Before you post

[lunar1]

Are you aware of the unwritten rules?

Never talk about buying your child a pink toy, unless your child is a boy. Then he absolutely must have something pink and preferably a princess dress to go with it.

Do not make any spelling or grammatical errors. Your OP will be ignored, no matter how important the question until you have accepted your flogging for using to many exclamation marks.

You must have a full understanding of every allergy possible, anything that can contain these allergens and exactly how to treat them.

You must be up to date in all correct terminology and how people may identify themselves, anything less and you are an intolerant bigot.

You will need to LTB within 24 hrs of your op, otherwise you are ignoring advice people have spent time giving you, not to mention damaging your children by not immediately running for the hills without a plan.

You must have enough savings for any possible emergency, otherwise you are irresponsible and should have planned better.

You must have an in depth knowledge of every physical and mental health problem possible and be aware of exactly how to manage each one and how it might affect someone's life.

If you get a flaming you must return to your thread within ten minutes otherwise you have flounced and are ignoring well meaning advice.

Don't be happy or enjoy life. I really do believe a huge percentage of mnetters have huge yellow faces with o shaped mouths. Like this

You must be really really good at mental arithmetic - because when OP's talk about their baby being 32 months old you will have to do a rapid mental calculation to work out: a) it is not a baby........and b) it is 2.8 years old.......and it is only in the OP's MIND that she still has a BABY

'Dh has just sat and eaten my last salted caramel'....

But this is a real problem - what am I going to do now if I can't post about it?

All exes are evil, deranged, money grabbing. You know this because your dh told you, and of course he wouldn't lie to make himself look like the innocent party.

Nature of a forum. Take what you want and leave the rest, I say.

No child can be "just a little shit". They must be checked for all sorts of mental/physical issues. Even if it is your own child you're ranting about.

I am overweight because I can't stop eating chocolate, and can't be arsed to push the hoover around - you must be depressed.

Never, ever, ever, ever, call anyone fat. Noone will read further than the word "fat" and you will be pilloried and burnt at the stake.

popalot Thats way too reasonable. Clearly you don't belong on mn either.

If a woman is rude to you, then she is having a bad day. You should take her for a coffee.

If a man is rude to you, then dial 999 immediately.

Unless the rude man is homeless, then you should invite him home until you can arrange the relevant agency to help him.

Don't forget that if it's an angry woman you need to offer her childcare as well as that cup of tea.

Lol at the last two. True, painfully so.

Ok I think I'm going to have to leave.

Not only do I have numbers in my name but I have average children and have never been nor wanted to go on a spa day.

I'm doomed.

All exes are psycho's, unless you are the ex, in which case you are totally reasonable/justified and sane human being.

You should not cook for your teenage children or do their laundry.

When a man gets home from work after a long day he isn't allowed to be tired. He must muck straight in with changing nappies, playing with children, helping with homework, bathing them, cooking dinner etc. Anything less and he is a lazy arse who doesn't pull his weight.

If the woman is a working mum, she should not have to come home to face any of these things and is allowed to be tired. The man remains a lazy arse who can do nothing right, and the woman needs a spa weekend.

It isn't usually OK to keep much in the way of separate bank accounts. Anyone who does is being financially abused / abusive.

If you are a dog owner (I am) you are failing in your duties if all you do is clean up their poo when out. You should hold a bowl underneath them so that said poo can never touch the ground in the first place. You must also carry disinfectant to sterilise the area and a bucket of water in case they wee.

Any disagreement with your OH at all and you should LTB.

You must LTB if a Father dares to have a night out, come home drunk and has a hangover the next day. Yet it's pefectly ok for a Mother to do the same.

Is this a reverse...?

They should attach this thread to the top of the page. It looks like a MN bible.

You should leave your husband. Whatever he has or hasn't done. Just leave him. But make sure he goes NC with his family first, especially his mum.

Absolutely nothing is allowed. At all. Ever. When people start to understand that one simple rule MN will be a better place.

If you're a SAHM you simply shouldn't do any cleaning and if your DP who works dares to mention that you could have perhaps done a bit, you should LTB and/or demand he pays for a cleaner.

Don't use txtspk.
don't say hun
don't say ladies

and most importantly you must offer me

I've noticed you must never (ever) consume any alcohol (any) on any evening (at all) just in case you might have to (a possibility) drive the kids to the hospital. This is a world where there are no taxis and parents who do not drive are the ultimate example of child neglect. Or is it drinkers? Or both?

Don't admit to remembering a poster's name or even noticing a poster's name.

Don't start tired, repetitive threads picking the community apart.