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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be tiring of DPs daughter acting spoilt EVERY time we go out?

146 replies

secondchanceathappiness · 28/03/2015 17:10

DP & I try to do nice stuff with his 2 dc & my 2 dc. Every time we go out his dd (8) acts spoilt e.g won't join in, won't eat same as everyone else, sits with sulky face on for hours. It's really irritating me & one of my children (older - so realises what's going on) is beginning to say they don't want to come along because they know what dd is like. He does really well & doesn't give in, but this usually leads to massive stand off which spoils it for everyone. Aibu? Any tips on how to manage this? I can't bear to see him being manipulated like this!

OP posts:
NorahDentressangle · 29/03/2015 13:39

I agree with you DailyFail why should she be expected to spend time with strangers - but my take on the op was that the DSM was arranging fun outings that in normal circumstances an 8 year old would enjoy.

The DD should have one on one time with the DF, but maybe she is, we don't know, maybe the DF/DSM think the way to blend is all have fun together and no fault of theirs to believe that. Something isn't working for the DD and it needs someone, prob parents or maybe someone outside the direct family, a GP? to try to support the DD to find what the issue is, and come up with a way to help the DD to deal with it. But berating the DSM who is, exasperatedly, trying to sort this doesn't help imo.

DailyFailSideBarOfShame · 29/03/2015 15:01

It's quite simple as I see it. If I and my children were made to feel unwelcome or uncomfortable in the company of anyone who clearly didn't like us much, I'd stop spending time with them. And I stop expecting them to spend time with me. If my partner or other friends had a longstanding connection with them and wanted to continue seeing them they would be welcome to do it without me. Everyone happy. Job done.

pictish · 29/03/2015 15:05

MN at its shitty worst here I think. Sorry you got pelted OP. x

TheRealAmandaClarke · 29/03/2015 15:25

MN at its shitty worst
Really?
Ok. There were a couple of personal remarks.
But overall its been quite balanced.
I stand by my defence of the child in this situation goven the limited information in the op.

Zadkiel · 29/03/2015 15:29

When the thread started the op was asked lots of questions to clarify the picture, to which there was no response at all.

The posters got right to the core issue, that there is an 8 year old struggling with her feelings, and there was good simple advice about her Dad talking to her to see what is bothering her.

It would have been possible to give further, more specific advice about what those emotions may be, but no-one could as the op didn't engage.

This is also not a step issue, it's a child acting out because of an emotion. The step side of things is just the scenario in which it is set.

pictish · 29/03/2015 15:41

I wouldn't respond to a bunch of harpies either. The OP has written five scant sentences about a difficult situation and in doing so has been written off as jealous, spiteful, selfish and whole host of other judgemental shit as well. Five sentences!

MythicalChicken · 29/03/2015 15:45

My DS is always a nightmare when we go out and do something nice. I don't know why. I posted about it on here once and loads of posters said the same: that their kids turn into spoilt brats on days out. It's just so, well, ungrateful.

There doesn't have to be any 'reason', it seems normal, actually, judging by the responses I got.

pictish · 29/03/2015 15:49

Ah but he's your son, so that's all good and normal and he's just a sod. This girl is a stepdaughter so therefore OP is a piece of heartless crap to be put straight on who comes first, seeing as she's too spiteful, jealous and selfish to see that for herself.
Do you see the difference?

Zadkiel · 29/03/2015 15:56

It is because they only wrote 5 sentences and didn't answer any questions that the judgements and projections came. There has been nothing back from the op to give anyone the opportunity to say "oh ok that sheds a different light on it".

pictish · 29/03/2015 15:59

Maybe people should wait for some actual information to go on before entirely making up their own version and posting as though it were the gospel truth then shouldn't they?

pictish · 29/03/2015 16:02

It jut makes you all seem desperate to tear another mum down fior your own gratification.

Zadkiel · 29/03/2015 16:11

Yep, I agree with your 15.59 post.

It's impossible to give good advice without all the facts, which is why people here asked for more information. Nothing came though.

HagOtheNorth · 29/03/2015 16:16

Well we could, pictish, but the OP hasn't returned.
Searching shows that she was thinking of ending the relationship in February because of her partner's depression and MH issues. Which puts another light on why his DD might be struggling and he isn't getting involved. So trying to make the combination work has been in doubt for a while.

pictish · 29/03/2015 16:16

So they just made it up regardless.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 29/03/2015 16:17

Whatever pictish make of it what you will.
Throw your insults around and stick to your belief that all the responses that haven't cosseted the op are biased because she is a dsm.
Or, read the op (the only information given by OP) and recognise the critical and unpleasant .language used to describe a young child.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 29/03/2015 16:18

Madewhat up?
Who are "they" exactly?

HagOtheNorth · 29/03/2015 16:18

It might also give additional reasons why the child is feeling insecure and lost, and acting unreasonably if everything is unpredictable and unreliable.
Getting him to try and sort things out might not be possible.

needaholidaynow · 29/03/2015 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwoOddSocks · 29/03/2015 16:55

needaholidaynow the point is that the "bad behaviour" is really acting an out an emotion, which deserves some empathy.

Being a step parent sounds exhausting and incredibly challenging, lots of people duck out of relationships with other parents simply because making a blended family is so difficult. So if we accept that it's difficult for adults how can we not see how much harder it is for a child.

This child didn't get the opportunity to duck out of the situation, she didn't get to choose the new people in her life, she doesn't have the emotional maturity to deal with it and has no opportunity to exercise any kind of control.

I'm sure it's annoying to deal with but the inconvenience to the adults has to come second to the emotions of the child. The adults forced this situation on her and need to help her to deal with it.

needaholidaynow · 29/03/2015 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zadkiel · 29/03/2015 17:31

You're right needaholiday now - we don't know the ins and outs. And that's because the op didn't answer any questions or comment again to add context. So it's been a pretty pointless thread in terms of her getting support or advice. And that's down to the op, not anyone else.

RitaOrange · 29/03/2015 17:35

Totally agree needaholiday

Mind you Im not surprised the OP hasn't been back !

needaholidaynow · 29/03/2015 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 29/03/2015 17:58

That some posters on here have been so accusatory to the OP is not her fault. That is their own doing.

PeachyPants · 29/03/2015 18:15

I do feel for the little girl but OP makes it clear that there are three other children in this family and I so whilst I can appreciate the argument that the convenience of the adults has to come second to the emotions of the child, she is not the only child here and her needs should not automatically be placed above theirs just because she is acting out.