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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU- friends 'push present'

101 replies

selly24 · 27/03/2015 15:02

Perhaps I am sensitive as I believe in thoughtful, modest giving in any case but feel I have learnt something new about a friend I consider close. She has just had first baby and was posting on social media asking advice about which new practical bag to get. Her dilemma was between a few very very high end designer bags that cost SEVERAL THOUSAND POUNDS! When I queried wether she should buy a FLAT instead she said 'come on its my push present'. I never knew such a thing existed (Surely the 'gift' is a healthy beautiful child!?) I thought I knew this girl, admired her for her lack of materialism, common sense: seems totally out of character as although (her husband) earns a good salary, they have a few nice things- but they got a lot of baby gear at nct sale, 2nd hand crib etc.... Thought her priorities were different....

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 27/03/2015 15:04

I agree the term 'push present' is terrible I don't see a problem if they can afford it.

chocoluvva · 27/03/2015 15:05

Perhaps you tend to put people on pedestals?

Perhaps she isn't quite herself - hormones!

Perhaps this is one of her few weaknesses?

Only1scoop · 27/03/2015 15:05

Push present

Just uuuugggggg

TheSingingMonkey · 27/03/2015 15:07

Who cares if they can afford it?

PrettyLittleMitty · 27/03/2015 15:07

What they do with their money is their business, so yes yabu. BUT I bloody hate the term 'push present'!

Tizwailor · 27/03/2015 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StackladysMorphicResonator · 27/03/2015 15:12

Well, it's rather a crass term, but on the other hand she carried a child for 9 uncomfortable months, gave birth to it, and is (presuming she's breastfeeding) the one doing all the night wakings etc. And also put her career on hold. Early on, motherhood is much more demanding than fatherhood, so it doesn't seem too much for her to get a nice handbag.

Original poster

selly24 · 27/03/2015 15:17

On reflection I think what actually irks me is that I find it crass to post about acquiring a extortionate bag on social media. Also upset as though we were so similar in our outlook and haf shared priorities. Have v few female friends- but maybe I need to make an effort to change that and move on. She will no doubt be focusing on developing a social life around her son (and handbags) and like a previous poster said stop putting people on a pedestal....

OP posts:

Paintedpinksapphires · 27/03/2015 15:19

I strongly dislike the term 'push present' and think it's rather crass to be spilling her budget all over social media but it's not that unusual for women to be given a present following the birth of a child.

I would never have asked for or expected a gift but my DH insisted he wanted to buy me an eternity ring. I had to go through a lot to get pregnant, had a difficult pregnancy and the birth wasn't straightforward. The early days with twins weren't very easy either.

As far as my DH was concerned I 'deserved a bloody medal'.

It was very important to him to do this for me so I gave in. My ring is very special to me and the children love that I wear my engagement ring, wedding ring and 'their' ring.

Paintedpinksapphires · 27/03/2015 15:21

Oh, I should have mentioned that not a whisper about my ring ever appeared on FB.

Only1scoop · 27/03/2015 15:23

I'm going to ask for a sunroof incision present

annielewis · 27/03/2015 15:24

Oh chill out - my SIL got a fuckoff massive diamond ring. Its another charming Americanism along with Baby Showers etc. Ignore it if you don't like it. I got nada from my DH, but got the most beautiful little cherub of a baby so didn't really care.

Are you jealous?

TheSingingMonkey · 27/03/2015 15:24

You really are thinking about this way too much. So she wants a nice bag, so what? What they do with their money has nothing to do with you. Why on earth you'd end a friendship over it who knows.

merrywindow · 27/03/2015 15:27

Wow I feel like such a mug. 2 labours and all I got was these kids.

TwoOddSocks · 27/03/2015 15:28

The term "push present" is very cringy and I'd consider such an expensive bag a bit of a stupid purchase for someone who isn't a millionaire but I doubt I'd completely re-evaluate a friend based on this one off purchase. Maybe she's hormonal, maybe she's stressed about impending parenthood and is comfort shopping, maybe she's just a little more materialistic than you thought, who knows? I wouldn't give it too much thought though. Just be supportive.

annielewis · 27/03/2015 15:30

merrywidow

widdle · 27/03/2015 15:33

I hope it's a REALLY big bag. The first year after DS all my nice handbags went to the bag of a cupboard and I hauled the ugliest nappy bag known to man around with me (god knows what was in it)...

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 27/03/2015 15:34

YABU she likes nice things that cost a bit of money youre acting like this makes her a lesser person

Push present might seem like a horrible term and maybe it is but when my gran had her first baby in the 1950's my grandpa gave her a "push present" (they didn't call it that!) he brought gifts in, my mum got a rattle or booties or something and my gran got a pair of woollen mittens, shop ones rather than ones she knitted herself. luxury right there. Keep hands warm when she had to push the pram miles and miles during the winter months in Glasgow apparently I always thought that was quite a sweet thoughtful present...

GingerCuddleMonster · 27/03/2015 15:41

I'm with merry I feel hard done by, I want something shiny for expelling a human being!

I think your being a little bit unreasonable, it's her life and money. leave her be.

chocoluvva · 27/03/2015 15:43

Be generous to her - not with material stuff! - she's just had a baby - she won't be herself.

You'll discover things you don't like about everybody the longer you know them.

She might be boringly obsessed with the baby for a while too I'm afraid, it kind of goes with the territory.

Remember that you have your faults too - as others have pointed out - you can at times be judgmental.

Perhaps you are jealous - it's hard not to be sometimes.

Good luck.

OddBoots · 27/03/2015 15:45

If it makes you feel any better the VAT and profit on that bag will go back into the economy, the more people making big purchases, whatever they call them and however daft the item, the better.

BasinHaircut · 27/03/2015 15:51

I don't understand why you are so upset to find out that your friend likes expensive bags? Surely you still have other things in common even if your handbag came from H&M??????

I have a friend who is obsessed with an, IMO, really tacky 'designer' brand and buys all that stuff with the logo emblazoned all over it. But she still buys her leggings in Primark so I let her off

CunningCat · 27/03/2015 15:52

Push present, yuck

MaryWestmacott · 27/03/2015 15:57

I got a car for mine...

The phrase "push present" is new, as is it being a range of gifts, but it was always rather traditional to give an eternity ring or some other discreet diamonds on the birth of the first child.

seaoflove · 27/03/2015 15:57

Yep, the term is crass, but I'd certainly love a swanky designer bag after I give birth in May

Horses for courses OP. You'd never drop a grand on a handbag, but if other people can afford to, good for them.

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