To be tiring of DPs daughter acting spoilt EVERY time we go out?

[secondchanceathappiness]

DP & I try to do nice stuff with his 2 dc & my 2 dc. Every time we go out his dd (8) acts spoilt e.g won't join in, won't eat same as everyone else, sits with sulky face on for hours. It's really irritating me & one of my children (older - so realises what's going on) is beginning to say they don't want to come along because they know what dd is like. He does really well & doesn't give in, but this usually leads to massive stand off which spoils it for everyone. Aibu? Any tips on how to manage this? I can't bear to see him being manipulated like this!

Again I agree she might not deserve some of the comments - but we have no way of knowing because she didn't come back and answer anything or explain further.

Children of separated parents don't spend the whole of their lives feeling angry at the world. Children need to learn to behave whatever their circumstances.

Sorry to see yet another example of step parent bashing.

Bollocks is this step parent bashing.
The op is complaining about an 8 yo child. The only inofrmation we have been given is that e chold gets a mood on when she doesnt get her own way.
the OP describes her own upset at her adult DP being manipulated. By the 8 year old child.
it really doesn't matter if this is a dsd, a dd, or dd of a friend or relative.
It demonstrates a lack of child centred thinking to frame the situation in the way the Op did and an attempt to look at things from the child's point of view would be beneficial.

It isn't stepbashing at all.

There are loads of children who cope well with being part of blended families.

Children need to be listened to when they are struggling with an emotion.

The OP has been rounded on .

Seriously I would take the line that the DC is behaving badly and try to understand but its not ok however she feels, to spoil everyone elses day out.

The problem is ,its not her DC ,its her DPs child.
She is not a monster for feeling annoyed or irritated - I don't tolerate stroppy, rude DC and the OP describes major tantrums if the DP tackles his DD.

If this is allowed to continuewhatever the reason then its not doing the child any favours.

Children need to be listened to when they are struggling with an emotion
This ^

'Children need to learn to behave whatever their circumstances.'

In order to learn, someone must teach them, which is what many of us have been saying.
Learn to deal with her feelings, understand them and then learn how to manage her own behaviour. She's 8, many adults haven't got far down that route when it comes to exes and their new relationships.

allowed to continue
What?
What is so terrible here?
She struggles to row in and makes her discomfort known.
What do you suggest? A telling off? An insistence that she does as she is told?

Or, how about, as has been suggested, rather than seeing her as spoiled and maipulative, try to be open to understanding her feelings.
Oh no! Is that too harsh on the op?

major tantrums
I missed that bit.

Children need to be listened to when they are struggling with emotion

Of course they do !
They also need to be told to wind their bloody necks in !

I was referring to the "major stand off " if the DP tackles her behaviour.

Depends if you want a long-term or a short-term solution.
Yes, you can tell a child to 'wind their neck in' but that hasn't addressed the problem, has it?
Any more than a quick slap did for me as a child in the 60s. It shut me up, but that was all it did.

i was referring to the major stand off
Ok, well that would have been easily spotted had you referred to it as a major stand off rather than pasting your own interpretation fabrication of what that meant.

Besides, if an 8yo was regularly having "massive tantrums" I would be concerned about her.

Im not suggesting that it would all be fixed by telling the child off.

The behaviour, whatever the reason, is spoiling a day out for everyone else

We don't know why the child is behaving this way.
Yes she might be upset, angry or jealous but it doesn't make her behaviour to the others ok.

You can understand the reasons and talk to her about them whilst also telling her that behaving badly isn't ok.
The OP is in a difficult position- its not her child.

Maybe Olbersparadox
But the opening post suggests differently.
Does one generally refer to peoe with who they feel empathy as "manipulative" or "spoiled"?
OP might be an absoulte saint.
But there is no apparent compassion in the opening post.
And the conversation has sort of moved on, with the rest of bashing out the issue.

Completely agree Rita!

There is a big difference in when either of those is appropriate.

And that's why the bigger picture from the child's point of view is so important.

Ok Im out .

I think you are justifying your own nasty behaviour to the Op rather than actually addressing what might be going on here .

justifying your own nasty behaviour
rita please could you clarify who you are referring to and what they said that constitutes "nasty behaviour"?
Because If that was directed to me I think its utterly unjustified. I have said nothing nasty.

Ok. I guess I have to accept that was te online equivalent of someone slamming diwn the phone after making an unsubstantiated accusation.

The child does need to be understood if there is to be any long term solution. But it doesn't mean pandering to her. It is likely (although we don't know this for sure) that there has been some overcompensation by both parents because they feel guilty (i've been guilty of that one) and that may have led to her thinking she can always get her own way. She's going to need to learn that not everything can revolve around her. Equally she may benefit from some one on one time some of the time. There needs to be a balance.