her written off then, eh Dawn? Hmm

StrawberryTot · 29/03/2015 23:38

The likely chance that would ever happen Dawn is zero and no he doesn't Bishop, so both of you can drop the shitty attitude. I never said it was all the time only when appropriate and I'm not about to force my DS into doing something he doesn't want to do to just to suit you.

Latara · 29/03/2015 23:41

Sometimes I have to use the disabled loo - if it's the nearest one or the only loo available.

I take high dose Venlafaxine which has the side effect of weakening my bladder muscles (it's also weakened my eye muscles) so I have to take Oxybutynin to stop me from wetting myself.

But it doesn't always work so when I have to go it's urgent.

You couldn't tell I have any problems to look at me.

CalmingMiranda · 29/03/2015 23:43

"I'm not about to force my DS into doing something he doesn't want to do to just to suit you."

Strawberry - that is a shitty attitude, actually, saying your SIX year olds insistence that he is a 'big boy now' (clearly untrue as he can't manage the doors taps etc, as you say yourself) is more important than a disabled person's access to the toilet. Take him into the ladies.

BishopBrennansArse · 29/03/2015 23:44

No, Strawberry could try teaching her son that his wants (there are other toilets available, he doesn't NEED the facility like others might) do not come before what others need.

Perhaps if parents did this disabled people wouldn't face the abuse of the adjustments put in place for them - hard fought and won adjustments.

It's not a shitty attitude to want people to try to stop using essential adjustments as a convenient shortcut for parents who aren't parenting!

BishopBrennansArse · 29/03/2015 23:47

Latara that's a hidden need isn't it? Therefore fine.
For the record no I don't challenge people, I'm well aware of hidden disability so I won't.

But I will challenge people who come onto an Internet forum and try to justify unnecessary use of adaptations and adjustments for disabled people. Especially those who think that really short period of inconvenience when your kids are tiny in any way equates to lifelong disability.

Samcro · 29/03/2015 23:47

Lifesalemon if the WC user I care for needs the toilet we use the disabled ones
as I am not disabled...... if they don't need the toilet I use the "normal" ones.
same as I did with my non disabled dc.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 23:48

The likely chance that would ever happen Dawn is zero and no he doesn't Bishop, so both of you can drop the shitty attitude. I never said it was all the time only when appropriate and I'm not about to force my DS into doing something he doesn't want to do to just to suit you.

No it's not. Dawn's DD has been on the thread and explained what happens when she has to wait for the toilet. There is usually only one disabled toilet so when it is clogged up with children demanding to use it because they are a "big boy now" it is entirely possible for disabled person to be caused pain, distress or humiliation.

Your child is not disabled, therefore you have absolutely no right or reason to be using the disabled toilet.

Samcro · 29/03/2015 23:52

TheFairyCaravan love you

StrawberryTot · 29/03/2015 23:54

Jesus, like I said he doesn't do it all the time. And he's not in there for more then 2 minutes. I've never left a disabled person stood outside nor have I ever had an altercation. He's 6, exploring his independence and I'm not about to squish that.

Also at our local supermarket when the toilets are being cleaned there is a sign out side the door stating we should use the disabled. So you actually have no choice.

TheFairyCaravan · 29/03/2015 23:54

Thanks samcro Smile

AGirlCalledBoB · 29/03/2015 23:54

Heard it all now. My 6 year old son uses the disabled toilet because he doesn't like to use the ladies.

Yep mighty good reason for using the disabled toilet Hmm

StrawberryTot · 29/03/2015 23:54

And FairyCavern, I was actually referring to that happening to me and Dawn not Dawn versus the world.

Samcro · 29/03/2015 23:57

so your 6 year old exploring could cause a disabled person to soil themselves.
but hey as long as he is happy.