My 17 year old son has bought plane tickets to texas in America to meet a girl he met online, he is from scotland, I really need advice please.

[scottishmother]

He has made his mind up to go, to be honest I thought he would have saved up more money but he has sprung it on me and is going in 2 weeks time!! I have asked him things and he has told me, and it seems fine, but he does not like me to ask him anything as he thinks it is invading his privacy lol. He has been very secretive, and this is not helping my worrying, I have said to him I will not let him out the door without him giving me a address and letting me speak to the girl who is 2 years older than him first. I need advice as to what to do please as I am going out of my mind.

Don't you have to be 18 to fly alone without a parent/guardians permission?

so you simply don't give him a letter expressing your permission

Or US immigration may refuse him entry if you contact them and say you don't give him permission.

With teenagers you really need to work with them, you don't get to ride roughshod over their desires like you do with a misbehaving toddler. Won't keep their confidence or respect with half these suggested shenanigans.

I wonder how many people would say "Over my dead body" if the boy were 18 already. The number shouldn't matter so much.

We must all bow to your expertise, escondida. Clearly you completely understand the situation and have spent many years living in the US, particularly Texas, and understand its culture, laws, rules, pros and cons, etc.

LOL at parents like mine, Mexican American, 'working with me' if I went behind their backs to do something potentially life-threatening.

I thank them very much for setting firm boundaries for me as a teen and being parents, not friends, always looking out for my best interests and doing their best to protect me to that end.

I have and have always had the utmost respect for them for that. It made me a quite sensible person early on.

My niece is also Mexican-American. Age 18. In Texas. I'm just now telling my sister, her mother about this. Her first reaction is that it is dodgy as hell with big potential for serious repercussions.

It speaks volumes that this girl's parents have made no move to ever meet this bloke, even online, and she has been talking to him for two years and living with and near them.

Tough situation that requires very careful management - but am shocked at all the replies saying hide his passport. He's 17, not a child. This kind of action might well cause irreparable damage to a relationship. I'd go much more honestly and softly, he has to feel you're on his side, not babying him

I'm from there. Lived there for 23 years. Spend all summer there.

I'd call immigration right now.

He has no means to support himself.

Expatinscotland is the voice of reason here, I really hope the op heeds your advice

I think it doesn't sound as bad as a catfish, more that they have been talking online and have dreamt up this whimsical idea of him flying over to spend 3 months with her without thinking much more deeply than that. What if they fall out or simply find out that they don't get on that well in person? He probably doesn't want to go into detail about it with you because he doesn't want to face that that might happen. But he needs a contingency plan. The US border aren't going to be very sympathetic if he can't show that he has money etc.

"With teenagers you really need to work with them, you don't get to ride roughshod over their desires like you do with a misbehaving toddler."

And this is why you establish parental authority at a young age or you don't get to do it at all.

If my parents had gone along with my teenage "desires", I certainly wouldn't be thanking them for it now.

Has the OP come back to this thread to update us on what is happening?

DH is in the US at the moment. He works airside at airports so has a ridiculously high level security pass.

He still gets all the personal questions and frowny faces at immigration not to mention the hours-long queues.

I thought holiday visas were for only 6 weeks maximum or something? How's he got a visa?

I was an exchange student and still got called to the US Embassy before I left to show bank statements to prove I had enough money, letters from the university that was going to employ me so I could pay my way through a course.. was grilled, and it was by no means a rubber stamp thing. It is horrendously difficult to get a visa for anything other than a holiday. OP's son sounds so naive I wonder if he even has his visa sorted? If not, that's a phone call/email to the embassy and he will not even get on the plane...

My neighbour's daughter (who has special needs) did this. But worse. She was messaging some randomer - also from Texas - and without telling her mum what she was planning, worked a part time job aged about 17, or 18, I think and saved up enough money. And she bought a one way ticket! First thing her parents knew was when she was on the way. The mum is also a bit intellectually challenged so wasn't hugely shocked or upset. It could have gone horribly wrong. She married the bloke. But now apparently is miserable with his low pay and her dead end jobs and desperate to come home to England. They are having to save money to do it. Have been saving for at least a year.

I also have a horror story of a friend, years ago, who sold everything she had and even had her beloved pets rehomed, on the offchance - again Texas (what is it with Texans in trailer parks?) She got there and immediately, alarm bells started ringing. The man had guns under his bed! She was terrified. I think she was home in a fortnight, and had lost her dogs and everything she owned.

OP, don't let him go. As mum to some fairly naive teenagers myself, this would terrify me. I'd seriously find and destroy his passport. I'd destroy the visa (if he has it). I'd risk his wrath now and for months to come rather than let this happen.

I remember my family joking about me going to meet my axe murderer when I first booked a coach trip to England to spend a week with an online acquaintance I've only seen a few pictures of, and never spoken to other than by hours of MSN chat over almost a year. I didn't even have a webcam in the early Noughties.

We've been now living together for over a decade, married with two children. I understand your wariness, and asking for address etc is probably prudent, but hiding passports and banning him is not ideal if you want a trusting close relationship with your child

JoffreyBaratheon: UK citizens don't need a visa to visit the US on vacation (unless they have certain criminal convictions). The VWP (visa waiver program) gives 90 days.

OP's son will need to complete an online ESTA in advance, otherwise he won't even be able to board the flight, but after that he still might get refused entry at the actual border, where the US officials will decide whether he can enter on the VWP or not. Having a 3-month round-ticket booked will probably invite extra scrutiny, especially regarding how he's funding himself.

Here is the official information about the ESTA. You can get it at really short notice without setting foot in an embassy. In many ways it is absolutely brilliant.

Oh, I think the sweet, romantic boy should go, go, go!

When I was sixteen I travelled to the moon all on my ownsome with just a pushbike, some flowers in my hair, and a oxo cube for sustenance.

After charming the man-in-the-moon at immigration (he loved a meaty cube, who knew?) I danced around the bright side on a daily basis and found inner peace and sexual awakening amongst the dusty moon rock (my dear old pa sent me £1.50 on a weekly basis for stamps, avocados and condoms) and I came back A WOMAN!

Let the sweet boy go! It will end beautifully. I can feel it in my bones...

Hello,
I Just wanted to say I think it's very reasonable to request to Skype this girl before he goes, so you can see her and maybe her parents,.

I met someone from online when I was 17, I never told my parents though and it was alot closer ( the next town) id Skyped and seen him and met in a public place and tbh, it was lovely - no awkwardness as we already knew each other, it could turn out great for you son, he could gain confidence from travelling alone / meeting this girl.

Also at 16. My dad Hid my passport. Id managed to get him to sign a parents permission to go abroad without him realising ( I just folded it and only showed bottom part where signature is) I think my brother then told him what he'd signed, he said id get it back at 30

Make it your one rule! For her address, to Skype her and to speak to her parents?

So you know he has somewhere to stay and that he's safe. ( be awful if he got on a flight and turns out she never asked her parents permission, gets cold feet and your son is royally screwed)

The trouble is you just don't know what situation he's going into. It doesn't ring true IMO.

And in Texas at that age he can do none of that, but can stand trial as an adult and face the death penalty. He can't even seek work as doesn't have a visa for that.

Don't you have to be 18 to fly alone without a parent/guardians permission

if that happened to be the case how on earth did those school girls go to syria

scottishmother

You said your son has Type 1 Diabetes. Will he be able to get insulin? It's very, very expensive here--hundreds of dollars per vial. It's all synethetic, nothing animal-derived.

Well that's all lovely, Euphemia, but if you're my Scottish child yer still no gettin oan oany fuckin' plane an fuckin' aff tae Texas

Proper laughed at that Dawn.