My 17 year old son has bought plane tickets to texas in America to meet a girl he met online, he is from scotland, I really need advice please.

[scottishmother]

He has made his mind up to go, to be honest I thought he would have saved up more money but he has sprung it on me and is going in 2 weeks time!! I have asked him things and he has told me, and it seems fine, but he does not like me to ask him anything as he thinks it is invading his privacy lol. He has been very secretive, and this is not helping my worrying, I have said to him I will not let him out the door without him giving me a address and letting me speak to the girl who is 2 years older than him first. I need advice as to what to do please as I am going out of my mind.

It's her partnwr who is diabetic, not her son.

OP, could you persuade him to shorten the trip to 2 or 3 weeks? I know it's not value for money but that way he could get meeting her out of his system and arouse much less suspicion at immigration.

I also def agree with insisting on speaking to the parents; they are bound to have some English and even if it is just skype with the daughter translating for them you can at least see that they endorse the idea of him coming to visit. I agree with other posters that Mexican parents can be quite conservative about teenage sex. You don't want him hounded off the property by her Dad.

I'm curious to know what phone number people think the OP should call to talk to US immigration :-)

I'm curious to know what phone number people think the OP should call to talk to US immigration

Here. London office of the US Citizenship & Immigration Service.

www.uscis.gov/about-us/find-uscis-office/international-offices/united-kingdom-london-field-office

Euphemia - that's all nonsense. You are a child until you are 18. Have to be in education, can't vote, can only get married with parental consent etc, etc, etc.

I'd love to know if they actually answer. I've emigrated to the US twice and I don't think I ever once got through to an immigration officer on the phone.

bambini not in Scotland. Which is kind of the point.

Ever heard of people eloping to Gretna Green? That's because you've always been able to marry at 16 here. 16 is adult in Scotland. that's why Euphemia could find a definition of what was legal in Scotland at the age of 16 on the Internet

If your son will listen OP, please tell him this: I moved to Texas with my family for work a few years ago, we live in FW. Even with my family, the support of an employer and the benefit of age, experience and lots of previous world travel, it's been very, very hard to feel 'at home' here. This state couldn't be more different to anywhere else in America, never mind being worlds apart from Scotland. It's super conservative with a huge C, gun friendly and incredibly religious. He's not old enough to drink, and cannot drive, nor would he want to, it's like wacky races around here. There is no public transport, he will be arrested if he hitch hikes. It's a totally different world. The police do not mess around if they think someone is breaking the law. There are friendly people, sure, and some beautiful, wealthy neighbourhoods, but there are areas around Dallas and FW where you just would not want to be.

I think he has to find out more about where he will be staying, and he needs to show you some respect and give you contact details and the chance to speak to his GF and her family before he leaves. hope it all works out, for you both.

He is still a child. In England he can't do any of those things.

Bambambini in Saudi Arabia I can't drive because I am a woman. But that doesn't stop me driving in Scotland because women can legally drive there. The OP's son does not live in England. You get it now?

(Though I do agree with posters who say tht it is his legal status in the US that counts in this scenario).

Saudi Arabia? We are talking about the UK and England here!

He is an adult, so you can't stop him going. What you can do is give him money that he can use in case he gets into trouble. Also make sure he has a mobile phone that he can use to call you from the US, and tell him if he has any problems at all, to ring you. Tell him to ring you whatever time of day or night it is.

What about health insurance and stuff? I know teenagers think they'll never get ill, but he might break a leg skateboarding or something or get shot.

I'm coming round to the idea that it's better to get on board with him, help him plan, do your motherly duty of checking out the girl and her parents for safety and somewhere to live ... and hoping the enormity of it sinks in. At least, that way, if he still goes you'll know his bases are covered and have a contact number.

FWIW I was chucked out of home at 18 and went abroad with just a vague verbal promise of an illegal job. I got into some scrapes, but it was a great experience on the whole. It still provides me with dinner-party stories!

Health travel insurance for a healthy 17 year old would be cheap. I don't know OP if this is something you could afford to take out for him?

If he's been talking to her for two years, presumably he has shared with you. Talk to her as well, and her parents. Check them out as much as you can. Google, linked in, everything. Make sure he can get a U.S. phone or his phone works on the Internet, an iPhone with messanger or something.

He sounds pretty organised to have sorted it, ( mostly!) and he's hidden his passport because he thinks you might take it. Fair enough. Do the health insurance thing, ask him if he plans to help maybe locally on a voluntary basis somewhere, what's planned for the three months, any other Scottish people, maybe the local Scottish group? Call them - he could do a talk. And you get info.

He's 17. He feels he is an adult. What if you stop him? What's the alternative? A sulky, miserable young man who can't wait to leave, hates you? Be kindly positive. Because if it does end up a mess, you need him to feel he can call and say oh god get me out of here. With no self righteous i told you so. Plus 50 pounds a week? You need to check how you do that.

I've a Green Card tho I don't live State side anymore Ive lived in many States......I've dealt with ICE on a few visas, they are not the friendliest bunch you'll meet. If your story does not add up you're not getting in.

Ireland( Dublin and Shannon) now have customs and Immigration at these airports when you arrive in the US you've internal V international. I mention it for your kid as its better to get turned back before you reach the US.

His Visa only allows him into the US once he meets certain conditions. In his case, when asked by ICE they will want proof of ability to provide for himself I honestly don't think him staying at someone's house will suffice if he was looking for her to support him they will contact her.
For the full 90 days they will want at least access to a few thousand dollars either in cash or a Credit Card with proof of the credit line. I actually don't think ICE will allow him enter the country.

Like others have said. Texas is not some where Id allow any young person to travel to without adequate funding and knowing Well who they intend staying with. America is a rather unforgiving place without funds.

bambambini, let me try one more time to explain to you....

Euphemia explained what the law is about when a person is an adult in Scotland and all the things that they can legally do as an adult. You said:

"He's still a child.In England he can't do any of those things"

What he can or cannot do in England is not in any way, shape or form relevant to his legal status in his country of nationalty and residence, Scotland.

So your point is not valid.

I used laws for women drivers in Saudi Arabia as an illustrative example, and indeed yo. understood thatvsince we were not talking about Saudi Arabia the laws there weren't relevant. We're not talking about England either.

To this scenario the only laws that count are the ones in Scotland and the ones in the US.

HTH.

I second expat and everything she has said, she is the voice of reason and experience on this thread and I urge you to take her advice. I cannot wrap my head round the number of people saying 'stop babying him, let him go, I/my child/ my yoga teacher's cousin's best friend went travelling at 17 and we were fine, it was a brilliant experience' as if the fact that they were alright means he will be too.

What's the worst that could happen? Texas is another planet compared to Scoland. Probably the worst thing that could feasibly happen to him in Scotland is either being bottled or arrested. In Texas I cannot even think of the worst that could happen to him. It is an entirely different mentality over there, people can and do carry guns, and shoot first and think later. The police are not like ours, who generally want what's best for you and the public and try to avoid drama where possible. In the states (and of all the states it had to be Texas) they are far more aggressive. They won't take pity in him, should he end up in trouble, they won't patch him up and send him on his way. They will see him as a scrounging criminal immigrant if he ends up in trouble. He will not be able to be independent from the people/person he plans to stay with. They will know this. He apparently does not. Unless he has a huge money safety net he can only get out of there with help from them.

He is being secretive-why? Because he knows there is something to hide. If it was all above board he would be excited, telling you all about her and what's going to happen, what her place is like and her family. Give you the address, the dates, can you take me to the airport? He knows something is wrong but he wants to do it so he's ignoring that and not telling you the whole story. You cannot trust any of the information you have, you evidently can't trust him, if you speak to her you can't trust her either and I'm sorry to say it but raising a child to 19 doesn't guarantee you are a good person. You can't trust her parents either. I would be expecting the parents to be equally eager to contact me and my child directly and have the same concerns as I would have. They have not contacted the OP, even just to ask about allergies or the like.

That's just a few of the red flags that occurred to me while reading this thread! Over my dead body would either my child or I be getting on that plane. Because that is the reality, it doesn't take a huge stretch of the imagination for it to actually be his life on the line. He is not a confident, experienced traveller who knows how to get himself out in an emergency, that is not the character we've been told about at all. He is a shy, lonely, vulnerable boy.

Please OP come back and update us, I may be being melodramatic but I am concerned for both of you.

All those who think this might be a great idea based on their own experiences may not have clocked that this is a withdrawn and socially inept boy who spends his time in his room, not out with friends learning to deal with other people or learning to be streetwise. I doubt this description fits any of you.

And those of you who say as long as he phones or skypes every day he will be fine -- he could be a long way from Ft Worth (if that is indeed where this alleged girl lives) in the 24 hour interval between calls. What do you do then?

Are you even sure he will be in Ft Worth? It's part of a three city metropolitan area -- Dallas, Arlington, and Ft Worth, each with its own city police force. There are also many suburbs, each with its own municipal police force. If your DS goes missing you would first have to know exactly what municipality he was missing from before trying to call and report him gone. A person could say they were in Fort Worth and mean a suburb ten miles away. They could also say they were in Ft Worth simply because it is the site of the huge airport he could fly into, and they might actually live just about anywhere else.

If he stays one day over his visa limit, the girl and her friends and family and associates will own his ass. Or if the girl somehow loses his passport with the Homeland Security or CBP stamp in it.

Contact information, Ft Worth police department. You have to dial 001 and then (817) etc-etcc for an international call. Be prepared to have whoever answers the phone not understand a single word of what you say in a Scottish accent, and be prepared not to understand what they are saying to you either. This call will be expensive.

I would be very inclined to give them a call all the same, try to speak to someone in whatever vulnerable youth department or at risk youth department they may have, to outline your fears, even though the at risk programmes are not really for people like your son (they are more for youth at risk of joining gangs or becoming delinquent).

Or you could try the American embassy -- dial and see if you can talk with someone who may be working in the area of vulnerable youth/internet crime and security/trafficking.

Has this 'girl' sent him money?

Where could he possibly have got his hands on enough money to buy the tickets and prove to immigration on US soil that he is capable of supporting himself?

Thank you everyone for your for your messages, it all helps, I will update the situation,first off what I have noticed from the messages is everyone who has been thro what I am going thro or has a close person to them says let them go but be cautious, everyone else seems to base everything they say off a MTV show lol, I left home when I was 16 I moved in to my boyfriends house, when I was 19 I emigrated to Australia for 4 years, I know the positives that can come from this this but I am not silly, this is my son and I would die for him, that's a lot more than my parents ever did for me, my son has his visa for 90 days, he wants to stay maximum of 86 days, I spoke with the girl concerned tonight, to be honest with out the confidence and advice of everyone hear I would not have spoken to her so soon , I am glad I did, she seems sweet and nice but if coarse I will not be taken in, she has agreed to me speaking to parents also, as of which I will be doing .I have spoke to a close friend of my fiancé that lives in Arkansas today and she has been thro this with her son, she asked for a address , full name, and date of birth and landline phone number , all of which I got easily and she will contact the police to do a check, I told the girl I will be doing a check on her, I have also asked to speak to her parents via Skype in the next few days and I wish to speak to her again soon, the friend in Arkansas said she will drive there to meet her if need be and he can go there also if anything goes wrong, she is going to speak to her via Skype also , to get another opinion on this. Also myself and my fiancé are thinking if flying out there on the end of May and see him , providing they are still together, my son has £350 in the bank for when he goes over I have no idea joe much that is in dollors, I will be depositing £50 a week also, so hopefully that should be plenty, I have money to top it up anytime he needs it, my sons bank card can be used in America, and I will also be paying for all travel insurance while he is there. For everyone saying no do not let him go, if I stop him and he hates me he will be 18 in 8 months and he can go anyway and hate me for a long time and there will be nothing I can do about it.p.s when I moved out when I was 16 , my parents couldn't do anything about it, so I doubt anything would be done legally if he decided to go anyway. Again thank you for all your posts, and stop getting your nickers in a twist lol xxxx

First, he doesn't have a visa unless he actually went to the consulate and applied for a visa. It's more likely he is travelling on the VWP (visa waiver program) which as you can tell from what it's called, it's not a visa.

Having VWP approval does not guarantee entry to the US. He will need to show proof of ties to the UK (such as rental/mortgage, spouse, employment etc... pretty sure he has none of that). He will be asked why he's visiting (and visiting GF works against him). Having a ticket out for 86 days is cutting it fine, legal, but fine. 350 pounds is only USD$520. That's not a lot for 3 months.

He will be asked for her address so be sure that he knows that information or has it in his carry on.

Worst case scenario they put him on the first plane back to where he's legally allowed to be. Some people claim country of origin, but as he's legally allowed to be in the EU, it could be there too.

I would ensure that his phone is roaming capable just in case he needs to call you.

As for the rest and whether this is a smart idea... it's not... but then I did the same and am now married and living in the US.

I do hope it goes good for him!