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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My 17 year old son has bought plane tickets to texas in America to meet a girl he met online, he is from scotland, I really need advice please.

390 replies

scottishmother · 26/03/2015 21:58

He has made his mind up to go, to be honest I thought he would have saved up more money but he has sprung it on me and is going in 2 weeks time!! I have asked him things and he has told me, and it seems fine, but he does not like me to ask him anything as he thinks it is invading his privacy lol. He has been very secretive, and this is not helping my worrying, I have said to him I will not let him out the door without him giving me a address and letting me speak to the girl who is 2 years older than him first. I need advice as to what to do please as I am going out of my mind.

OP posts:
bananayellow · 27/03/2015 13:58

rice - it's her partner with diabetes, not her son

RiceBurner · 27/03/2015 14:23

banana - thanks for pointing out that silly mistake to me!

OP - sorry I read thru your posts too quickly. One big problem less re your son going to the USA, but I would still not be happy about him going. (So get a passport yourself, just in case?)

expatinscotland · 27/03/2015 14:28

Sure, because e everyone has thousands just laying around for tickets and passports, time off work at the drop of a hat, and can just swan off to other continents. Hmm

He doesn't know this person. He has no money. He is a minor there. This is not a music festival with mates, which only lasts a weekend, or a gap year. This is a young person who is a minor there travelling thousands of miles to stay for three months in a place several times the size of the UK, full of guns and drugs with a person he has not met.

Just ring immigration, OP.

He will likely get bounced.

Ginmartini · 27/03/2015 14:44

expat is right!

Good grief all the people saying 'chill out he's an adult, stop babying him, I went travelling at 17' are fantastically missing the point or know fuck all about American border control, police or laws and have clearly never been to Texas!! It's a different planet (I used to live there).

OP take this seriously. This is not going to end well. Ring immigration.

Roussette · 27/03/2015 15:15

Those that are saying "chill out, he's an adult, stop babying him" might well have young DCs. It's a different matter when they actually reach that age and you look back and laugh at how silly you were to think they would grow up overnight and you would just chill and let them go off on some mad unplanned adventure.

grovel · 27/03/2015 15:20

Gin, did you work in Plano?

QueenBean · 27/03/2015 15:24

Alarm bells ringing all over the shop

He should not go. I do not believe there is a 19 year old girl. I don't believe that she exists.

This could end very badly OP, at best he could lose all that money and his dignity, at worst, well it doesn't bear thinking about.....

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/03/2015 16:04

Where has OP said that the girl is Mexican? And if she has, can we maybe not be conflating that with some sort of drug-running, coma-inducing organ-harvesting scam please?

This may all be an utter con, it may indeed be sinister, but if it is, it's not because of the races of the people involved...

escondida · 27/03/2015 16:22

I think the Mexican mention has to do with language difficulties, & problems OP has with other adults who might be reasonably responsible speaking to the girls' parents.

JuliaDream · 27/03/2015 16:35

She probably does exist. Plenty of relationships start online these days.

SideOrderofChips · 27/03/2015 17:00

Mmmnn I'm on the fence with this one. My cousin did the same thing and him and his wife have now been together for around 13 years now. I met my DH online and we've been together 10 years.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2015 17:11

At 17, Side? And did you DH live halfway across the world?

I met my DH whilst I was already here and we have been married nearly 13 years.

BUT, the rules for these relationships and marriages have tightened up a lot since then.

You know need quite a bit of money to emigrate after marriage on either sideand there are now age requirements to deter forced marriages.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2015 17:13

I was 31 when I met DH and he was 24. Not 17 and 19 still living with parents. And yes, there are a lot of catfish out there.

specialsubject · 27/03/2015 17:22

if this 'amazingly mature' (not) child hasn't bought travel insurance and has an accident, the OP WILL need thousands and thousands of pounds. Or she'll have to leave him to rot in America.

But I think he's probably bought flights for longer than he is allowed into the States, and even if he has an ESTA he won't get on the plane at the UK end. They do check, funnily enough - because the airline are responsible for returning him if when the Americans refuse him entry.

or just tell him he can't booze in America.

escondida · 27/03/2015 18:13

I have a friend who at 17yo went half way around the world without her parents to start a University course.

I hope OP comes back.
Given OP would be committing a crime to try to stop him:
If he were mine I would talk with him and help him plan as much as possible. And in the process I think a lot of the potential dangers would be resolved or he would decide it's too risky.
Spending all that money on a ticket & being sent back would be my biggest fear for him (what a waste & disappointment).

SylvaniansAtEase · 27/03/2015 18:18

If he's hidden his passport, report it lost and it will be cancelled. Tell him the night before Grin

expatinscotland · 27/03/2015 18:18

'I have a friend who at 17yo went half way around the world without her parents to start a University course.'

A lot different from going that distance with no money to stay with a person they have never met except online for 3 months.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2015 18:22

'Spending all that money on a ticket & being sent back would be my biggest fear for him (what a waste & disappointment).'

Mine would be a catfish who doesn't turn up or gets him involved in dodgy shit or worse, his getting shot or getting in trouble with the law there and getting banged up, his being stuck in an isolated place with abusive people, his getting stuck.

All kinds of seriously bad shit aside from losing the cost of a ticket.

Cannot believe how naive some people are.

MrsHathaway · 27/03/2015 18:39

There are problems because it's the US, and Texas in particular.

There are problems because he's effectively skint (OP's fifty quid a week would be kind and generous ... but wouldn't go far).

There are problems because he's 17.

There are problems because he's emotionally vulnerable.

There are problems because she's a stranger off the internet.

Any one of these could be calmly overcome. It's the particular combination that's concerning.

OP, what does DS say today? Has he thought of the paperwork issues mentioned upthread? Does he have contingency plans?

misssmilla1 · 27/03/2015 18:43

If she comes from a traditional Mexican family background, then I'd be amazed that her parents are ok with her a) having an unknown boy around b) possibly / potentially staying with her in the annex by themselves (many are catholics and take a dim view on sex before marriage unless the relationship has legs) c) one with no real long term plan.

I'd be worried that he's being set up for when he gets there; I suspect she does exist, I'd be thinking it's a means to an end for something like drug smuggling

DrCoconut · 27/03/2015 18:58

Haven't read the full thread but surely a parent can cancel a 17 year old's passport if there is concern for their safety. They are not legally adult.

MrsFrankieHeck · 27/03/2015 19:04

Of course he should go half way setting the world to meet a stranger. I mean, what's the worse that could happen? Smile

escondida · 27/03/2015 19:19

I wonder if the lad would ever forgive his mother if she did even half this sneaky stuff.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2015 19:28

I wonder if the mother could ever forgive herself for not being more proactive with her son doing something so stupid if something really bad happened to him there.

Because it already has to others in the past and this sounds dodgy as hell.

nannynoss · 27/03/2015 19:29

I just wanted to add, I am 25, in full time employment etc, and went to the U.S. last year for a week's holiday. Had plenty of cash for the duration, addresses of where I was staying etc, but because I was getting a return flight from a different airport, I had to spend an hour in border security getting horribly interrogated with all my belongings thrown around like I was a criminal. I know he's not getting flights from different airports, but I just wanted to reiterate what other posters are trying to get across about border control. They are VERY strict over there and they are not the slightest bit nice to you if they have a suspicion you are shifty. I spent most of my holiday scared to go to the airport to return home, incase it happened again. Not a nice experience at all. If it had happened at age 17, I can't imagine how I would have felt.

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