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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- friends 'push present'

101 replies

selly24 · 27/03/2015 15:02

Perhaps I am sensitive as I believe in thoughtful, modest giving in any case but feel I have learnt something new about a friend I consider close. She has just had first baby and was posting on social media asking advice about which new practical bag to get. Her dilemma was between a few very very high end designer bags that cost SEVERAL THOUSAND POUNDS! When I queried wether she should buy a FLAT instead she said 'come on its my push present'. I never knew such a thing existed (Surely the 'gift' is a healthy beautiful child!?) I thought I knew this girl, admired her for her lack of materialism, common sense: seems totally out of character as although (her husband) earns a good salary, they have a few nice things- but they got a lot of baby gear at nct sale, 2nd hand crib etc.... Thought her priorities were different....

OP posts:
chocoluvva · 27/03/2015 16:07

Also the baby will probably be sick - or worse on the bag! Grin

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 27/03/2015 16:13

Strange, just read about 'push presents' on the STFU parents bit on Mommyish. Yet another excuse to be grabby because you managed to reproduce. What happened to just appreciating having a baby, without needing to behave like you are the Virgin Mary begatting the Saviour?

Rant over. Sorry Blush.

ICantDecideOnAUsername · 27/03/2015 16:19

I've never heard of the term push present before. DH got me an eternity ring soon after DS was born and I tell DS it's my [insert DS's name here] ring! He loves it.

I'm currently pg with my 2nd but not expecting another ring.

People do spot it and ask about it and I tell them why. A lady at work thought it was a great idea and was going to ask her dh for one when she had a dc Grin.

But why does she need an expensive bag? Does she know it will get covered in milk and filled with dirty nappies and crumbs?

chocoluvva · 27/03/2015 16:21

I didn't get or expect anything except a baby either itsnotme. I know how you feel.

Mummyinamask · 27/03/2015 16:25

Ew ew ew - is he going to pat her on the head and say 'good girl' when he gives it to her?

Do women need to be bribed to 'push' by the man whose child she is bearing.

The whole thing makes me recoil.

I'd have told him to push off.

(It's not the gift, it's the phrase and all that stands behind it - just to be clear, I really don't care what people spend their money on, it's the misogyny I dislike)

ApocalypseThen · 27/03/2015 16:28

I don't expect anything (but I wouldn't mind!). However, I think it's a bit off to judge your friend because she's apparently excited about a bag she's getting. As far as I can see, judgementalism is worse than materialism. She's enjoying the idea of getting something nice she can afford, you're trying to take the good out if it.

ChipDip · 27/03/2015 16:35

Yabu and sound jealous of your friend. Why is it your business anywayConfused

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 27/03/2015 16:35

Oh come on, it's just a rather daft name for a bloke wanting to do something nice for his wife, when she's just gone through pregnancy and birth. What the present actually is, just depends on preference and cash.

You might not like the idea, but why be unpleasant about another couple having a different opinion?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 27/03/2015 16:43

they have a few nice things- but they got a lot of baby gear at nct sale, 2nd hand crib etc

What exactly is wrong with this? And why do you give a shit why she's getting a gift or what it is?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 27/03/2015 16:48

I think being judgemental is worse than being slightly materialistic.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 27/03/2015 16:50

Getting a lovely bag as a gift from DH (whatever the reason!) sounds fab and I am jealous.
Posting on FB about which expensive bag to choose? Not so good.

Apatite1 · 27/03/2015 16:50

It's a stupid phrase, but I'd expect many wonderful husbands would want to mark the occasion with a significant gift, just like many other occasions I'll have a diamond band please

My husband gave me beautiful gifts when I got my degree, birthdays, anniversaries etc so he'd be chomping at the bit for such a huge milestone as having a baby.

I'd never discuss it on facebook though!

weeblueberry · 27/03/2015 16:52

When DP (jokingly) mentioned a push present after the birth of DD I gave a hearty chortle and told him it was a daft idea and Id rather the money went to practical things.

It wasn't brought up again until months later when he admitted his dad had bought his mum a ring after he was born and he really loved the idea. I was a bit Blush that I had poo pooed the whole idea at the time. Not because I wanted, needed or expected anything but it turned out he genuinely wanted to get me something meaningful not the double breast pump he ultimately bought me

tarashill · 27/03/2015 16:54

What's all this ridiculous over the top pride in having a baby these days, and the idea you should be rewarded with expensive gifts. You've had a baby, big deal, it's been going on since time began. Get over it.

Ohfourfoxache · 27/03/2015 16:55

Dh has just given me an eternity ring (DS is 16 days old) - I don't think there is anything wrong with showing appreciation for something someone has done/gone through.

Fwiw ds and I have just also given DH a little pile of (practical) pressies for taking such amazing care of us over the last 9 months whilst I was almost completely housebound wih nausea and vomiting (slippers, new dressing gown, ear plugs, bottle of whisky etc). It's not about being materialistic, it's about being truly grateful to someone who has taken care of ds and I amazingly and wanting to show some appreciation.

Hakluyt · 27/03/2015 16:57

It's a repulsive term. And I just hate the idea of men patting their little women on the head and dropping a purse of money in their laps on the way to the golf club to "wet the baby's head" Ewwwwwww.

Underthedeepblueocean · 27/03/2015 17:01

If anyone queried what I and my husband spent our money on (assuming we weren't asking for handouts followed by a post about disneyworld) I would give them very short shrift indeed. I am surprised at how intense you are being about a handbag.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 27/03/2015 17:02

I had stitches and a transfusion for my push present.

Thank you, nhs.

NerrSnerr · 27/03/2015 17:07

It seems an odd reason to end a friendship. All your friends can't be exactly the same as you. It's only a bag and a silly phrase.

widdle · 27/03/2015 17:08

To be fair Hakluyt I got a present from my DH and he didn't pat me on the head or anything. He also doesn't belong to a golf club.

It was a nice idea he picked up from friends and I was very touched. My watch got stolen while I was in hospital so I got a very nice replacement. Plus labour bloody hurt!! Grin

Hulababy · 27/03/2015 17:09

Dh bought me a gift - a beautiful gold bangle - and also chose a going home outfit for dd when she was born . Wasn't done as a 'push' present and certainly never heard the term back then. He just bought me a present I guess as he was feeling so emotional and happy at the time. Was a surprise and not expected at all.

Definitly not a push present - didn't get as far as pushing. Aftter 50 hours of failed induction and on;y ever reaching 2/3cm dilated (despite loads of really pain pain!) it was a c section.

Grantaire · 27/03/2015 17:09

DH smuggled in a KFC and the anaesthetist nicked some custard from the kitchen for me. Sunroof presents and fecking good they were too.

NettleTea · 27/03/2015 17:09

WTF
PUSH PRESENT??????????

Hulababy · 27/03/2015 17:11

Eternity rings were often given on the birth of a first child iirr.

SquinkiesRule · 27/03/2015 17:15

My Mum got a diamond eternity ring after her first, lovely it is too. I think they have just changed the name to a push present which sounds awful. I guess I shouldn't have got anything as I never did any pushing with the c-sections. With baby number two I got a new car, as I was driving a pick up truck with a bench seat and no room for a baby car seat it was needed and much appreciated.