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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be amazed at how many people are still having 4 or more children?

587 replies

JackShit · 26/03/2015 11:57

Yikes! I'm going to get a new one ripped here, but this has been bugging me of late.

Our planet isn't in a particularly marvelous state. Overpopulation is a very real problem. We are responsible for the legacy we leave our children and surely part of loving them is to be concerned for their future quality of life on this planet.

I know there are a lot of people with larger families on MN and I need to understand why, in full knowledge of the facts, people continue to have so many children? Just read a thread on facebook where a woman was proudly stating she has 11! 11 ffs!

I don't go for the argument about some having only one or two so it cancels out and I also don't believe in replacing our ageing population problem with an even bigger one.

So what am I missing here? Do people just not really give a shit? Does biology take over?

I have 1 btw.

OP posts:
sosix · 26/03/2015 23:35

Cinders blowing in faces. I feel like cinders... Thats another thread. Tis my own fault for breeding and not being green.

Original poster
JackShit · 26/03/2015 23:35

Grrr yes, OK you found the premise of the thread insulting and for that I apologise.

However, the comments levelled at me have been more awful than anything I've posted!

OP posts:
sosix · 26/03/2015 23:36

No op really you have been worse.

madreloco · 26/03/2015 23:38

That isnt an apology. "You found the premise insulting" is like "I'm sorry if you were bothered but its not my fault".

You started it, you got back. Now stop whining about people being mean to you. Probably best that you just admit that its no-ones business how many children you have and why, and its not your business how many children anyone else has or why.

sosix · 26/03/2015 23:38

Oh I must go to bed, its so tiring being a mum if many. shakes pom pom

Original poster
JackShit · 26/03/2015 23:40

Apart from 'not give a shit' in my op, which I regret, where?

OP posts:
idiuntno57 · 26/03/2015 23:41

I too am going to bed.

jackshit I can honestly say that I hope no one I meet actually says to me the things you have said on this thread and doesn't expect a torrent of abuse in return.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/03/2015 23:42

I have a joke

Q: do you think it's ok to have children over 35?

A: no, 35 children are enough

arf

DixieNormas · 26/03/2015 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 26/03/2015 23:47

another one

Somewhere in the world a woman gives birth every minute. She must me found and stopped

Wink Grin

5madthings · 26/03/2015 23:51

I have five and at times would like another, we are probably done now though. For as long as I can remember I wanted a large family and luckily dp agreed. I love it.

I also donated eggs and my recipient had twins! So clearly I have trashed the world with my biological impact. Except I just feel pride that I helped someone fulfil their dream of having a family. I can't begin to imagine the pain of infertility so am glad I could help someone.

Do I worry about overpopulation... No.

Do I worry about the environment and resources etc.. Yes and we recycle and walk or cycle everywhere and try to do our bit and raise our kids to care about the environment.

Do I give a shit how many children other people choose to have? No because it's none of my god dam business.

CheerfulYank · 26/03/2015 23:58

OP, to be fair I don't think lemonade posted "it was indescribably shit" to hurt you.

You asked for reasons. That is one. If you hated being an only child, you probably wouldn't want the same.

Purplepixiedust · 27/03/2015 00:23

I don't hate being an only child. There are difficulties in that in some ways it has been incredibly hard being the sole focus of and cater for my mum who died last year. However, there have been no arguments with siblings, no issues over what to do at the funeral, no problems with mum coming to live with me and putting her house into the pot. This could have been problematic with siblings. Your kids may be an incredible support for each other but this cannot be take for granted and I have seen many scenarios where it isn't the case. I have good friends I am ok. Sometimes I feel like an orphan. I have learned to be independent and self reliant, which are good skills.

Purplepixiedust · 27/03/2015 00:25

My point is there is good and bad in both scenarios. One is not better than the other.

Purplepixiedust · 27/03/2015 00:27

I am sad I don't have siblings I like while being grateful I don't have those I don't.

SolasEile · 27/03/2015 00:30

What a shame - this started out as an interesting thread with some good debate and now it's descended into the usual AIBU ad hominem free-for-all.

oldwomanwholivesinashoe · 27/03/2015 00:35

So the OP is saying that mothers who have more than one child are inherently selfish, while admitting that the reason she has only one child is due to medical problems. So, would you have had more if you could? Are you jealous of mothers with large families? And who made you Minister of Population? What gives you the right to judge others? I'm not being difficult, I genuinely want to know what qualification you have that allows you to judge mothers of more than one child.

claraschu · 27/03/2015 01:52

Just want to repeat that I agree with you OP. I have 3 kids, and feel very guilty about our collective carbon footprint. I don't understand why people are so horrible to you and so incapable of looking beyond their own situation.

We are all doing things that are destructive, whether we travel, eat food that isn't local and seasonal, use plastic bags, buy stuff, or whatever. Every new person on the planet is a burden and a drain on resources. That is obvious.Why can't people be honest about this?

The attitude that we should all do what we want and no one needs to look at the bigger picture is what has got us into the mess we are in today.

Ericaequites · 27/03/2015 03:50

We need highly intelligent people to have more children in two parent homes, with a strong preference for one resident biological parent of each sex. Throughout the Atlantic world, current public policy encourages and financially rewards illegitimate children. Statistically, these children have more dysfunctional lives. It's led to a breakdown of lower class family life in the last half century.
Before anyone is outraged, I'm a third child without issue. I'm also a lesbian, so no one should expect me to have children.

youaremychocolatecake · 27/03/2015 05:37

The average number of children was 2.2 in 1952 compared to 5 or 6 in the 19th century. This figure is now 1.7 so the number is clearly going downwards. Infact I think more people are choosing careers over a family life than ever before or going back to work between kids which slows the process down. I think your argument is totally invalid and I have more of an issue with people having more and more children they can't afford and the taxpayer having to foot the bill. If you can afford it and you have the patience, have 11 - why not?! I personally have 2 which I feel is the right number for us but I won't be worrying about the population if I decide to go for a 3rd.
Did you genuinely decide to only have 1 because of your concern for the planet or is there some other underlying reason as you sound a little bitter?! Hmm

strawbs80 · 27/03/2015 06:47

I know the lady in the original post personally and I can tell you she's an absolutely fantastic mum to each and every one of her kids. She's not on benefits, not state fueled, pays her own rent and council tax etc and her kids want for nothing. They have their own park in their back garden for Christ sake. Her children were discussed and planned, they take holidays yearly.

It's no business of yours what this lady does. You don't know her, you never will have the privilege to know her and you've made your choice to have a smaller family and she's chosen a big family... and what a fantastic family they are. I can't believe you've made such an insensitive post about her, she'd never judge someone the way you have and that makes her a much better person than you.

JohnFarleysRuskin · 27/03/2015 06:51

My goodness are people really unable to grasp the difference between the population of the uk and the population of the planet?

The population of the planet is rising at unsustainable levels. Say that you don't give a shit, say that you don't think your extra couple of kids make a difference, say that you are entitled to have more because you're rich, but pretending over population is not an issue - just because you don't like it - is very odd.

Superexcited · 27/03/2015 07:19

john the issues around developing countries having large families was discussed up thread. I certainly mentioned it as it concerns me that women who are far more likely to die in childbirth, don't have access to contraception and are far more likely to be carriers of disease or exposed to disease having lots of children concerns me. The countries where that is more likely to be the case are also more unlikely to be able to feed those multiple children.
We shouldn't be insulting families of 4+ children in developed countries where the average number of children per family is 1.8, we should be concentrating on improving education and contraception in developing countries with very high birth rates.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 27/03/2015 07:28

strawb

congrats on the newborn of your friend's family!Thanks
a family member of mine just had her 10th this week and I feel the same as you feel about your friend - how very dare anybody judge or criticise her and her DH for their choices.Angry

Original poster
JackShit · 27/03/2015 07:36

Strawb I am confused as I have no idea who you mean, as I haven't directed this at any specific individual!

As for being a 'better person' well, you don't know me.

OP posts: